If I stayed
I would’ve been
Letting myself get
Autopsied alive
❀
If I left I would’ve
Become a carcass
Rotting with guilt
And loneliness
❀
I couldn’t win
❀
You left.
Amputated me
Like a limb
Posted your happiness
On a billboard and
Everywhere I might see it
❀
I swallowed denial
Coughed up infectious realisations
And watched my entire life
Collapse around me
Questions falling like debris
❀
You won
❀
I buried myself
Under six feet of anger
Bargained with depression
And clawed at semblances of sanity
❀
I lost
❀
There I was
Searching for closure
Watching my ribcage decay
Writing my own eulogy
❀
You kept winning
❀
I tried and tried and tried
❀
But I kept losing
❀
Now I hold
Summits in my palms
And wear dreams
Like mascara
❀
I have exhaled
The need for your validation
And inhaled an alleviation
I paid for with 12 months of my life
❀
The words “I am happy”
Are precious and golden
And finally, finally true
❀
Who’s won now?
❀❀❀❀❀
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Comments (14)
beautiful!
I love the flipping of the script at the end, indeed who's won now?? Great piece Poppy, love the whole vibe from start to finish! Leaves me feeling inspired!
Wow
Ooh, that ending!! So positive, but with such baggage... The image of being autopsied alive is terrifying me, even now. "Now I hold Summits in my palms And wear dreams Like mascara" This is my favorite stanza, though. Gorgeous images. I LOVE holding summits in one's palms, and dreams being like mascara; you can finally see them. Just... masterful.
Exceptional!!! Wonderful writing
Wow! Gut wrenchingly vivid! So relieved you have finally triumphed and won happiness.
It's definitely you who won! Loved your poem so much!
Stunning! So much pain and tension and then so triumphant in the final stanzas! Great poem, Poppy!
Soul ripping slam; your poetry breaks me.
Beautiful
Such a beautiful poem and very relatable.
I SO wanted that ending. Beautiful poem
Beautiful piece. Love these lines especially, though the whole thing is so wrought with emotion "The words “I am happy” Are precious and golden And finally, finally true"
"I buried myself Under six feet of anger Bargained with depression And clawed at semblances of sanity" I love this verse more than I feel fully qualified to explain. I have felt this exact thing more times than I can count. Buried myself under six feet of anger, the feeling of having died, unable to feel ought else but that rage. The all consuming fire that tears down our sanity and drives us into the ground. This was a truly beautiful poem, Poppy! Loved it