I had my worst anxiety attack in years on Friday. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop doubting myself. I felt like I was failing. I was falling. The world was caving in. It all was crumbling and I couldn't gain control. There's so much in a teacher's life and career that can attribute, cause, and ultimately be the main source of anxiety.
I feel this topic is becoming more and more prevalent in the upcoming days. I feel that people are starting to truly come out of their shells and say, "Hey! I have anxiety too." It's not an easy thing to say nor an easy thing to admit. It's hard because very few people understand what anxiety is truly like. Until you have anxiety, you really have no idea.
Every year a new group of munchkins enters a school eager to figure out what this big building holds in place. Some day I'd love to be the first teacher they meet and spend their year with. But for now, I'll settle as the second. I'll settle as the first grade teacher who perks their interest into one of the most challenging years of their school lives. I will be the hero in their stories when they talk about who helped them learn how to read and who helped them with their math.
When my husband told me he'd accepted a position as a correctional officer in our home state, I had no idea what I was in for. We've been through this for nearly seven years. We've been through two different prisons. We've been through two different prison populations. We've been through two different commutes. Multiple shifts, always the same experiences.
What's better than spoiling children who are less fortunate? I work in a small school in a town I never knew existed until after college. Back to the story, if you haven't heard of DonorsChoose, let me explain. Trust me, it’s worth the read if you’re a teacher who is sick of spending money out of your pocket for everything you feel your students need.
When you've been together as long as my husband and I have been, people often ask the question, "When will you have kids?" Truth is, we haven't been ready. We're enjoying being married. We're working on getting ourselves set before we bring a child into this world. We work on opposite ends of the spectrum, truthfully. I am a teacher. He's a correctional officer. I work with kids and try to help set them on the right path. He gets the ones who followed their own. So, our first step towards answering the above question was... let's get a dog.