Porn Again-Part Three

Continued from Part Two…

Loud Hip-Hop blasted from the premium Bang & Olufsen speakers as he struggled to keep his senses together. The streetlights gleaming through the night became a dizzying blur as the convertible sped effortlessly along the city streets. Staring up at the stars above, Happy wondered if this was another dream headed for a bad ending.

“Will you turn that shit off please?”

Lucky gave him an annoyed look before finally relenting and shutting off the stereo. Happy took a moment to check out the car. A brand new, fully loaded Audi S5 enveloped him in some of the finest leather and features money could buy. As far back as he could remember, while Happy had to work harder than most just to get by, Lucky was just, well...lucky. A mediocre student at best, he was the type that all the girls loved and all the guys wanted to have a beer with just to pick his brain. Forever stringing along one poor, unfortunate woman after another, the prick now lived the easy life amongst the stars and entertainment industry hopefuls of Los Angeles. Whether it was whoring himself out to rich, married cougars in the Valley or drug induced parties in the Hollywood Hills, Lucky lived life in the fast lane, and all courtesy of his multi-million dollar Powerball jackpot years ago. Even in his drunken haze, Happy could see that his brother still had a penchant for the finest clothes money could buy. From designer jeans and button-down shirts all the way to the flashy Rolex on his wrist, Lucky spared no expense when it came to living it up. Some guys indeed had all the luck.

“Still the snotty little shit you’ve always been I see. I guess that marriage thing didn’t work out so well for you. I told you a long time ago to leave the bitch.”

“Hey! Don’t you talk about my wife like that! And how the hell did you get the news so fast?”

Lucky took a fresh drag off a newly-lit cigarette followed by a swig of beer, courtesy of the cooler in the backseat nearly littered with empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans along with an odd sight Happy hadn’t caught wind of yet. Clearly this wasn’t a man too obsessed with obeying driving laws.

“Well she called me because she knew I was in town and couldn’t get you on the phone. I don’t know if you realize this bro, but open communication is critical in any relationship these days. Maybe that’s the reason why-“

“What else?”

“Well Pop hadn’t heard anything, so I figured I’d swing by the old bar where we used to hang out just in case you were still the same plain, ordinary, routine fuck I grew up with. Never in a million years did I imagine I’d find your ass in a titty bar of all places. Anyway, Candy’s pretty pissed, but she still wants to talk to you. Not that I could blame you after that Wrestlemania moment back at the house. Heard you trashed the place pretty good, in spite of that shiner you’re sporting. I told you a long time ago she was no good.”

Happy studied his reflection in the side view mirror, wincing a bit from the fresh black eye.

“Lucky, please. I’ve got some major problems right now, and...wait a minute. She’s pretty pissed??? I busted my ass for four years at a job that I was due for a promotion on and today I was just let go due to bullshit cutbacks. I get home and what do I find? I see another man’s cock shoved up her ass and she’s pissed???”

“Candace is into anal?”

“What? I don’t know; that’s not the fucking point! The point is that my wife, the woman I love cheated on me Lucky! Can you even begin to understand that? Can you???”

“Look don’t start getting all sensitive with me just because the cheating bitch fucked around and you finally caught her in the act. You always did have to learn things the hard way. Did you know the guy?”

“It was the next door neighbor,” Happy replied as he snatched the beer straight out of Lucky’s hand. “Some Black cocksucker who calls himself ‘Scorpio’...and will you stop calling her a cheating bitch?”

Lucky flashed him a perplexed look. “Pardon me, but is Candace your wife?”

“What kind of dumbass question is that? Of course she’s my wife!”

“Well if Candace is your wife, and you came home from work to find her in bed with another man, that’s usually a clear cut indicator that she’s a, how do you say it? Oh that’s right...a cheating bitch!”

“Not today Lucky. You picked the wrong guy on the wrong day and I’m not in the mood for any of your bullshit. It’s not like you would understand anyway.”

“Oh really? I wouldn’t understand?”

“Hell no you wouldn’t understand. You’ll stick your cock into anything that moves. You’ve never truly been in love a day in your life!”

“Oh no? What about Masha?”

“Who?”

“Masha. You remember her. The flight attendant from St. Petersburg

that I’d introduced you to? About a year ago.”

Happy continued checking his black eye in the mirror. “You mean the married woman whose husband had your ass running out of his house naked the night I had to bail you out of jail?”

“Well that’s neither here nor there. The point is that the bitch was beautiful. And yes Hap, I was in love. Believe it or not, your older brother had finally found love in this depressing abyss we call life.”

“Aww come off it Lucky, you were in love with her pussy.”

“Let’s not argue semantics here.”

The Audi took a slight detour off the highway in search of a late night fast food place.

“Where the hell are we going anyway?”

“Hey genius, what does it look like? We’re getting some food. You’ve had quite a bit to drink tonight and I’m starving. Pop made me swear I’d find you sooner or later and I really don’t appreciate spending my free time while I’m in town looking for you. And to think you’re supposed to be the responsible one.”

“Ok look, I appreciate you picking me up and giving me a ride. Let’s just get some food so I can figure out what I’m going to do next. This has to be without a doubt the worst day of my life and I don’t need any more surprises ok?”

“Ok bro. Fine with me.”

At that moment, a subdued, guttural moan emerged from the backseat. Happy and Lucky both turned around to see the near wasted sight of a woman stretched out in a half-ripped black dress with a mop of long, brunette hair strung over her face. Only the faint image of a pair of smoky, dazed eyes stared back at them.”

“Lucky, can you get me a burger with extra cheese baby?” Happy looked at the woman dumbfounded.

“Who the hell is this???”

“I was meaning to talk to you about that.”

The woman slowly pushed back her mess of hair, getting a good look at Happy. A smile slithered across her face as she crept closer, placing her arms around him.

“You’re cute. What’s your name?”

He quickly removed the woman’s arms from around him. “Lucky, who the hell is this half wasted hooker you got stashed in the back seat?”

“Hey, watch your tone and stop jumping to conclusions. You see that’s your problem. That was always your problem, always jumping to conclusions and making irrational judgments on things you don’t understand.”

“Lucky???”

“This beautiful young feminine creature in the back is a very dear friend of mine. Her name is Kitty. Say hello Kitty.”

Kitty draped her arms back around him. “Mmmm...hello Kitty.”

Happy noticed a small drop of crimson emerging from one of her nostrils.

“Why is her nose bleeding?”

“Shit, not again,” Lucky groaned as he pulled into the parking lot of a burger joint.

“What? Not again what?”

Lucky quickly rummaged through the glove compartment for a tissue. “Well Kitty and I were hanging out in Miami for this big convention. We met some friends, had some drinks and later we were feeling so good that we decided to do not a lot, but a tiny, insignificant, miniscule amount of coke. It’s just that sometimes Kitty can get a little-“

“What the fuck is your problem Lucky? You mean to tell me you actually have me riding around with your dumb ass with liquor in the back seat and a coked up hooker?”

“Hey, she is not a hooker. She’s a porn star, big difference.” “WHAT???”

Several customers standing in line at the restaurant all spun around in their direction.

“Would you relax for a minute? Just keep a cool head about this.” “How the hell can I keep a cool head about this? I’ve lost my job and virtually my marriage all in the same day and to make matters worse, my jackass brother has me riding around with a coked up hooker-“

“She’s a porn star Hap-“

“FUCK YOU LUCKY! You know, this is typical...just typical of you. You always knew how to make a bad situation even worse and fuck it up for everybody, even when we were kids.”

While the duo continued their argument, Kitty reclined back into her seat, reaching into her purse for a small vial of coke.

“Oh God, please spare me the same lame ass complaint about when we were kids. I’ve been hearing about this crap for years and I’m so sick of it. You were supposed to be on the lookout for when Pop got home so he wouldn’t catch me up in the tree. Do you know how much money I lost off Mrs. Harrison’s pictures that the other kids didn’t get? You cost me a lot of cash that day Hap, all because you were too busy thinking about yourself.”

Happy took a look in the backseat, nearly horrified at the sight of Kitty sampling another dose of cocaine.

“Want a bump?”

“I don’t believe this. I really don’t believe this. All these years and you haven’t changed one bit-“

“I had damn near every kid on the block buying photos of that woman from me, even some of the grown men,” Lucky continued. “But no, someone had to go and be a damn boy scout and ruin the whole thing.”

Kitty continued, taking a second bump along with rubbing a small amount on her gums, much to Happy’s disgust.

“Look bro,” Lucky continued. “I realize you’re very tense at the moment. You’ve had a long day, not to mention your marriage going down the drain. Naturally you’re stressed and justifiably so, and I think the best thing to do now is to relax, decompress...and just let the night go by peacefully. Look at it this way, it could be worse.”

“Oh really??? It can’t possibly get any worse than this!”

As they were talking, Happy quickly spotted the sight of a state trooper pulling into the driveway for a late night meal. As they passed the car, the officer in the passenger’s seat gave them a quick once over before the car made its way up to the speaker.

Oh fuck...

“Ok, try to calm down and be as nonchalant as possible. It’s not as bad as it seems. We’re just a bunch of friends hanging out for the night.”

“Lucky I swear to God, I hope that when you die, you end up parking cars and jerking off midgets in Hell. Just get us out of here. Now.”

“Shut the fuck up and calm down, alright? Kitty sweetheart, I need you to do me a favor. When that cop car gets around the back of the drive- thru, let’s toss the cooler and all the beer over these bushes behind us. Hap I need you to get in the back seat with Kitty.”

Happy looked on confused. The officer in the car continued to look back at the trio as it made its way behind the restaurant and out of their sight.

“For what?”

“Because she’s your date tonight.”

“What? Have you lost your damn mind?”

“You already got your ass whipped tonight after catching Candy cheating on you. Do you really want to get busted for drunk driving along with a coked up hooker in the back seat?”

“I thought you said she was a porn star?”

“Whatever. That’s not the fucking point.”

Kitty and Lucky moved quickly as the car disappeared, clearing out the back seat and tossing everything deep into the bushes that outlined the parking lot.

“Get in the back seat Hap. I don’t think you want them to see that black eye of yours.”

“Of all the stupidest things I’ve ever-“ “Hurry up.”

He reluctantly hopped in the backseat, with Kitty quickly wrapping her arms back around him, smiling. As Lucky began to pull off, the police car passed in front of them and came to a dead stop near the exit.

“Oh shit,” Happy muttered.

“Shut up and just act natural.”

“How the hell am I supposed to act when-“

In that second, Kitty climbed on top of him, burying her face into his and kissing him deeply. From Lucky’s viewpoint, he could easily see the officers in the car watching from the rearview mirror. After a few brief, but nonetheless tense moments, the car finally pulled off and disappeared into the emerging mass of traffic along the street. Lucky reached back into the glove compartment, this time pulling out a joint. Quickly lighting up, he offered his brother a taste.

“Didn’t I tell you everything would be alright?”

“Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.”

Lucky pulled off onto the street giggling. “Maybe we got off on the wrong foot tonight. Tell you what, we’ll go back to my hotel, have a few drinks and sort all this shit out. Besides, I have a proposition for you.”

“I knew it. I knew you wanted something.”

“Relax bro. Relax. Tell you what. Since you’re so tense, let me put on some nice chill music to help you get your mind off things. Then we can get down to business.”

“What business?”

“Would you just relax Hap? You’ve had a rough night. Everything will be alright, I promise.”

Somewhere in the back of Happy’s mind, he knew the night was not only far from over; it was just beginning. There was a distinct reason as to why Lucky held the reputation he was known for. Some people run off the tracks early in life, but at some point they finally get it together and grow up. Others never do. Some spend their entire lives dancing like puppets from one screw up to the next, and yet it’s always someone else’s fault...never theirs. Lucky was such a dickhead; a train wreck of a person that somehow always managed to steer clear of serious disaster or worse. Some guys truly do have all the luck.

As the car sped off down the highway to a destination that was unclear, Happy wrestled with the question lurking in his mind as to how exactly did he get to this point in his life and why. Even now with anger, depression and humility burning through his soul, he couldn’t help but envision Candy’s image in his head. The love of his life, completely ravaged by their next-door neighbor who’d smile right in his face every time they saw each other. When did this affair start? What led to it and how long had it been going on? With no job, utter embarrassment and the fear of uncertainty looming all around him, Happy could do no more than surrender to the plush leather adorning the back seat. He stared up at the city lights and let the vibe of the night laced with melancholy, wash over him. Lucky smiled a subtle smile at the sight of his brother in the rearview, with Kitty draped over him. After a few brief moments, Happy opened his eyes in confusion to the sounds of Michael Jackson’s ‘Dirty Diana’ blasting from the stereo. Staring up at Kitty who was now straddling him, giving him an impromptu and somewhat awkward lap dance, his head fell back. “Fuck my life,” he groaned as the Audi disappeared into darkness...

***

As quickly as the phone rang, Chas snatched it away from the ornate bar setup in the living room.

“Yeah...you found him? Good...is he okay? Are you sure? No, she’s still worried because her husband hasn’t called her. I’m aware of that Lawrence, but that’s something for those two to deal with, not you.”

Chas Downman was a man who like his son, also appreciated a good whiskey. Macallan 25, neat. It was his usual routine on a late night while relaxing on his couch in front of the television listening to political pundits and arguments from both sides of the table. In the days that had passed, every news station from FOX News to MSNBC waged verbal and psychological warfare over the economic crisis. With seemingly no end in sight, alcohol or a nice game of golf were the only things these days that seemed to calm his nerves.

“Oh, so you think he’s the only one who’s got problems these days?” Chas continued. “Our stocks are going down the crapper, I’ve missed out on quite a few golf games because I have to be down at the hospital and deal with the circus of people who think they can get sick for free, but let’s just stop the world because your brother’s having personal problems!”

Pamela Downman emerged from the upstairs bedroom, awakened by all the commotion. Even in her early 50’s, the woman was still just as striking and beautiful as ever. Draped in a silk robe, one could easily see how high society could enjoy such a life. Whether it was Botox, a facelift or whatever new skin treatments entered the market, she enjoyed her time experimenting, contributing to a youthful looking figure full of poise.

“Chas, what is all this racket? It’s one o’clock in the morning. Did Lucky find him?”

He continued with his conversation. “I warned him a long time ago that something like this would happen. How do you think it makes me feel to hear my colleagues talk about their kids’ successful lives but I have to deal with a son who wastes away in a bookstore when he could’ve become a doctor? And you...don’t even get me started on you Lawrence. I don’t even want to know what you’ve gotten yourself involved in out there in that decadent, den of sin with your whores, pro-marijuana hippies and left-wing sodomites. What? Hell no I’ve never told the people I work with about you. They don’t even know I have another son!”

“Chas that’s enough!” Pamela chimed in.

“You know what Lucky? I think it’s better we just continue this conversation some other time. Right...well you just make sure that he makes it over here for dinner. Mom and I would like the family to get together, and maybe we can all straighten out this debacle. Well I guess that means you too, you son of a-“

The phone suddenly went cold.

“That no-good, ungrateful son-of-a-bitch!”

“Alright, enough! I can’t take the two of you arguing like you do.

There’s been way too much excitement tonight and everybody needs to just calm down.”

Pamela went over to the bar, making him a drink.

“Honey, do you think I need to get my breasts done?”

The question caught the man completely off guard.

“What?”

“Well, I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I’m not too satisfied with the way they look. I think they’re getting a little droopy. What do you think?”

Much too Chas’ shock, his wife opened her robe right in front of him, with nothing but a pair of panties underneath.

“Do you remember my friend Jessica who’s married to Bruce the gynecologist? You two met at the Republican National Convention. Well anyway, she was having a bit of a ‘tryst’ shall we say with this Palestinian boy she met at Sandals Resort. Not exactly the smartest choice of ‘help’ if you ask me but I digress. Anyway, she just kept going on and on about how he couldn’t keep his hands off her rather perky additions that she paid six grand for. They call them ‘gummy bears’ on account of the overall feel and I was thinking-“

“Pamela, as much as I appreciate your efforts at making yourself look beautiful...and you do indeed look beautiful, our son just caught his wife...”

Chas took another look at his wife, noticing what she was wearing. A coy smile and wink danced across her face as she spun around, modeling for him.

“Pamela, are those the new panties I bought for you, the ones that you weren’t supposed to know about?”

“Oh honey,” she purred. “You should know by now that you can’t keep anything hidden away from me. And if I do say so myself Mr. Downman, you have mighty exquisite taste indeed. Agent Provocateur. Didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“Considering all the ads for their line plastered through the house, how could I not?” he replied. “However, we’ve got more important things to deal with. Our daughter-in-law cheated on our son...and with one of their neighbors no less.”

She took a seat next to him on the couch with drink in hand while stroking her hair.

“I know, and it’s awful. It wasn’t that odd-looking Hispanic guy from across the street was it?”

“No, it was the Black guy next door.”

“Oh God no!” she exclaimed, quickly gulping down the drink meant for her husband, much to his dismay.

“Yeah, it’s much worse than we thought. You know what pisses me off about the whole thing? You know what really chaps my ass? It’s bad enough that somehow this country’s managed to allow one of ‘them’ to get into the White House but no, that’s not enough. They just have to find other ways to rub it in!”

Pamela proceeded back to the bar for another round.

“Chas we have to do something about this immediately. And I think Candace and I need to have some serious time alone for some girl talk. I mean it’s bad enough that she’s sleeping around...but with a Black guy??? What on Earth was she thinking?”

Chas began to pace the floor, with the weight of his disposition nearly burning holes through the carpet. The recent events were certainly getting to him.

“You know what this is all about right? You know what’s the cause of all this? It’s that damn bebop, fucking rap bullshit! I’m telling you Pam, every single place I go it’s all I hear. When I’m on the road to work, when I’m at the grocery store or even at the mall, I’ve got to listen to some ignorant high school dropout who gets shot and becomes a millionaire over singing some ignorant poetry. And women today actually find this crap sexy!”

“Well it’s a sign of the times Chas. Things just aren’t what they used to be. Not much you can do about it.”

“And now this Obama shit,” the man continued. “Don’t even get me started on this prick. I’m so mad right now, I swear to God I could-“

“Honey just try to calm yourself. I’ll make you a drink.”

“And if Lucky comes over here starting any of his commie liberal bullshit, I’ll take my driver and smack-“

“Ok enough! This is a rough time for both us, and especially for Harper. Our poor son just got the shock of his life and God only knows how he’s feeling. Now the main thing for us to do at this time is be supportive...and to listen to him Chas. Those two need help, and in a major way. Maybe some good Christian marriage counseling can get them back on track before it’s really too late.”

Pamela pulled Chas back down to the couch, sitting on his lap and giving him a kiss.

“Just a nice, quiet dinner with the family. Everything will be worked out just fine.”

Chas relented, giving her a soulful hug. “Ok dear. I really hope it does. Maybe this time that stubborn son of ours will actually listen to reason.”

“Great. So what do you think about them?”

“Hell if I know Pam. With Lucky around, there’s no telling what crazy nonsense he’s filling Harper’s head with.”

“That wasn’t what I was talking about. Do you think I should go a size bigger or not?”

A bewildered look crept across the man’s face.

“Honey are you kidding me right now? With everything that’s going on, all you can think about is a new set of tits just so you can look like Jessica.”

The old man thought for a moment.

“Wait a second. Isn’t Jessica Jewish?”

“Yeah. And to think she was shacking up with a pool boy.”

“And a Palestinian of all people,” Chas added. “What the hell is this world coming to?”

***

“I swear, I don’t know what this world is coming to,” Happy remarked over a swig of flat beer.

For someone who didn’t always have the best standards, Lucky’s hefty fortune had somehow conditioned him to the finer things in life; evident by the luxurious hotel suite they were now sitting in. He quickly rolled another joint after helping a staggering Kitty to the shower. Much in his usual way, he offered to share. Much to his usual routine however, Happy would have no part in it.

“Still the usual ‘stick up your ass’ altar boy. No wonder your wife’s sleeping around.

“I just don’t get it Lucky. I mean I just do not get it at all. Candy and I had a beautiful marriage, a wonderful marriage. She was the perfect woman for me. Now it doesn’t mean anything at all. It’s just a bunch of wasted years gone down the drain.”

“Ok bro, I get the fact that you’re going through something pretty heavy right now, but you’re starting to sound just as bad as one of those females on Oprah all of a sudden. What happened to your balls? What happened to the brother I once knew who at least had a backbone?”

Happy quickly shrugged off the thought.

“I don’t know why I’m talking about my problems to you of all people. I don’t even know why I’m here in a hotel room with you when I should be at home trying to fix my marriage!”

“And what good is that going to do? Maybe if you’d spent more time paying Candy more attention, she wouldn’t be out fucking around with the Mandingo next door.”

Happy slammed the beer bottle on the table. “Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that aside from obviously being a cheating bitch...maybe you inadvertently contributed to this.”

Happy looked at his brother stunned. “So you’re saying this is all my fault?”

“According to the court of public opinion...yes, and I can clearly see you don’t have a clue what the hell I’m talking about so I’ll explain.”

Lucky could feel his brother’s eyes weighing down heavily on him.

“I know you’re hurting right now bro, but just consider this. What Candy did was wrong, but according to society, it’s really your fault. You see women are primarily creatures of the heart. They feel things more deeply than we do, and they go through more shit than we do, blah, blah, blah.”

“And your point is what exactly?”

“The point, my little Happy-san is that there is a clear cut double standard here in America as it pertains to relationships. You see when men cheat it’s naturally because we’re mentally and genetically predisposed to bang everything we see. Loosely translated, we’re pieces of shit who can’t keep it in our pants even if we tried. However, when women cheat, there’s always an underlining justification for it. Maybe you weren’t paying her enough attention. Maybe you weren’t communicating or being more sensitive to her needs. Maybe at the end of the day my little Happy- san...maybe you just got a little cock and can’t fuck worth a damn. Either way, if you cheat, you’re a piece of shit. If she cheats, you’re an inattentive husband. And while the pain you’re going through right now does matter, it just doesn’t matter as much as if she were the one going through it. Either way, you’re fucked. See, that’s why I’ll never get married. I will say this is pretty interesting though. Didn’t know Candy was into BBC.”

Happy looked at his brother dumbfounded. “BBC?”

“Jesus Christ Hap, you don’t know squat do you? Big. Black. Cock. That’s catching on nowadays; a lot of White women are into it, especially married White women. Speaking of which, you won’t believe this wild party I went to about a month ago. There were these-“

“Ok, how exactly does your warped, biased litany on modern marriage help me?”

“I was getting to that before I was so rudely interrupted.”

“Well excuse me for not being so receptive to your presentation.”

“Are you going to listen or not?” Lucky asked before taking a nice long drag off his joint. “I’m here to help. If you don’t want my help-“

“Fine. I am just dying to hear this.”

Lucky took another drag off the joint before offering Happy another chance. Again, the offer was not accepted.

“Ok so I’m invited to this fancy shindig up in the Hollywood Hills about a month ago. Big fancy, palatial home up on Mulholland Drive overlooking everything; place was fucking gorgeous. Anyway, I’m thinking it’s another industry party filled with actors, actresses, wannabes, etc. You know, the type where they exchange blowjobs for potential parts in the next flick to be made, that sort of thing. Turns out, it’s a rather elite and selective party, known only to a few key people. So I get there and I see absolutely nothing but some of the most beautiful...not to mention the richest married women Hollywood money can buy. I’m talking big time wives of directors, executives, the real movers and shakers of the film industry. Only this rather elite and seductive party filled with these beautiful, married women who shall remain nameless...was a Mandingo party.”

His words left Happy even more confused than when he first started.

“I can see modern education isn’t worth a damn, so let me continue. A Mandingo party is a party in which older, mature White women, or ‘cougars’ as they like to be called, engage in sexual activity with very masculine, very virile...and very hung Black men. Hap I swear to God, I’ve never seen any shit like this in my life. You wouldn’t believe the cocks on these bulls, I’m talking fucking National Geographic-“

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT LUCKY?”

“Ok, I can see you’re not getting my point so let me continue,” he remarked. “I don’t know when this sort of thing started and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the fulfilling of fantasies concerning sexual stereotypes or something like that, I don’t know, but Hap I have never...and I mean never seen women get off like this in my life. And I’m no slouch myself. I mean on a good day my stamina is like-“

“Will you get to the damn point?”

“Anyway, so imagine a great night by the pool overlooking the Los Angeles skyline. Great music, great food and the absolute best marijuana these cocksuckers in Congress won’t legalize outside California. The vibe is great; everybody’s enjoying great conversation. Then all of a sudden, this group of Black guys come out, all muscle and tattooed up and wearing masks. I don’t know where they found these brothers from, but they fucked the living shit out these women Hap. I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or inspired. And you want to know what the best part of it was? You won’t believe this. The husbands were actually present and watching. Not only were they not mad; they seemed to get off on it even more than their wives. Some even filmed it! It was without question the most educational night I’ve had in a long time, and believe me brother, I have seen some shit in my day.”

The look on Happy’s face was one of utter repulsion.

“So let me see if I got this straight. Are you suggesting that I shouldn’t be mad over my wife’s adulterous ways? Are you suggesting that I actually encourage this type of behavior? I’m really beginning to wonder if mom ever did drugs when she was pregnant with you.”

“Look Hap, the moral of the story is this; Candy for whatever reason, isn’t getting the fulfillment she feels she needs in her marriage to you. Furthermore, I think you may be in denial about your ability to satisfy her. Either way, I think that instead of blowing up over this you could use it in your favor. You do love Candy don’t you?”

“Of course I love her.”

“Then maybe you saw this coming and were just in denial about it. Maybe she stopped laughing at your corny jokes. Maybe she stopped putting so much effort into dressing up for you; instead she started wearing those sexy dresses you like to go out elsewhere.”

He thought about it for a moment.

“Well she did start dressing a bit more sexy while hanging out with Stacy and Rob. It wasn’t until later that I found out she’d been giving tips to this Scorpio fuck and helping him buy art.”

“Stacy and Rob? Is she still with that guy?”

“The one and the same.”

“Isn’t he half a fag?”

“Lucky I don’t give a damn about him! I just want my marriage back. I want my life back. I’m so mad right now I could put a hole in this fucking wall! All my years of hard work and this is the thanks I get? That bitch!”

“So I take it the ‘cuckold’ thing wouldn’t really work for you?”

“What cuckold thing? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well that’s when a married man gets off on his wife-“

“Lucky I’m about two seconds away from knocking you on your ass! This is all a big joke to you isn’t it?”

“I’m just trying to offer a little levity to the situation. Just trying to get you to consider an alternative that maybe you never thought of. Speaking of alternatives...I have a bit of a favor to ask.”

Happy braced himself for it. He knew it was coming sooner or later. Lucky motioned for him to have a seat, which he reluctantly agreed.

“I don’t know why I’m entertaining this nonsense, but it better be good.”

“Let’s assume for the sake of argument that things don’t work out so smoothly between you and Candy after this little incident. Not saying that it won’t, but let’s just say it didn’t. Would you be open to a change in lifestyle?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I understand that you lost your job as well,” Lucky continued. “And for a guy your age, I can’t imagine too many retail locations in the area hungry for a new Store Manager, especially in this recession. What about other locations? What about another city perhaps?”

“And I’m supposed to just pack up my life and move to another city like that? In case you’ve forgotten, I’m a married man.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, you were a married man,” Lucky retorted. “Most marriages nowadays end in divorce brother, and let’s not forget the fact that your wife didn’t have the common decency to start seeing other men until after the inevitable. Open your eyes Hap; she fucked another man in your own house, in your own bed no less. If that’s not disrespectful, I don’t know what is.”

Happy took down another swig of beer, finally coming around to agreeing with his brother.

“Now what I’m offering is an alternative, just a helpful alternative, especially now at a time when you really need it.”

“I’m listening.”

“There’s this retail store in New Orleans that’s in really bad shape and in need of a Store Manager that can bring it up to standard. A close friend of mine is the Director of Retail Operations for the entire company and he’s in serious need of someone that can turn it around. Right now, it’s the worst location in the company. He asked me if I knew of anyone who could help out and I immediately thought of you.”

“Lucky, are you out of your mind? I can’t just pack up and move to New Orleans. I’ve never even been to New Orleans.”

“So why not go? You don’t have a job here.”

“What about Candy?”

“What about her? Was she thinking about you when she was getting her back broken by Mandingo?”

“You’ve got a point there.”

“All I’m saying is this Hap. The place is in disarray with a staff that could use some serious shaping up. You always say that presentation is 60- 70% of the sale. Well I’m giving you a golden opportunity to not only get back on your feet, but to also get away for a while. Think about it: New Orleans, great food, great music, new scenery...and maybe the time you’re away will make the wife think about what she lost.”

Happy had to give it to his brother; the man knew how to sell. Still, as ridiculous as the idea seemed at first glance, it also seemed intriguing.

“I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that you’re actually trying to help or the fact that I’m actually listening.”

“At the very least consider it Hap, maybe even come with me to New Orleans to check the place out. On top of things, I can guarantee you’ll be making more money than you ever did working in that shithole job you had here. Plus, I can even put you up in my place.”

“Your place?”

“Yeah, I own a two-bedroom condo in New Orleans. The place is beautiful, in the best neighborhood, next to everything. Kitty and I along with a few other friends hang out there from time to time, especially during Mardi Gras.”

“Kitty the porn star?”

“Hey, at least Kitty is honest about fucking other men. She’s up for an AVN award next year you know. That’s the porn industry’s version of the Oscars.”

“Oh dear Lord,” Happy groaned. “Let me guess, best blowjob?”

“Of course not. Double anal.”

For the first time, the two brothers shared a laugh.

“As much as I appreciate the offer Lucky, I’m going to have to pass. As far as finding a job is concerned, I’m pretty sure I’ll find something. Haven’t lost faith yet. I’ll make it bro, you’ll see.”

***

As the weeks went by, Happy tried his best not to lose himself in a pit of depression and self-absorption, often focusing on securing employment. The economic crisis really did hit South Florida the worst. More and more people were losing their homes and jobs, and it was beginning to look as if it would never end. On the marriage front, not much progress was being made. Between Candy working and Happy looking for work, very little communication was being made. What efforts were attempted eventually turned into bitter arguments and even more isolation for him. The quiet distance that had been growing between the two erupted one night and brought forth an overwhelming sadness deep within the man. Much like anyone in a marriage or relationship that went downhill, his mind was often flooded with memories of when times were great. He often wondered what he could have done differently to make them better. In the end, he could do nothing more but curl into a ball either on his couch or the floor in his solitude of sorrow and cry. Candy was spending more time over at Stacy’s place, planning for the inevitable. Happy on the other hand, went out of his way to avoid Marcus. For all he knew, they were probably still seeing each other, and he didn’t need any more reminders staring him right in the face.

“Unfortunately Mr. Downman, we have no positions available at this time...Even with your years of impressive service in retail management, blah, blah, blah...

More weeks went by with little to no traction on the job front, and it began to seem as though the only option Happy had left was to take his brother’s help. There was just one problem: Lucky was a dickhead basket case and he knew it. Even though it seemed like a good opportunity at first glance, he knew there was a wrinkle somewhere. On the bright side of things, fixing stores that were in bad shape was Happy’s specialty. Whenever a store was losing money, send Happy to the rescue. Need help training new staff and management? He was your man. While the idea of just disappearing to a new place and starting over was growing on him even further, still he knew this was a gamble. Happy was definitely in a bad place these days. When you’re stuck between not being able to trust your wife and daring to trust a man who could never be trusted, you know you’re at the bottom of the barrel and looking for a safe way out.

***

“So this retail job,” Chas continued while passing the potatoes. “Are you sure you want to do this Harper? I’ve told you so many times that you should’ve followed me in medicine. Yet the first woman in college who grabs your heart and takes you for a ride, you run off and follow her. How you managed to last in this ‘retail’ business for so long, I have no idea. Now you want to follow Lawrence of all people to New Orleans for something that may not work out. Have you truly thought about this?”

“Give him a break honey,” Pamela added. “This whole situation has been stressful for all of us. I can’t get Candace on the phone; she won’t return any of my calls...and now this. Happy we just want what’s best for you and we’re wondering if you’ve really thought about this.”

“He’ll be fine mom,” Lucky chimed in. “This is a legit business and the reason I suggested Happy is because we all know he’s the best man for the job. They need someone that can go in, clean the place up and make a profit. Now regardless of what you may think about his career choices, we all know Hap can run a business better than most. And now with the divorce going on, he might as well get a change in scenery to help get his mind off things.”

“Can we not go too deeply into this divorce business?” Happy interjected. “Candy and I have not decided on that-“

“Well it at least needs to be considered and considered heavily at this point,” his mother replied. “Harper, you and Candy don’t even communicate anymore outside of arguments and now you’re considering moving to New Orleans of all places. What are we supposed to think?”

“What’s wrong with New Orleans?” a newly sober Kitty chimed in.

Chas took a moment, staring at the woman with that familiar look of disdain, almost forgetting she was at the table.

“What’s wrong with New Orleans, Miss umm...”

“Kitty. Melissa actually.”

“Yes, Melissa. New Orleans is a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah; a diseased, morally and politically corrupt city filled with drugs, crime and all manner of drunken, degenerate debauchery. That’s what’s wrong with it. So you’ll just have to forgive me if I don’t want my son in that type of environment.”

“Yeah right. As if Florida is any better with its plethora of pedophiles, meth addicts and racists,” Lucky replied.

“You’re not making this situation any better. My son is having a major crisis in his life and I just want the best for him. I’d like to see him established in a better position and going somewhere in his life instead of chasing the clock that’s winding down.”

Chas took a moment to study Melissa a bit more carefully. For someone invited to a nice, family dinner, she wasn’t exactly the definition of ‘conservative’ in a very form-fitting skirt and revealing top.

“Umm speaking of which: Melissa, how far did you go in school?”

All eyes turned to Kitty as she fumbled with her drink.

“Well normally I’d never let a guy get to second base in middle school, but in high school I’d usually let him go all the way.”

Chas stared at the poor woman with a thinly veiled look of disgust.

Pamela decided to change the subject.

“The point is Happy, your father and I don’t believe in divorce. We raised you in a nice, Christian home and we want you and Candy to fix this.”

“Not to mention the fact that she’s going to need some serious counseling in order for this marriage to continue. I mean, sleeping around with a Negro of all people,” Chas added.

“Would it have been better if she’d been with a White man?” Lucky asked.

“Don’t distort the issue Lawrence.”

“Well I’m just saying, maybe you two need to accept the very real fact that this is a new day and age.”

“Oh don’t get me started, I’ve pretty much figured that out. And I would imagine you liberal sheep out in California are just loving the fact that this Muslim socialist prick is in office!”

“Chas!” Pamela said.

“No I’ve had it with this crap,” the man fired back. “Your mother and I worked our fingers to the bone every single day, trying to build a decent, Christian home for you two. We tried our hardest to bring you boys up in a nice, respectable America, and this is the thanks we get for it? What is it Lucky? You think you’re better than us, Mr. Big Shot Powerball winner? You ride around with your Hollywood friends and your rock stars and your diseased-ridden, ungodly whores and you think you can waltz back here with your slick city, hippie propaganda?”

Happy nearly buried his head in his hands in disgust. It was a scene he’d witnessed all too often, and he wanted no part of it. At that moment, the door opened and in walked a bright and bubbly figure of an elderly woman carrying a rather large purse. Decked out in a sophisticated yet conservative dress, her face lit up the room as she entered the house. Happy exploded out of his seat, rushing over to greet her with a big hug. Any diversion was a much-welcomed distraction from the fight that was brewing.

“Nana, I was wondering when I was going to see you!”

She gave Happy the biggest squeeze; her face lighting up so much, tears nearly formed in her eyes.

“Oh my dear Lord it’s so good to see you. I heard about what happened and I told Pamela to get you over here as soon as possible. It’s times like these when you need your loving family around for support, praise the Lord. And I’m so sorry about Candy. I really can’t believe she turned out to be such a cunt.”

The words nearly sent a shock through Happy’s chest.

“We waited long enough for you Mama,” Chas said. “Told you dinner was going to be at seven.”

The old lady made her way to the bar to make herself a drink.

“That’s ok Chas. I had dinner over at Lillian’s. I swear to Christ, that woman can’t cook worth a damn. I guess it’s to be expected, all things considered.”

“What happened this time?” Pamela asked. “Did her husband leave her again?”

“No, he came back.”

“Nana, what are you doing out so late anyway?” Happy asked. “You know it’s not safe for you out there.”

Nana grabbed a seat at the table next to Kitty. “Oh it’s perfectly alright, I got a ride with Lillian. Besides, I reckon I don’t have to worry too much when I’m carrying this around.”

The old woman slammed her purse on the table, pulling out a shiny .38 pistol. Happy nearly fell out of his seat from the sight.

“What the hell are you doing with a gun?” Lucky asked.

“What do you think she’s doing with it?” Chas fired back. “She has a legally protected, second amendment right to own a firearm.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Lucky added. “Nana, you are way too old to walk around carrying a weapon. What simple-minded idiot put this idea into your head?”

“I don’t appreciate your tone of voice in my home boy,” Chas replied.

“Happy, who’s your new girlfriend?” Nana remarked. “She’s a cutie.”

“She’s actually my girlfriend Nana,” Lucky said.

“Hi, I’m Melissa. You can call me Kitty,” she said while shaking Nana’s hand.

“My what a pretty little thing you are...and my, what big boobs you have! Did you have them done?”

“Nana!” Happy shouted.

“Well I’m just asking, just making girl talk. You know that’s the big thing nowadays. I wish I could have mine done so I can strut along the beach again like I used to in my younger years. Nowadays, these things look like suspenders just swinging back and-“

“Um mama will you please?” Chas pleaded.

“Oh it’s alright,” Kitty said. “And yes, I had them done about a month ago. The doctor calls them ‘gummy bears’.

Pamela fired a sharp look at Chas.

“Don’t you start with me right now woman. Kitty, what is it exactly that you do for a living?”

“So Hap, I spoke with Christopher who’s the Director of Operations,” Lucky interjected. “He said that he could guarantee at least-“

“Lucky, I believe I was asking your lady friend here a question.”

“Well,” Kitty stammered. “I work in the film industry.”

The answer got Chas even more interested.

“Films you say? Anything we would have seen?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well try us for the sake of it.”

Kitty and Lucky exchanged glances. Happy looked on nervously. “Well, the last project I worked on was a film called Pirates.” “Excellent!” Chas remarked. “I thought Johnny Depp was amazing in that film. What part did you play?”

“It wasn’t exactly that pirate film,” Kitty stammered. “It was an adult

film. Didn’t Lucky tell you? I work in pornographic films.”

“WHAT???”

***

Moments later as the car pulled up to Happy’s house, they could see virtually no life around. Candy must have been out again with God only knows who. Not that it mattered much. Lucky studied his freshly bruised black eye in the mirror.

“No offense Kitty, but Lucky why on Earth did you think it was a good idea to bring a porn star to the house for dinner?”

“Don’t worry about me, what about you? Are you in on this gig in New Orleans or not?”

“Lucky do you realize what you’re asking me?”

“Yeah, I know all too well, and you don’t have too many options here. You don’t have any job prospects, which mean you’re going to have trouble paying the bills. I know Candy does really well at the art gallery, but it’s not like you can actually be comfortable trying to keep the house with a wife who sleeps around. Now as I was saying earlier, Christopher can guarantee you at least 45K a year if you relocate. That’s much more than you were making here, and you’d be working in a market that’s virtually recession- proof. Face it Hap, you need this break and you don’t have too many options left. In fact you don’t have any options. Just think about it.”

He took one long look at the house-his home for so long that the thought of leaving it was almost unbearable in spite of things.

“I’ll think about it, but I can’t make any promises.”

And with that, he said goodbye to his brother and Kitty, taking in a whiff of that familiar air laced with melancholy. Making his way up the steps, he noticed that Marcus’ car wasn’t around. The thoughts of where he could be and what he could be doing sent a surge of anger through him as he entered the house.

Nothing. All was quiet, eerily quiet. Candy was no doubt still at work and the house had the stale odor of loneliness and desperation about it. Happy immediately went to the fridge for a beer while checking the messages. No sooner than he’d hit the button, his father’s voice bellowed from the machine.

“Harper, this is your father. When you get this message, call me right away. I’m sorry about how things turned out at dinner and I just wanted to talk to you about everything. Your mother and I love you very much and we just want to know that you’re going to be ok. Oh and also, don’t ever bring that degenerate fucktard brother of yours over here for dinner again. We love you son...God bless.”

“Well maybe we’ll just ignore that one for now,” he mumbled to himself as raised the bottle to his lips.

Staring back at him was a photo attached to the fridge of himself and Candy during happier times at a costume party. Even now she looked just as beautiful as ever. Still, that beauty had become tainted by a despicable lie, one that he wasn’t sure he could forgive. Maybe Lucky was right. If Happy had been the one who’d cheated, he’d be immediately branded public enemy number one. Yet somehow in his anger, he was the one who felt guilty. At that moment, another message flashed from the machine, one from a voice that he thought he’d never hear...

“Hello Candace...it’s Marcus. I know that this may be highly inappropriate and you said to never call the house, but I can’t get your cell. The past few days have just been...I don’t even know where to begin. I really don’t know what to say except that I can’t stop thinking about you. I know that’s not right and I don’t want to cause any more trouble...I just need to see you and talk to-“

In a flash, he snatched the machine and smashed it into several pieces. In a blind rage, he smashed every picture of the once happy couple that existed, eyes filled with tears of bitter hatred. His marriage had been a complete lie, and this was the proof. Even through their arguments and bitter distance, she was still seeing him. She was still talking to him. She was still fucking him. So much ran through his mind as to what she must have been feeling to do such a thing, yet very little was taken into account on how the whole situation affected him. If she could make a rash decision, so could he. Lucky was right; he did need a change of pace to escape to. With his life in South Florida facing a virtual dead end, drastic times deserved drastic measures. No longer was he going to be the hapless joke. Happy knew deep down he needed to shake things up a bit. Next stop New Orleans…

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART FOUR…