Anik Marchand

Maybe I didn’t get the cool art job I wanted in a museum and maybe I’m not with the hottest, richest man and yeah, maybe I could lose a few pounds and perhaps put some nicer makeup on and look more girly and maybe I could stop getting tattoos and maybe my stretched ears are too much for some to handle and maybe, just maybe I could stop comparing myself to all the fake lives posted on Facebook and Instagram with the fake smiles and fake poses and fake bodies photoshopped and set up photo shoots that make you look desperate for attention and likes.

I started liking heavy metal when I was eight-years-old.

There will be a moment in your life when you will feel what it’s like to live without someone. And, I’m not talking about living without an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m talking about actually having to live without someone because they passed away. There will be a moment when you sit down all alone in your living room and think of what that person would be doing right now and it’s going to hurt. It won't hurt as much as it did the day they left, but you’re going to see and feel that empty hole in your chest. You’re going to be painfully aware of this cavity that cannot, and will not, ever be filled. It seems as though this hole in your chest is encased with precious museum quality glass and allows everyone to see right through you…

I guess this was expected. Moving to another country, knowing no one, being alone and lonely. But, I never thought it would feel like this. You know, when I lived in Montreal I was a bit lonely but that was self-inflicted, I didn't want to go out much but, here, in Madrid, I do want to go out and live but, making friends has been my biggest challenge as of yet. I just don't fit in with these people...

We’re always worried about money, today was no different. We were on our way to Portugal from Spain. We had all our luggage with us for our usual bi-weekly vacation back to his hometown. After 40 minutes in the hot metro, we finally got out. So, here we are, carrying three bags and one suitcase for our 15 minutes walk on the car and finally, were there! Yah, thank god. I haven’t eaten anything since the night before and I’m hungry, I’m tired and I just want to sit in the car and play on the new tablet he just bought me.

I guess I never will want to admit this to myself.