"You can't love someone until you love yourself" is a phrase that has always haunted me. It left me growing up, believing I could never find actual love. As a depressed teen living with a father they always had a rocky relationship with, I told myself I was doomed. I lived under the strict rule that I couldn't date until I was eighteen. Once I knew that, I knew that my childhood would be bland in comparison to those dating freely. After some time, I did not want to date. I saw all of the trouble and drama it caused my friends, and I was happy to opt out. I had a few long distance relationships with online friends, all of which I'm still friends with today. I had tried twice in person. One I'm still friends with, one I haven't spoken with since, and I'm content with that. After those failures, I thought the old saying might be true, but then I met this huge nerd.
For years, writing has been my passion. I have so many ideas brewing around in my head for different novels, but none of which have come to fruition. I can be half asleep and come up with an amazing plot. I'll wake up and jot some basics down, but they are basically useless to me. I can never have enough muse to get anything done. If my life isn't even together, how can I put another one together? I often put the blame on depression for draining my life force, slowly, but surely. As it turns out, this is only part of the case. Executive dysfunction is the actual culprit.