The Second Visit

PART III

Andrea invited me to visit her again, our "do-over." So much had happened in the two years since I saw her in person. A month after I returned from the Oxford visit, I rushed to my mother's bedside to be with her in her final weeks of life. It was an opportunity to share words, space, love, and companionship with her one last time, one I would have missed had I not chosen to cut my trip short because of the pandemic.

I had also met someone who excited me: someone challenging, boundaried, principled, brilliantly talented, and incredibly promising. I wanted to explore this relationship and navigate the tricky waters of polyamory with them. My history of success with monogamous relationships was nonexistent, and polyamorous relationship structures had proven moderately more navigable for me. Nat filled me with the feelings of trust and safety necessary to lean into intimacy. Their understanding of me comforts, and the way they love themself and humanity inspires. I knew quickly she was the person I could and would build a life with. They also knew the possibility of taking this trip was important and supported me endlessly.

Andrea had met someone, too, rather, rekindled an old flame with a gregarious and gentle man whom I liked a great deal. His kindness and openness toward the idea of me visiting was refreshing. We chatted on video calls and got to know each other, sharing jokes and relating to each other's similar interests.

In October 2022, I found a round-trip mid-November ticket for only $500. I bought it. Travel restrictions were still in place, so we applied for an exception through the Norwegian government, saying we were in a relationship. Anxiety gripped me as we waited for the response. Not really because of our lie, mostly because I hadn't bought a flex ticket, so I faced the potential of being out $500. Approval was granted two days before I was set to leave.

I planned to stay for two months with her at her home–a coastal town in the South known for its industrial history. A river runs through it, and it is beautiful. I didn't know these things until I arrived; I thought only about spending time with Andrea in her stomping grounds and maybe seeing the aurora borealis. It was more than I could have hoped for, even if I didn't see the Northern Lights.

I won't share any more details about my home base there because we spent most of our time in Andrea's home with her family. I want to respect their space, but there is plenty to share besides that delicate information!

Arriving in Oslo was easier than I imagined. Immigration left me alone for the most part, despite not having physical proof of my approval to be in the country. They accepted the image on my phone and looked the other way when I slaughtered the pronunciation of the town I would be staying in.

Andrea and her boyfriend, who we'll call K, were waiting for me on arrival, holding a small digital sign with my name on it. It was lovely, I thought.

They took me to get some fast food first. Andrea left the car idling while K ran inside, and we waited. An older woman approached the vehicle and said something sternly in Norwegian. Andrea replied and turned off the ignition.

"She said don't leave the engine running."

"That would never happen in the Midwest," I observed.

"People aren't climate conscious there?"

"Not exactly. Or, well, maybe, but I can't imagine them taking the time to talk to a stranger about it. The weather? Yes. Climate? No. Never."

We discussed the differences between our cultures: the strong socialist values that govern their capitalist economy, encouraging altruism, versus the individualism that dictates our capitalism remains self-serving. I considered how the "progress" of capitalism, no matter the social values or structures, leaves a trail of harm, displacement, and death in its wake. I didn't say this part out loud.

Andrea was finishing her thesis, and I needed to freelance to support myself while there, so the plan was to spend most of the time working at libraries and coffee shops. It would be an effective way to see the city and surrounding areas while keeping us motivated and productive.

However, the first weekend was dedicated to Helsinki, Finland. We were visiting an old friend of Andrea's; it was not a working trip. My experiences exploring the winter festival, warming myself in the saunas, which I learned are standard features of most homes and apartments in Finland, and trying Long Drinks and Unicum for the first time are the most memorable.

Discovering I don't like saunas or Unicum was moderately valuable information. More specifically, knowing that sitting anywhere but the ground in a sauna makes me feel like I'm dying and a shot of Unicum does the same was useful. I've used this knowledge at least thrice since returning to the States. Learning about Long Drinks, though? Life-changing.

Finland's canned cocktail. It's a gin and delightfully refreshing juice mixture. Cranberry, Peach, and Grapefruit are some of the options. Perhaps the only options, I'm not sure. I've since found them in Michigan, though, and they are now a staple in our home and a favorite amongst our friends.

A trip to see Andrea would not be complete without getting a tattoo, so we set to the task upon our return to Norway! I had recently seen an image of some rather remarkable plasterwork on the ceiling of a German abbey, The Holy Grave Chapel, and thought, 'What a great tattoo idea.' "Death Blowing Bubbles" became our fixation when we weren't busy with our obligations.

Our days were nearly as routine as those in the monastery. Andrea usually woke up early and made instant coffee for everyone. She would bring a cup into my room to help wake me while my body adjusted to the time difference. We spent several hours working around the home, then strolling to one of the local libraries a few times a week for a change of pace and scenery. When we drove to Oslo, Tønsberg, or other areas around us, we would stop for a nice cup of joe before finding a library or archive to work in.

I stayed through the winter holidays and New Year. It was wonderful to celebrate Andrea's family traditions and a rare opportunity to hear stories from elders in her family who had never told them to an outsider before. Many traditions seemed familiar, just slightly different from those I grew up knowing: gift exchanges, sharing meals, and ample time relaxing with games and movies. Others were new to me, like "Little Christmas Eve," Gløgg, and all the gnomes. So many gnomes.

In my final days there, we pushed to finish the tattoo and finally do the photoshoot Andrea had asked me and her sibling to help her with.

She had an idea for a painting and needed models to pose nude on the beach at sunset. We answered the call. Did you know that Norwegian Januaries by the Sea are exceptionally cold?

We brought towels to stand on so our feet wouldn't freeze too quickly and took frequent, short breaks to cover our bodies from the wind. The results were immaculate.

I hadn't had top surgery yet, but Andrea photoshopped and then painted a draft of me with a flat chest. For the first time, I saw it in front of me so clearly, the upper body I had dreamed about and woke clawing at the memory of. I thanked her for it.

I was also able to spread some of my mother's ashes throughout the trip, on New Year's Eve, in the river of the town where I stayed and later in the Sea that hugs Finland and Denmark.

Andrea nearly finished the tattoo. It was pretty raw in the last few days, so we didn't get to work on it much, but it looks great even though it is only partially done.

She promised to finish it on her visit to me in the States.

That seemed like a fair deal.

A SNOW MICRO ABOUT MY LAST NIGHT IN NORWAY