Most of my life I’ve gone with whatever comes my way. I've just been going through the motions of the world and seeing where it takes me. I had a plan..sort of. I just wanted to be somebody and do something worthwhile. What it’d be, I never did know. I guess that’s just the life of a depressed and anxious teenager. You never do know what to do with life because you always expect to be hit with never-ending obstacles, whether it’s life’s tribulations or your brain telling you aren’t worth anything. Life is just life.
Everything started with a kiss
There I was once again at Starbucks trying to read Dracula by Brahm Stoker. I’ve been trying to finish this book since the start of the fall semester, but sadly, I was bombarded with projects, tests, and essays which took up my time. I was in such a rush to finish everything on time that I never did have an opportunity to sit down, get a tall iced caramel macchiato, and continue to read Dracula. But today was different. Today was the last day of classes, and next week would be finals, but the good thing was that I already took my finals. Now I can relax, sip my favorite drink, and read without any worry. As I was reading, I heard someone approach where I was seated, which was a table for two people, and knock on it. I decided to look up, and there was a five feet tall guy with blue eyes smirking at me. I rolled my eyes internally because I knew what was coming next. Flirting. I decided to hear him out by just raising my eyebrows as to say what, and he took the hint as what I wanted to say.
Heart beating so hard whenever you’re near
Hey, it’s me that person who you don’t want to see. The girl who once was your greatest friend but now is your worst enemy. I’m sorry for everything that I did. I’m sorry for throwing all of my problems on you. For waking you up whenever I had those late night suicidal thoughts. And for wanting you to be by my side no matter what. I expected too much from you. You couldn’t handle all of the problems that I threw onto you and so I’m sorry for never seeing how I affected you.
I can still remember him clearly. My first love. No, it wasn’t an elementary or even middle school crush. It was a high school crush. I know, I’m a late bloomer but can you blame me? It wasn’t like I said, “You know what Imma have my first love at age 16.” Crushes occur when they want to. No one has control over when they happen or who it happens to. And, well, I happened to meet my first love during my junior year of high school.