Judgement is Allowed

In my early twenties I moved to Las Vegas. I wanted to work in convention and hotel sales and was young, eager and talented. There were thousands of options in Vegas so I knew finding a job wouldn’t be difficult. I applied at several properties but had already fallen in love with an upscale boutique hotel. My first experience with the hotel had been several months prior when the man I was dating took me for drinks and dinner. We pulled into the hotel valet and were immediately surrounded by men in suits, polished shoes and whistles. One opened my door greeting me gently while another opened my partner’s welcoming us to their property. I was whisked from the vehicle to large solid wooden doors that stood nearly 12 feet tall. A doorman nodded with a polite “Good evening” while opening the giant doors and my gaze fell into a lobby of exquisite luxury. The archways, molding, tile, furniture and view were magnificently dripping with beautiful floral arrangements. It was a space of absolute beauty; not an item out of place. I felt like a queen and made my way through the space soaking in its opulence. When it came time to move and begin my job search I longed to work amongst the beauty I had experienced that evening.

The interview went well, and I was sure I made a good impression. I deeply wanted to fit in with the finely dressed employees and their polished shoes. I didn’t hear from them for a week, then another week went by and another. I was offered a position at a different hotel and decided to accept. My dreams of belonging in the folds of opulence were dashed as I succumbed to ordinary. I felt my worth was average and my place in the big city would only be mediocre. I was assigned a young woman to shadow who wasn’t polished with a new pair of heels and matching handbag. Her shoes had scuffs; she wore the same three suits exchanging different blouses beneath and often didn’t realize if one was slightly dirty. She talked about saving money to fix her run-down car that needed repairs but couldn’t afford the mechanic. She’d hope each day the car would last one more week so she could salvage enough from her paychecks to cover the repairs. I felt I had more potential than to follow in her footsteps. I felt defeated by the Universe not seeing me worthy to work in a beautiful upscale property. I went in every day feeling better than the woman who was training me. I judged her for the scuffs on her shoes, the dirty blouse beneath her suit and her run-down vehicle. I told myself I was better; my desires were greater, and I didn’t belong in a mediocre hotel with shabby furnishings. The few weeks I worked with her I didn’t bother to get to know her.

My judgment separated us from truly knowing one another. I made her circumstance less than my desire and therefore placed myself above her. Looking back, I was functioning from fear because I saw her circumstances as a life I did not want for myself. I now realize I used to think judgment was bad. Every time I judged someone I felt wrongness engulf the parts of me that desired to be in right standing. As I grow in my understanding of judgment, I find myself able to judge without wrongness, which is the same as discernment. I can judge strictly to make considered decisions, not to rank myself greater or less than. If I could’ve judged the young woman without wrongness, I believe I would’ve seen a tremendous woman doing what she could to stay out of debt and succeed through her efforts. I would’ve been able to engage with her and possibly made a great friend. Instead I created separation which led me to guilt and shame.

Through the teachings of Emphory, the coaching program in Empowered Abundance Collective, I’ve grown in my understanding of judgment. I now view judgment as sifting for gold; it is a part of life and necessary for discovering my fullness. The feedback I receive from judgment allows me to understand whether I am separating myself from others or desiring a stronger connection. When I use judgment to figure out who I am, my likes and dislikes, I can make considered decisions. To utilize judgment without separation can lead to knowing myself more fully, which leads to greater joy. Judgment isn’t wrong or even bad. Acknowledging where judgment is coming from can lead to a much deeper understanding of me and a deeper connection with those I love.