Sisters in the Spectrum

In 600-800 words, write about a woman (en) who has inspired you for ‘International Woman's Day’ this Year of the Dragon 2024.

I’ve been asked before, if you could turn back time and change anything, would you? I usually say no, because it could change my life in too many ways. However, I wonder how much different, perhaps even better, my life could have been if I had met my friend Elanor sooner.

As an autistic adult, I often feel like an outsider looking in. For the first time in my life, it feels like I have someone holding my hand, helping me find a way inside. I finally have someone like minded to navigate a universe that wasn’t laid out for us. Navigating the labyrinths of reality alone is terrifying, every Minotaur another ableist person trying to strike at my worth. Elanor has become not just a warrior in a friend, but like my armor. She’s there to help shield and protect me in battle when I am the most fragile.

I met Elanor over a decade ago online. It’s wild to think you can connect with someone so deeply across technology, but it’s truly possible. When we finally met in person ten years ago, it was like we had been hanging out for our whole lives. We talked and joked over sushi and I gave her one of my childhood X Files figures. Looking back, I realize how important that moment alone was. To give someone something from my special collections was like giving away a trophy for me as an autistic person, but handing Dana Scully off to Elanor just seemed right. Perhaps in that moment it cemented how much she would grow to mean to me, more treasured than any collectible. A true friend was more valuable than anything for me.

When work brought her to my area, we became room mates. She taught me to be a little more patient, a lot less reactive and kinder to myself especially. She helped me navigate some of the most difficult parts of being autistic, but she never ran off and left me in the dark alone. Instead, she helped me learn to light a fire to find my way out of the shadows whilst also making sure the fire didn’t burn me alive. In her patience with me, she learned more about parts of who she was. Eventually, after years of research and my gentle urging, she was diagnosed as autistic herself. I saw the face of her reality hiding behind a mask, and in a rare moment for us, our unapologetic autistic selves locked eyes on a deeper level. We became more than friends, more like family. Siblings in the autism spectrum. There was an understanding I had longed for so deeply, now a part of my life like a tattoo. Close to me always and with me as long as I live. As she was a force of compassion and friendship for me, I was determined to do the same for her. I continue to leap walls of my own insecurities and negative thoughts to be a better support system. Even though we are both autistic, it’s a spectrum for a reason. We are similar and yet not exactly the same, and just as she educated herself on my needs, I’m here to do the same for her.

Though I do wish we could have known each other sooner, I know some of the most important and treasured parts of life are worth waiting for. Just like every dragon must find their fire, I’ve found someone to help keep that flame in me lit.