Lemonade is truly one of life’s simplest pleasures. Too often, though, it comes in the form of unimaginative flavor combinations (OK strawberry lemonade, I Get It), and the drink itself ends up being imbalanced and syrupy. I love a good chain restaurant, but they have to stop just pumping strawberry syrup into plain lemonade and calling it a day. Please respect the drink.
It’s really, truly winter, and among other crushing aspects of the season, some of the best fruit is hard to find. I live in the Midwest, so if you’re in a warmer climate and have access to other seasonal options, congratulations. I envy you for that. The weather here sucks ass, and if I’m being completely honest, I would love to not experience another cold season. Realistically, there’s nothing I will do about it. I’ll bundle up in a winter coat and thick scarf every year and sigh and fantasize about other places I could be living.
Borrowing its name from a product in the novel Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison, Soylent claims to be the perfect meal replacement to solve issues of food insecurity through Silicon Valley engineering. I recently rewatched the film Soylent Green (1973), and though the official soylent website claims the drink isn’t as bleak as the meal replacements offered in the film, the association is still incredibly dystopian. Soylent Green is a film set in New York City in 2022, where the poor are packed in the streets, and real food only exists for those who can afford it—the rich. While older people can vaguely remember the taste of fruit or meat, younger generations were born under depressing circumstances, and have no idea what real food tastes like. The poor subsist on an allegedly nutritious food made of soybeans and lentils, as the Greenhouse Effect has ruined the Earth and made other food unsustainable. Fueled by a series of murders and suspicious events, Detective Thorn starts investigating what looks to be a dark secret surrounding soylent green.
Seedlip boasts being the first non-alcoholic distilled spirit, taking inspiration from an old recipe book of herbal concoctions from the 1770s. They seek to quench the thirst of people who wonder “What do I drink when I’m not drinking?” and have three flavors of distilled spirits. Grove 42, Spice 94 and Garden 108 all have unique flavors and descriptions, and I went with Garden 108 for this week’s review. Garden 108 is a floral blend and includes handpicked hay and sugar snap peas, which sounded weird as hell to me. As we all know, if it sounds weird, I need to try it.
My sleep schedule has been all fucked up. I think it’s a combination of anticipation, a lot going on in my personal life, and a general sense of sadness about world events. Anyway, I haven’t been sleeping. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. Lack of sleep is the most jarring shock to the system. It makes the night unbearable and the following day is even worse. There’s a fuzzy haze on everything..conversations, the work day, food. Nothing sounds or flows or tastes quite right.
Dr. Joseph Priestley is allegedly responsible for creating carbonated water by accident in 1767. I say “allegedly” because I wasn’t there. But in 1772, he published a paper with possibly the horniest title of any paper ever written: Impregnating Water with Fixed Air. I don’t care what anyone says, he wanted to have sex with that water. As a longtime seltzer fan, I honestly don’t blame him. Seltzer is a water worth fucking.