My Journey Home To Southern Bell

Three and a half days, it's already been jammed pack with new opportunities, and a new chapter of uncharted waters. Huntington a small city that reminds me of Brunswick. The city is as though it's been carved out from the Appalachian Mountains. There are so many members from my childhood in Wayne, WV.

I stayed with my aunt and uncle for three and a half days almost. To start the next chapter of my life. I still can't believe everything that happened to me.

My grandfather was born in Huntington, but lived in Wayne WV until he turned 16 years old. He left never looking back. I didn't like him come to learn my aunt new the kind of person he was because Mommow went through the same thing.

I don't think I will ever understand why she stayed with him. Did she stay because she thought she deserved being unhappy? It wasn't until after almost three years of that blow heart being dead I got the answers I longed for.

"Babe she stayed to protect her children, and protect you.... And ah?"

"God was protecting her."

So many women and men, settle for less becasue they think they deserve less. I think after talking to my aunt the closest person I could get to the old man I got closure. And clarity.

I've always been scared, my grandfather left scars inside of me that affected my heart. The ability to hide my feelings outta fear. The shame of my body of him telling me if you keep eating like that no man will ever want you! Pushing me against the wall when I wouldn't move to the side like he wanted me to. And it wasn't a gentle push.

Sometimes, it's hard to put one foot in front of the other when those scars have never healed. But I had it, I survived the crulty.

It's heard when those emotional scars take on a life of there own. All I ever wanted was the precious feeling of knowing my birth mother was proud of me. She may have said it but, her actions when she blocked me today didn't show it.

I cried about it, I wanted that hey sweetie, I'm proud of you. You made it, your succeeding where I didn't. Instead, her green monster of envy came out. And tone changed.

I hate to say it, but I think she wanted me to fail in the biggest journey of my life. But I didn't fail.

Sometimes, it's just never easy. She didn't think I highly of me. And it wasn't easy.

Although, my husband, uncle and aunt, and cousins are extremely proud. I just wish she was proud too. I don't understand those who are envious.