Amanda Nicole
Bio
Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)
https://linktr.ee/gilmorepretty
Stories (69/0)
F%ck Therapy
Therapy sounds like it would be terrifying huh? Telling a stranger your deepest darkest secrets and letting them see a side of you that is usually well hidden from others. While it can be terrifying to let someone in like that, it can also be freeing. It can be freeing because you finally let go of demons that you've been holding on to for years. You can change your thinking patterns and heal in a safe space. You can explore many things about your thoughts and learn why it is you might be thinking things. You can cry, and whatever it is you need to do in a judgement confidential zone. I'd be lying to you if I told you Therapy didn't save my life. Therapy has helped me heal from some dark sh*t. It's helped me heal from an abusive realtionship, alcohol addiction, and so much more. It's helped me see things in a different light and understand that maybe there was a purpose for everything. Maybe I had to go through everything I did so that I could come out the other side stronger then ever. I'm learning to love myself and understand that I am worth it. I do deserve love and happiness. Sometimes we need an outside prespective to realize these things. We can't always do these things alone. We need people sometimes. It's never a one person job living.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
Dear Highland Park
Dear Highland Park, I need to begin this letter by saying I know thoughts and prayers are so old by now. That's not what we need. We need change. We need to stop having all these shootings. But I do need to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that someone thought it was okay to ruin your holiday parade. I'm sorry that someone thought it was okay to kill all the people they did. I'm sorry that you had to experience that trauma. I'm sorry that you will now have to live with it for the rest of your life. It's not okay. You shouldn't have to be sad everytime the 4th of July rolls around. You should be able to go out and enjoy yourselves without feeling sorrowful of those you lost. What happened shouldn't have happened. We need to do something. My heart is absolutley shattered for you. I know that's not exactly waht you need to hear right now but that's all I can say. I wish I could say I knew how to change things but sadly I don't. I wish I could have done something to prevent this from happening but I couldn't have. I wasn't there. I live in South Carolina. I'm sorry that nobody stopped this from happening. I'm sorry that you now have to grapple with this shock and pain. I'm sorry that you now have to try and process what happened. I honestly don't know what else to say. I wish someone would change something and make this not happen again. I wish someone would understand that this isn't okay and shouldn't be normal. This should not be the year of Mass shootings but sadly that's what it's becoming. We shouldn't be not surprised everytime this happens. People who can make change happen should be listening to us. Someone should do something. I'm so beyond sorry for you. I honestly don't know what else to say. Thoughts and prayers seems a bit unreasonable at this point. It seems a bit pointless.Nobody should have to grapple with this pain and misunderstanding. Nobody should have to say goodbye to family members or friends. I can only say that perhaps we will see each other on the other side. Perhaps we will all be reunited in peace someday. Perhaps someday someone will listen and make changes. Perhaps we will all find peace. I don't know what else to say. This shouldn't be your memory of any day. This shouldn't be something that is included in our history. This will forever tramatize people. This will forever make people sad everytime the holidays roll around. Sometimes we have to deal with sad things but this should not be one of them.We should not be acting like this is normal. Because it's far from normal. It's heinous. This isn't something we should get used to. This is becoming far to normal and that's far from okay. In fact it needs to not be okay. It never was okay but we need rules and regulations and people to feel safe. We can't walk around feeling unsafe and as if we have no freedom. I'm sorry that someone thought ruining your day was okay and I'm sorry that flowers are piling up in the worst way and that nobody knows what to say. I'm sorry that you have to now have difficult conversations with people and your family. I'm sorry that you have to move forward in this state of emotion that may not go away for a while. I'm sorry that nothings changed and I honestly don't know what else to say.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F*ck Coming out
Last year I came out as Bi-Sexual. It was something I had to do. I couldn't hide it any longer. If I did I honestly don't know what would've happened. But this isn't about that. This is about how how I came out. How I realized that I was Bi-sexual. But before I continue I want to emphasize to anyone who may be struggling with their own sexuality that you're not alone and you are most certainly enough. If anyone doesn't support you they don't deserve to be in your life. You deserve to be your most authentic self and nobody should take that away from you.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F&ck Perfection
Perfect can be defined as something without flaws or imperfections. Here's a little secret, nothing and nobody is perfect. So if that's the case why are we constantly striving for it? Why are we constantly trying to be perfect. Here's the secret, we've all done things we aren't proud of, we all have regrets and we've all hurt people over the course of our lives. So again why are we constantly striving for it? We need to stop striving for perfection because its not realistic. There is no such thing as perfect. Nothing is without flaws. Everything has flaws. So we need to stop thinking there is a concept of perfection. What can we do instead? We can do our best at everything we do and make great strides towards positive changes. Perfection is not realistic. So we need to embrace our imperfections and understand that they make us who we are. They add to our personalities and make us loved even more by those around us. If everyone was perfect the world would be extremely boring. We also wouldn't have the chance to learn lessons that will help us in the long run and make us stronger people. We need to make mistakes. How else are we going to learn? We can't learn by being perfect. As much as mistakes hurt we have to make them.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F^cking Memories
Okay, cue the Taylor Swift breakup song right now. I'm actually listening to that song as I write this. Memories are either beautiful or tragic. They're either magical or bittersweet. They're either hurtful or life-changing. I think we all have memories that we remember all too well. Seriously that song gives me chills. It tells a story all too well. I have a story that I will always remember. I'll remember being abused on a daily by someone who was supposed to protect my heart till death. I'll remember being left with more trauma than I knew what to do with. I'll remember loving someone at their worst and them screwing me over at mine. I'll remember being treated like crap, day in and day out. I'll remember my heart physically hurting when it ended and wanting to not live anymore. I'll remember having to pick up the pieces of my heart and the shell of my former self. I'll remember not mattering to the one person to who I was supposed to matter most too. I'll remember being yelled at daily for making even the slightest mistake. I'll remember those things forever. Some things get burned in your mind. I try to forget them. I really try. I'll remember being left with some form of PTSD and going to bed fearing for my life every night.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F^ck Fear
We all have fears right? Heights, Clowns, Spiders, roller coasters you name it someone's probably scared of it. But those kinds of fears aren't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fear of taking risks and moving forward. I'm talking about the fear of trying new things and meeting new people. I'm talking about the fear of moving on from things that hurt you. Those kinds of fears. Do you have those? I'm sure we've all had them at some point. I know I have. I'd love to tell you that I don't have any fears. I'd love to tell you that I'm afraid of nothing, I'd love to tell you that I'm perfectly content with life. But alas I'm not. I have fears just like everyone else. I have concerns about life just like you do. I'm no better or worse then anyone else. In fact I'd like to share some of my fears with you right now. I have fears surrounding dating again, and roller coasters, and death. I have many other fears in those categories but that's about as far as I'm willing to go here. But in this moment I'd like to pose a question to you. What if your fear is the thing you want the most? What if you have to face your fear in order to achieve peace in life? What if the thing your scared of is what you never knew you always needed in life?
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F*ck Persona's
Think about the human experience, think about all the situations we get into on the daily. Think about all the people we interact with on a daily basis. Now keeping that in mind let me ask you one question, in any of these situations are you really yourself or are you putting on an act?
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F*ck Letting Go
Letting go is brutal, especially when bittersweet memories play in your head like an annoying clip show. But you have to do it. You have to do it in order to heal. You can't hold on to the past, no matter how many times those memories play in your head. No matter how much you want to hold on to the memories you remember all too well. (As my favorite artist Taylor swift would say) You have to let go of them in order to find better people and things in your life. You can't stay in the past forever, you can't hold on to people that aren't meant to be in your life any longer. You have to accept that sometimes relationships or situations have a shelf life. People come into your life for a reason and then sometimes they have to leave. It's not up to us. We have to realize that.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F%cking Trauma
I was thinking about this the other day as I was speaking to a friend about this. I was thinking about how Trauma changes you in ways that you can't explain. It breaks you into so many little pieces that it might seem impossible to put you back together. I was thinking about how trauma stays with you forever and only gets easier to deal with. I was thinking about how we all go through traumatic moments. I was thinking about how we heal from trauma. How do we heal from it? How do we move forward from something that broke us into a thousand pieces? How do we move forward and try to forget something/someone that we'll most likely remember forever. That's the thing about Trauma you never really get over it. It gets easier to deal with no doubt, but it never really leaves us. It scars us for life. Trauma has a way of staying with us forever.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
F*ck Approval
I'm going to start this story off by admitting something to you: As you know I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I never felt good enough for my ex. Even now I'm still seeking approval from those around me, because even 2 years later I still don't feel good enough. I still don't feel like people like me. I still don't feel like I'm doing anything correct. But here's the thing: I'm doing all I know how to do with the resources and knowledge I have. I'm still learning and I will forever be learning. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm doing anything right. But here's something I'm trying to learn: I'm trying to learn that there's only 1 person I need approval from. And this person I've known my entire life, we've been through shit together. We've done some stupid things. We've recovered from some dark shit together. That person knows me better then anyone. That person is me. I have to constantly remember that the only person I need approval from is me. The only person whose opinon of me matters is my own. The only person who knows me well enough is me.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Psyche
F&ck Solo Travel
Sometimes we just need to take a break from life and heal. Sometimes we need to run away from our problems and and frustrations and go find ourselves again. So many of my favorite authors have done it and written amazing books about their trips. I've been truly inspired by all of them. Ever feel like you're just going through the motions in life? Ever feel like you're on a hamster wheel and you'll never get off? Ever feel like you've lost touch with who you are as a person? Well if you feel any of those things consider taking a solo trip. Taking a break from life could be just the thing we need to get ourselves back on track mentally. Whether it's a backapacking trip, a european vacation or hitting the road in a camper van. Whatever feels right to you. Sometimes we need to run away and be alone with our thoughts, sometimes we need to take some time and rediscover what our passions are and who WE are as people. Sometimes we've lost touch with reality and need to center ourselves again. These are all reasons to take a solo trip. It doesn't have to be very long or fancy. It just has to be you taking a break from life for some period of time. Perhaps a summer or a weekend or even a year.
By Amanda Nicole2 years ago in Humans
