She was not at all what I expected. After reading part of her manuscript, I assumed she would be meek, timid, small and quiet. She was nothing like that. She was filled with happiness, magnetic, joyous yet calm and grounded. She laughed easily and made people feel comfortable in her presence. She was likable and filled with positive energy.
Narcissists and psychopaths manufacture chaos. In part, this is because they are not integrated and chaotic. They also most often were raised in chaotic environments that lacked structure and consistency. They have learned that by creating chaos and confusion, they are best able to portray their victims as "unstable." Normal people do not function well in chaos. Children thrive and crave structure. These folks intentionally create chaos in the lives of children, which lead to the children reacting in understandably negative ways.
In this tragic state of school shootings, women being killed by their partners frequently, constant news of corruption in our family courts and movies and music industries, Child Protective Services, Police, Social Workers, the foster-care system, political offices (all of which serve as processors and purveyors of pedophilia and child sex trafficking), we are desperate for the "reasons."
Divorce is never pleasant. Divorcing a narcissist is traumatic and causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD. While every person who enters into a relationship with a narcissist is a victim of abuse, I will use the word, "target."
Narcissists do not come with a warning on their forehead. They do come with a deeply limited repertoire of behaviors and interaction styles that are not glaringly obvious, yet are present from the beginning.
When we are describing another person, particularly if we are explaining a difficult or stressful interaction, we sometimes make the mistake of using qualifying words and adjectives that are negative. We say things like, “I have a tyrant boss,” and, “He doesn’t get along with anyone, he's a difficult personality.” We mean no harm; however, we are perpetuating negativity when we incorporate this style. To maintain happiness, we need to be free of this negativity.