There was a huge display for Bang energy drink at my local supermarket, so I grabbed a couple of them. They always looked intimidating to me because of the labels stating that people sensitive to caffeine should be careful. There’s also a warning on the back that says it’s meant to be consumed by “healthy” people. I’m not sure whether or not I’m “healthy.” I have good blood pressure and I work out regularly, but I don’t know if those are the kind of parameters they’re looking for. I smoke cigarettes too, and I eat processed food on occasion. I don’t fucking know what healthy is. I don’t even know if that’s an attainable thing, let alone a requirement for consuming a drink. But whatever! I grabbed Blue Razz and Sour Heads. My favorite flavor is sour/tart, so I was hoping these would be lip puckering sour with carbonation and, of course, caffeine.
I have a lot of questions about serving sizes. I’ve always had them, but I started thinking about them again when I bought the Monster Hydro Water Energy Drink (Blue Ice flavor). The flavor is GOOD, tastes like a blue raspberry, not super sweet. It isn’t carbonated, which has its pros and cons. On the positive side, it’s nice to just drink something smooth without harsh energy drink carbonation. On the negative side, it’s not carbonated, so there’s not much to keep me, you, or anyone from drinking the bottle quickly.
Let me start by saying that if you’re looking for a bunch of genitalia-related puns please look elsewhere. This is a serious review blog where sexual desires are repressed and beverage-related thirst runs rampant. No horniness allowed. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let's talk about Pussy.
Wave Soda boasts few ingredients, but the ones they use pack a punch. Before I read more about the flavors and beverage, I expected this one to be more like a natural soda (similar to Hansens), but it’s different, in a good way. For me, the definition of this drink sits between being a sparkling juice and being a soda. If I were to parallel it to another (excellent) brand on the market I’d say it’s closest to Spindrift. Sparkling juices don’t seem to have harnessed the right carbonation to juice ratio, and the fizz sparks a little more than the fruit juice does... sparkling juices haven’t been perfected yet. I’m willing to argue about this, but the facts (my opinions) remain. Across the board, in a universal sense, sparkling juices haven’t gotten the formula right. Soda has that perfect ratio, usually in part due to the devil ingredient high fructose corn syrup. High fructose corn syrup is probably one of the most controversial food ingredients, and concern about it has only increased over decades. While some soda brands (like Hansens and Wave) are proud not to use it, other beverage brands (like Snapple), sneakily put it in their beverages and include it under the tricky umbrella of “natural ingredients.” Though around 2013, Snapple claims to have removed high fructose corn syrup from its beverages, there’s no way to know for sure—because of that “natural ingredient” listing. I could talk about this more, and will in a later post, but for now I’ll stick to the matter at hand.
When I first picked out this drink, I was expecting something else. The packaging is clear: TURMERIC in bold print and blood orange underneath. I was expecting a fizzy drink with body. The carbonation is strong—the kind that almost bubbles up behind your eyes after you drink it. There’s a definite blood orange flavor, but I was expecting spice—some kind of kick after the initial swallow. It never came. This drink is not bad. I think after suspending my expectations and just drinking it, I was able to enjoy. But that’s not the point.