dear

you don’t deserve my words but i deserve to get this off my chest - i can hardly breathe. the thought of you makes me choke, i keep replaying your words and your eyes and your face in my head. you follow me everywhere. i never wanted to give away my heart - i barely knew it existed. but you stole it and i let you. you must not know what it is like to have a heart cuz you would never be able to do what you did if you had one. the things you said about me … the lies? you continue to say. i don’t know what to believe anymore. if you really mean it. if you really mean anything. it’s so hard when all the times we had together were the best times i ever had. i hate that now when i look back i question everything. i loved the way we laughed, i loved the way you held me, i loved holding you. i wanted to show you who i knew you could be - because i know underneath all this crap you are the best person i have ever met. i know one day you will be. it makes me sad that I won’t be there to see it. i don’t know how you will remember me or if you will but i hope it is always with a smile on your face. i never told you but i will now: i love you. and i hope one day you will learn to love yourself. i’ll miss you more than words can say. i will stay awake at night, i will count the stars, i will try to forget and i never will. i carry you in my heart.

xxx, Sara