I am a 24 year old single mother of my beautiful four year old daughter. I have started to speak about my past trauma and look to share my story to the world. My hope is to inspire others to talk about their past and share their own stories
Amongst every Tragedy is a Blessing
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain." - Vivian Greene This spring has been a time of dramatic disruption and ongoing uncertainty, as the novel coronavirus COVID-19 continues to take thousands of lives, requiring social distancing that upends the global economy, and prevents us from coming together in response to crisis, as we ordinarily would.
At first light, I roam the halls of the structure my owners call home. Early morning bells echo; that, for some strange reason, summon my owners out of bed. A loud ruckus is about to begin and I find a small place to hide. My owner and her midget franticly run the halls, while I hide in this corner, waiting for them to leave.
My Beautiful Angel
To My Beautiful Angel, From the moment of conception you changed my life forever. For at first, I was unaware of what was to come, but now I can clearly see. You, my beautiful angel, came as a blessing from above to strengthen your mommy. You came as a guiding light to pave a way in the darkness of my life. Your beautiful soul shone as a star from across the world. From the moment I saw your beautiful little body, I knew that I had a greater purpose in life.
I am a young woman, whom has survived sexual assault twice. My first sexual assault started when I was five years old by my father and continued until about the age of twelve. After being groomed by my father for years, I made the mistake of falling in love with a man whom mirrored my father. My second sexual assault lasted for two years in a marriage with a man whom I eventually fled from for domestic violence. In my marriage, I gave birth to two children: Macie and Luke. My daughter is now four years old and is in school, However, my son Luke was delivered as a stillborn from violence that was encountered in my home during my marriage. It has been two years since fleeing and my daughter and I have been able to start a fresh life.
At a tender age, I learned the downfalls of living a life full of discouragement. A discouragement that crept in secretly; masked behind clothes, makeup, and hairdo's. A discouragement that was so bold it even could sneakily hide behind the façade of a smile and tell you "its your fault", "you are broken", and "you are worthless". As time went on, I began to listen to her [discouragement] voice and form new masks. Each new mask, formed a new identity in myself that would hide the pain I endured on the eve before last. By the time I was a wee adolescent, I had managed to create a mask to hide the scars and shame I grew to know.
It is hard for one to speak about the darkest moments in their lives. There is a raw, emotional and mental drainage that overwhelms our thoughts. However, I have been silent for years about the trauma I have endured. I think the biggest fear is that no one will understand why I never spoke up and when I did, why did it take so long? Again, understanding is not what one is looking for when they share their experiences; they are simply looking to share their story. So here is mine: