When I sat in my car I was shaking. My face was flush and my heart was beating hard. What had just happened? Did I find someone who understood me than I understand myself? I just sat there and breathed deeply. I was so horny now. All that I could I think of was getting home and get my clit between my fingers and having an earth shaking orgasm. I put my seat belt on and plug my phone in when it suddenly signals a test message. “Slut, no touching the cunt until I tell you that you can!”. For fucks sakes. I hate that and yet…I’m soaked. Without thinking I type “yes Sir”. I put the car and drive and head home. I was so dazed and didn’t even remember driving home! I think I was still in subspace.
It all started innocently. He sent me a quick note saying that he thought I was pretty and loved my confidence. I have never given much thought to messages on FetLife. Most of the time it’s just people that fetishize me. The compliments are nice but nothing really goes anywhere and to be honest they feel a bit weird. I much prefer to contact other people or to meet them myself. So, I asked him what interested him about me. I expected the same standard fetish answers but this time I didn’t get them. He simply said, "I like that you are confident and real.” Really? I had not heard that before and I was intrigued to hear more. I made sure that he understood that I am trans and he said he was very aware of that. So, we began discussions. Whenever I tried to turn the conversation to sex he would stop me. "I don’t want to hear about sex, girl.” I was taken aback. Every Dom that I had talked to went directly to sex. He now has my full attention.
Once you have been around kink for a while you find that there are two kinds of play that can happen in general. The first between a Top and a bottom having a scene. It’s not a relationship but just something fun for them both. No D/s, just an experience. We all do this one for sure. Then you discover play within a D/s or M/s dynamic and things can change for you. My Mistress is a sadist and she also thought of herself as masochist in her past. I am a masochist and these two things go together very well. At some point, you have to ask yourself why you do this? Why do I love to take pain for her? The easy answer is that she is my Mistress and this is what she wants. I don’t necessarily agree with that thinking. I believe that you have to want to take that pain. I also think that it has to be about more than just the pain. It’s the connection and more so for me my desire to suffer for her.
This writing was inspired by a photo that I saw on FetLife. A sub showed a picture of a coffee pot and two coffees. The caption started off by saying that “this will be unpopular to the masses”. One of the things that this sub does is serve her partner coffee when requested. When did kink get so silly that we have to label a service that we do as unpopular because you think it’s not what the masses would like? That is so sad to me. My Mistress loves coffee and I serve her coffee from my knees on the regular. I also negotiated that if we ever add another submissive to our dynamic that serving coffee is mine. It’s that important to me and us. I could care less about what other people think of it because it’s very important to us.
I have had my share of M/s (Mistress/slave) relationships in my life. A few of them were live-in situations that ended after a period of time. I have always wondered what happened in those cases. I know that at that time of my life I hadn’t fully admitted who I was and I think I held some things back. Also, I feel like my Mistress did too. An M/s relationship is multi-layered and not easy. It takes a great deal of communication and a full commitment on both sides. There’s nothing worse than a rule being made and then broken and the Mistress doesn’t follow through to correct it. The same could be said for the slave. It’s my responsibility to follow the rules set out for me that were agreed upon.
I have spent many years exploring my kinks. At first, I didn’t want to include sex in my play but over the years it has become more and more important. Somewhere along the line, I began to love pain as pleasure too. All of this has now become entwined in who I am now. Ultimately I am a submissive slave who loves to serve. Now I serve my Mistress and my place is at her side. I had always thought that once I transitioned that I would end up with a male to serve. Boy was I wrong. I’ve never had a connection that was stronger with anyone in my life. We are as one and I couldn’t be happier. We both love men so we agreed early on to include them in our lives. However, we are committed to each other and have lots of fun without them too.