I will never forget the feeling. My heart sank and I felt all the tears gush into the corners of my eyes. Why was this happening? What did I do wrong? What's going to happen? No, not my babies. I couldn't focus. A voicemail left saying, "This is Child Protective Services. We need to speak to you."
I wish I had seen what you really were
I always thought that I would be part of my family. I pictured going to my father's home and bringing my children over to visit with their grandfather. I pictured holidays together and spending time with my siblings and sharing memories. I always knew that my family was not very healthy. There was plenty of dysfunction to go around, and as the oldest child I was able to witness most of it. I thought for the most part that my family maybe didn't exactly like me, but they loved me. I was completely wrong. It took me many many years to realize that I was the scapegoat in my family and that the role would follow me forever. I was always blamed for things that didn't even have anything to do with me. I was punished more severely, made to feel not good enough always, and I was never praised or recognized for any accomplishment I achieved. I made every effort to make my parents and siblings see I was a good person and I deserved their love. I was always given a taste of love but never the full meal. I was always used for any money I brought in from any job I had. I was made to take care of my younger siblings and take care of my mother. I took care of the household and did everything I could to show my family how much I loved them. Sure, I was not perfect but I didn't deserve the harsh realities of being the scapegoat. When I started researching narcissistic families my whole life became so crystal clear. I finally understood that I was not the problem and that I was worthy of love. I knew that I needed to be a bit more cautious of my family. I never thought that the bitterness they held for me was so great that they would decided to try and ruin my life. It came as a complete and total shock. I must explain some back story to you before I go any further. I was so very saddened by how my family acted towards me and as a young teen I didn't understand. I dabbled in some drug use and ended up in a very harmful and abusive relationship. I managed to get my life together when I became pregnant with my daughter. I was so happy to have her that I wanted and would always vow to be the best mother to her. I had a hard time still with depression and I went to therapy. I was blessed with 2 more beautiful children; my boys a few years later. I love and treasure my kids. My kids are what I live for, and I strive and work very hard for them to have the best possible childhood they can have. I have been what I would consider a mother I wished I would have had. I never want my kids to feel how I did. I am happy and love life. Well, my family couldn't stand to see me happy with a man I love and my kids. They needed to put me down as they had done all the years prior. I was not allowed to feel happiness. How dare I? My sick family knew that my weakness and fear was not being with my children. They plotted and in such a sick way used abuse by proxy to involve my aunt in a false allegation smear campaign against me. They tried to put absurd false allegations against me with founded no proof. I was amazed at how sick they could be. The hurt and betrayal made me sick for days. I was never so angry at the pain they tried to cause me. I knew then that these people did not at all have my best interest at heart. I knew they wanted to see me fail and be so unhappy. I knew I could never look them in the face after what they did to try and ruin me. I know that it may not seem like such a big betrayal to some, but you have to understand how sneaky and deceiving this was and how completely unjustified this was. It came from nowhere and to this day I can't get over why they would do such a cruel thing. I of course tried to defend my honor while they tried to somehow make me look crazy. I knew I had to stop feeding into the craziness they created and the drama they lived for. I never wanted to be a part of that family ever again. I did not receive anything good from a relationship with them. I knew I would never be able to trust them and I knew how toxic it would be to have my babies around them. I had to go 'no contact' with them and I had to do it now. My family is my world, I would be damned if they would try and take that from me. I needed to see how evil they were, how much they did not care about me or my kids. It was finally the push I needed to stop the abuse. I have officially been no contact with the family for almost 3 months now and it still is hard sometimes. I sit and hope to see them realize they were wrong and come apologizing to me. But that is just a fantasy and I realize that is never going to be. I wouldn't let them back into my life now. I have grown so much stronger and learned so much about myself during this time. I am not going to lie. Sometimes I feel all alone. I feel a feeling of homesickness, like I don't have a family. I feel orphaned. But then I realize that I am so blessed to see them for what they are and stop the abuse. I am blessed to have found my own way and have my family. I will never understand the cruel ways of my narcissistic family but I will know that they will go to no length to try and hurt you. Education against individuals who have narcissism is the best weapon that you can hold against them. You learn the tactics they use to bring you down and you can then see who is not for you and toxic. I hope that by sharing just this one instance of the abuse I suffered, will help someone who is going through a similar experience. You have the strength to remove yourself from your family if they are doing things to hurt you. No one deserves to be put down and treated in such an abusive way. You owe your family nothing and when you walk away you begin to heal and it is so peaceful to know that it wasn't you that was the problem, instead it was them..
Cheating is one of the most hurtful experiences that a person can go through. When we begin to suspect that our partner may be unfaithful, we often can miss some really important clues that are major indicator that something is going on. Intuition kicks in and you know that something in your partner is not right, the behaviors that they display can be a dead giveaway. If you notice that your partner has been or displaying some of the behavior listed, it may in fact be that they are cheating.
Anal sex is way more scary than it sounds. I know, thinking about something up your asshole is kinda unsettling. It can also be one of the most pleasurable experiences you could ever have. If you are an anal virgin and are really to give it a go, or you just want some pointers on making the experience better, try out the following tips. These pointers will help ease and allow you to enjoy what could be one of the most pleasurable experiences you'll have.