aysha valenzuela
Bio
Hello I live in the desert hiding in the shade from the beautiful powerful sun in az. I’ve lived all over southwest I dig experiences meeting new peeps and music is life. I am a nomad,I go where the wind takes me I’mhoping it blows me east.
Stories (30/0)
AMA I have healed.
Dear Mums, Feliz dia de las madres. You know you fucked up when u got knocked up with me. Too bad I did not come with a warning label. I can only imagine the worry and heartbreak I may have caused you. The messes I made and the headaches. Bet you were not expecting that. But We would not be living up to the typical dynamics of a mother-daughter relationship if we were not toxic to each other. Like two same-sided magnets, we became. at such a young age I was. I remember that day, but I’ll get to it later. After that day, resentment, anger, frustration, and love all at the same time is what I lived in. Just in case you would ever want to know. With all these emotions garnished with hormones, you must have lost hair. Party girl teen, what to do? I can only imagine mom. I commend you for not unaliving me. I came out of that time into adulthood in one piece. You did your job. Celebration? Little did you know your job was not done.
By aysha valenzuela2 years ago in Confessions
Interpretation of great gig in the sky
Oh, The Great Gig in the Sky, it gives me chills just thinking about it. Not only is Pink Floyd my favorite band in the whole entire world this song on the album darkside of the moon, it is my most favorite song in the whole entire universe I wanted to interpret this song finally into words I turned it on lights off meditation pose and psychedelics.I love this song because you have to use your intuition and emotional self to understand it. Is this the actual literal meaning in which Pink Floyd wanted us to understand? My answer is , it doesn’t really matter whether it is or not, because it is my truth, it’s what resonates with me, after all the only thing that separates us all is perception. As I wipe the tears from my eyes I should proceed to explain my take on this wonderful melody. This collaboration of awesome sounds, and interesting opening in which a man is saying how “he is not afraid to die any time will do”. It never fails to amaze me the only words that are spoken after that intro are “if you can hear this whispering you are dying”. This is said almost subliminally. It tickles my fancy that anybody alive is technically dieing. oh what a clever little bunch they are. This song is sung in such a way, that your emotional self only can actually interpret what the singer is feeling. Making it almost a knowing. The attempts for man to attach to his own life. I mean it is kind of hard to to attach after all it’s all we know to be our real self even though it is not. Attempting to hang onto anything that gives him a sliver of his old self holding onto something that no longer exists, it’s merely a memory. He will kick and scream, Fight tooth and nail to take this non-existing self with him. Then finally realizing after a sea of emotions and almost going mad , well I am not going to say almost mad I think surpassing madness in coming to terms with his own mortality. In which you can only meet on the other side of madness. Then all this leads to grief , and loss it feels like your heart breaks along with this woman’s voice. I Continue to be carried by her Voice, then all of a sudden your heart falls to pieces, and when you can no longer take it anymore. Clarity acceptance, and peaceful feelings begin to warm your soul. It warms your soul because of relief. You feel no heartbreak instead you are light and free. Freeing you of the dense heavy burden we call our life. All of a sudden peace overwhelms you engulfing you in such a feeling the aaah moment. Almost like when you have to pee so bad you hold it for hours, and it hurts so bad it makes you sweat, and as soon as you let this loose you can feel the relief in which I speak of. A relief so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes and as I try to hold back these tears of love you just cannot help but let them shed then goosebumps take over your body. Well I don’t know about anyone else it’s the only way I can describe this song. Music is my passion , my drive, my escape , and the love of my life. Music can be interpreted in so many ways, thus customizing it for just you. This song is a piece of this great universe. A spec of magical fairy dust in our great gig in the sky.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Beat
Round-a-bout my perception of myself
An incredible story I remembered today, a story to give you inspiration, a story that is real as ever, and a story in which you tell yourself well fuck if he could do it despite hurdles, I can too. It all begins at my job tired and waiting to get my last massage over with. Summoning what was left of my energy, I looked at my schedule and found a name that I found kind of funny yet unforgettable. For the privacy of this angel we will call him gw. Anyways my schedule indicated he was checked in, so like a boxer going into the ring getting ready to kick ass I went out to the lobby to greet him. I walked out he looked like I thought he wouldn’t, but I mean i don’t know what I was expecting. He was a tall, stalky man very soft spoken and very sweet. I started my massage and of course my clients cannot help but ignite the small talk in the beginning, which I don’t mind at all I love to talk so if my clients are willing I’m yo lady. Small talk usually consist of how long I been a therapist? Do I like it? And where am I from? Deeper into convo this man had said he had an interesting career. This man made pretty damn good money designing Round-A-bouts in the city in which he lived. Now my first question was how did you fall into something that cool. I know I never thought that would be a career, but someone does have to design them. My mind was intrigued so I questioned him about it. He told me that when he was younger he had a terrible accident in which he could not remember any part of his life prior not even his own mom, he was only 5 years old. This accident had affected the rest of his life. Imagine being without the memory of bonding with family members like we all do when we are babies. This blew my mind so he wanted to find a practical way to slow down drivers. To prevent accidents like his. He explained that stop lights are a lot more dangerous and did not get people to slow down. Rebellious in nature what do we truthfully do when we see a yellow light. Guilty. He continued by saying Round-A-Bouts made us have to slow down. So this man did some extensive research and it led him to the U.K. where round-a-bouts were prominent. Here he is in the U.S. designing them. It just blew me away how easy this man set a goal and executed, despite a brain injury which had impaired him in some ways. That was like so out of reach in my mind. Wow I know many people that would not even think twice about this story as fucking amazing. For me this confirmed that my perception of my future was so out of reach. Here I am doing all these visualizations and law of attraction exercises and this man just had a strong passion to help, he did some research and accomplished his goal like effortlessly. I’ve come to realize that all my efforts and exercises and meditation results in nada, without a specific spark that ultimately can impact others in a positive way. I now have to take in a couple of steps back in time to find that passion that I had when I was younger. I say this and go back to my youth, because for some reason the only things I can imagine me doing are not any of my passions. The only things I can think of are careers that make good money, careers that society would approve of, which I’m interested in, but not passionate about. I guess they could make a difference, but how would I make a difference if I was not passionate about it. Another thing that intrigued me was I watched a documentary on the Secrets of Water . This documentary spoke about how water traveled it’s path with very smooth gradual turns, and how water does not just go straight nor stop. Water goes around things that block it, it stops for a nobody unless it’s man-made but I bet it puts up a fight. We are made with about 70% water maybe, this may be why we tend to not listen to that yellow light law, and feel compelled to do quite the opposite. This is only my observation, I am not any way shape or form a professional on any of those subjects, but I mean it makes sense, and it’s quite interesting to me. Moving a long I’ve come to realize that if I cannot fathom the incredible, I cannot be incredible. I do what I want, and believe I can do anything. This motto is how I am living my life nowadays. I feel I was meant to hear the story for a reason, just another breadcrumb to achieve my goals. I would just like to let the universe know that I understand what they’re trying to tell me and thank you GW for laying on my table and sharing your story. You are an amazing soul.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Journal
Dragging baggage
A good deed, well to go on with this story, we must understand what it means to you or I. Now to me a good deed is a positive vibration with genuine intentions, with absolutely no expectations. There are many reasons why people do good deeds. Weather it be for self gain, or intuition just took the wheel. They always seem to make us feel better in some way shape or form. It is expectations that make us regret or feel hurt. I have learned to give only when genuine never give if you feel obligated. I’ve been homeless, hopeless,and just in a bad pickle, many times. I have learned that the people who have more to share will never be as genuine as those who don’t have much. I’ve come to the conclusion that these people that empathize with you will give you the shirt from their backs. I remember being homeless gathering the strength to make the call to my mom to get me a bus ticket. That happened then next thing I knew I’m hauling a broken heavy ass bag full of clothes, dragging it though downtown Denver. Not one Calpable man even bothered to help me. That is until this, what looked like to be a homeless man with missing teeth stopped me and asked if he could help. Mind you this bag is extremely heavy, so it would be really hard to steal without a radio flyer wagon. Now that I think of it, it was only clothes I should have cut ties. I was hauling a heavy load of bullshit. Anyways this man knew where the bus station was and helped me. We took many cig breaks, on one of our breaks. He told me something completely inciteful. He said “a tree has a lot of different leaves right. They come they go and up comes more. These are the Acquaintances you have in your life. Then you have the branches and they will hang onto you and stick on you and they’ll keep you from growing but then want to stay on you and keep you from growing.” “You have to cut them off in order to grow stronger and better. The only thing that you need is a great pair of roots that’s all that matters that’s what’s going to keep you alive. Give you the strength to keep going, keep living.” As I walked with this man I remember feeling like an asshole because My first thought was he’s going to try to jack me. Instead this man shared his wisdom and helped me out carrying my heavy baggage (I should’ve cut that shit off along time ago). When we got to the bus stop finally he asked me when was the last time that I ate I couldn’t remember. He opened up his wallet he had five dollars in there and he gave it to me he said go eat. This man mentioned he had a crack habit and did not have a stable home to live in so that five dollars to me meant like 1 million. Those words have never left my life they just resognate a lot more now than they did at the time they were told to me. I have been blessed to have met these wonderful people I keep writing about (I could be more blessed if I won this challenge jk). My gratitude is overfilling my heart as I think of it. The money was not even compared to the great deed he did for me that day. I mean who wants to help carry a homeless woman’s old broken heavy baggage, then feed her. I would have told her what are you doing dragging all that shit around. I probably would not tell her that, but if I could go back I’d tell me that and I would say this. Let it go, it’s only stuff, don’t worry you will get more, trust.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Humans
El Chuco origins
I was going to write a story about how this whole world was my stomping grounds. Gaia is my home, but would not have enough to keep anyone’s interest in my story, because it’s everyother persons home as well. So to begin the roots of my origin,I come from a big small city nestled in the corner of Texas. When I tell anybody that I am from elpaso tx. I hear “hey I passed through there”, or “oh you mean Mexico”. And they go on about how they can see Mexico from the freeway, and ask if I was scared because the cartel. They seem to know not one thing of my hometown, except that there are a lot of drugs passing through. I can’t argue that one. When I think of my hometown I think of consistency, Chico tacos the place you ate at least once a week and played the jukebox, the star that guided you home from drunken nights in cuidad Juarez ,and the Chuco strangler.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Wander
Ayudame
I sit in the car today awaiting my daughter laying here with a mask on my face Lysol wipes is ready to go windows got to be rolled down so she don’t get contracted with anything. Now that’s the last thing I want for her. She really needed a ride to her doctors appt.pretty important appt. and she just split with her boyfriend. Needless to say I couldn’t say no I’m staying in the car I’m not going anywhere. It’s toward the end of the Covid sickness but I take precautions just in case. As I sit here writing this my mind can’t help but constantly go over the stresses of moving. All these questions I keep asking myself over and over. Like am I still going to have this Covid when I go to this other state. I get tested tomorrow if I come up positive I can’t move yet. What the hell am I gonna do after this week. I did not plan on catching the Covid. So three more days is our last day here. I can’t have that peace of mind until two days from now geez Louise. Am I going to have enough money? I couldn’t work the last two weeks because of Covid. I intended to have enough for my trip over there and at least have some extra cash to start my new life. I have a Couple side hustles going for me as far as money. So I am grateful I at least have them, while I wait for my massage license to come and I can start working again. Between this pandemic my son and I getting sick I could use a little help. I didn’t want to ask anybody for any help, but this is the time I really need to. My grandmother always told me one day Mija you will need help everybody needs help I never believed her, but given these past four years my God have I had to ask for help so many times in more ways than one. I never take anything for granted and I appreciate any help that I do get just those last two weeks really put me behind, and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to start a new life anywhere else I mean I don’t Have a place to live in this state after this week. So with test results awaiting and not being able to work, and feeling like caca I think I’m handling it pretty good, I try to stay optimistic about everything but everybody has their cracking point you know. I don’t want to hit that point. I’ve been drawing and writing a lot I’ve just been very inspired, and well just got bit by the creative bug for some reason, I guess it was an adverse effect of the Covid. Anything to keep my mind off of it , but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean so far everything that I needed for me and my sons quarantine has come to us when I didn’t have enough money for everything that we needed. It just came to us. I trusted God or the universe (for once) and it came, that’s why I haven’t really been too stressed, but I can’t help in the back of my mind I’m just going a little bat shit crazy. It’s cutting it a little close don’t you think. I shall continue to be positive and write stories of my life. I tried to write made up stories but my life stories just seemed way more interesting. So if you find them even a little enjoyable , Please feel free to help a sister out and Give me a like and gratuities are always appreciated. Everybody stay healthy love your life, appreciate all, never take anything for granted,our health is our wealth. I just wish that we can buy food and pay bills with our health.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Humans
Upcycled life
Insanity is the tone I’ve been living, in case you did not know the definition of insanity. Repeatedly doing the same thing or action expecting a different outcome. Story of my life. After a year like 2020 I’m ready for anything else. 2021 will be different I know that’s what I always say and I am never wrong or right. It’s time to upcycle my life. So this time around a lot less yes, alot more no, well given the situation of course. Trying new things loving life unconditionally and live with purpose. I’ve narrowed it down on the things I need to change in my life and here is a list of them.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Motivation
Moving forward finally
Its that time of year again time for self improvements, letting go of old habits in which do not serve you, or learning something new. So 2020 left us some what a stagnant energy in more ways than one so needless to say I have been thirsty to embark on new goals. 2020 will always have such a bad rep, But was it really that bad? I say this in the most genuine way, its just misunderstood. Im taking it as a time I reflected on myself, my ambitions, values and well had some rest. Boo hoo life was put on pause from our fast paced lives working at a shit job, unhappy, thirsting for more, picking up bad habits just to escape this life we made for ourselves, and never forgiving ourselves for not making it better. Its a double edged sword. i'm moving to a whole new state across country, I will be going to school for a degree and something I find interesting for a while. I loved my career, 16 years strong and I just need something different, I need a reboot. Right now I am bracing myself for this huge change in life, I am aligning myself or at least searching where I can align myself with my goals. I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I needed to be in my comfort zone during 2020 because I don't think I would have made it to 2021 somewhat sane. I feel secure and ready to accomplish some major goals, this would never be possible if it had not been for my support system (my best friends), my thirst(had lots of rest in 2020). Change in my life requires taking paths unknown. Now this can be accomplished by taking that "danger" "do not enter" caution tape, the one you cannot see very far down due to the lack of light and thick fog. I don't mean this in the literal sense but, to embark on something different. most people and myself always tend to take that sunny, clear ,singing birds path. There is nothing wrong with this path, if you plan to stay where you are at in life for a while, but if you need a change, you have to do something to create different possibilities by taking the path unknown. I have always considered myself a bit of a rebel my motto is "I doos what I want". So much that I have been ballsy enough to raise my fist and tell the universe ,god, source, or creator those exact words. Did I do what I want? Yes, but under the terms that are not my own. I do not know if this move is the right move or even if its getting closer to aligning myself to my goals. I do know this, iI do know it is not going to just fall in my lap in my comfort zone because it would have already done so. I know the universe does not want me to sit and wait for it either. if I did that then the universe would cause some catastrophic things to happen to push me out of my comfort zone and i do not want that either. I do not have to really know anything just experience life learn from them and listen to those subtle I mean very subtle signs that the universe gives me. I am done working for anybody but myself, I feel like I am ready for school I feel like I am ready for a new career, and I am worthy of freedom.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Motivation
A New Years resolution
I once knew this boy who liked pretty things. He’d love to wear them play with them and imagine he was them. He would go into his moms closet grab her purple pumps she wore once to an 80s party. Then run out of closet and copy Tracy Turnblad doing the mash potatoe on Hairspray. Once he got caught using his moms expensive makeup, he was not a very good makeup artist. So his Mom came in and just about almost killed him because it was all over his face and the tv. After he had a bath he would ask his mom to put the towel like she did especially on the top of his head.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Humans
Warriors battle. Green eyed angel.
Alive again in this darkness in this sad little mattress on the floor that lays in this apartment of mine. Bathing in my sorrows. Soaking in my disappointments, failures and sadness. As i open my eyes today I wish I didn’t. Staring at the ceiling I need to go do something before I do something stupid and end it all. End the pain and everything. a lot of people don’t understand that physical pain is the same as internal pain, it can physically disable you. Now I owe some Guy money, he keeps bugging me, texting me over and over. Well that one thing is probably what will save my life at least for now. As I put my clothes on put my shoes I begin to realize that that dark numbness is slowly creeping in. Now this darkness is something that just comes and you have no control over your body you have no control over anything you just black out and it just takes over your body.it. And in from time to time especially during trying moments in life. anything can happen, in a split second you have no control one moment I could be watching tv next moment I could be downing a bottle of pills. I gotta get out of here. Just putting off the inevitable. As I wait for the bus to go meet this dude, so I can pay him his money and he can stop bugging. To my surprise the bus actually didn’t take forever to come pick me up I get on, I walk to the back right by the exit door. Some man comes up to me trying to hit on me, talking about who knows what I just heard mumbles and jumbles. Kind of like on peanuts how all the adults talk, that’s what it sounded like. He finally realizes that he was just mumbles and jumbles and finally went away. As I continued on the bus I notice this woman. (She was on the entire ride With me and on the complete opposite side of the bus.) wow she’s really beautiful . I hear a ding I turn, and it was her I did not hear any ding the whole way but hers kind of snapped me out of my daze. As the bus stops she grabs her things walks over to the back of the bus about to step off the step and just stops, as though something startled her so she back tracks, just enough to look at me as I looked into her beautiful green eyes and at her beautiful dark skin face she tells me “don’t forget who you are, warrior, and just proceeded to get off bus nothing more.
By aysha valenzuela3 years ago in Humans