Going Forward
Be patient with me, I'm a work in progress
Alright, Vocal, you wanted us to rack our brains and reflect on what we need to improve upon? Well, it worked. Too well, if I may add.
There are a lot of things I want to change going forward. Things I noticed about myself last year that need correcting. Whether I'm ready to make these big changes or not no longer matters. It's time to rip off my band aid and acknowledge that I might have some ugly scars.
I'll start with my worst qualities.
For a while, I've known I needed to reduce my perfectionism. I spend way too long on a story for a challenge that I'll likely never win, and it crushes my self-esteem every time. Not because it didn't place. I didn't join Vocal to compete against other writers for a couple hundred bucks. I joined to improve my writing, which is why I've been stuck in this mindset that everything needs to be perfect.
Took a while, but I finally realized that it doesn't.
I've seen some raw, flawed, yet memorable stories get nearly a hundred comments and Top Story on this platform. Hang on. I'm not bashing anyone's quality of writing. Quite the opposite. I'm praising those writers who can produce content that's not perfect but still hits home with readers. They've helped me recognize I don't need to put in this back-breaking effort only to end up disappointed with the lack of results. It's a realistic mindset, and it's unrealistic (and quite frankly, unhealthy) to expect a flawless story from myself every time I write one.
There's a term for people who repeat an action over and over, expecting a different ending, only to wind up with the same outcome each time.
It's called insanity.
The likes and comments on my stories average out to less than twenty. You can imagine my frustration when I tell you I feel insane that barely anything's changed for me in the two years I've been on Vocal.
If you don't believe me, here's the proof.
*Breathes in anxiety*
This is embarrassing for me to reveal, but I promised to look at my ugly scars. I barely passed the 1,000 reading mark last month. While some might want to congratulate me on this milestone, don't. It's not a victory. It's a tragedy.
This isn't my way of gaining sympathy. Keep it. I'd be insulted if someone were to pity me for failing to get reads. That's not why I showed you my stats. I'm doing this to break this mindset I've been stuck in, thinking I need to be perfect to be successful. Evidently, it's not the case, and I need to lower my expectations of myself.
If you know me, you know how hard this was for me to open up. I don't do personal. Showing you this is like prying off the iron armor around my chest, letting everyone see that I have weaknesses and insecurities, too. Call it pride, whatever. To me, it's a vulnerability I want to protect, but I'm giving everyone a glimpse of my shortcomings.
I put out 90 stories last year, putting me at 125 in total. Now I'm not going to do the math, but those numbers aren't impressive. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong. Could be I didn't find the right audience, or my style's not appealing, or didn't put out enough content. To redress that, I'm going to limit the time I spend writing up a story, shorten my word counts, and explore different genres. Maybe it'll change things? I won't know until I try.
Now, I'm aware that this might not be my only issue. The problem is also coming from within the house.
My interactions with other writers are subpar. Insufficient! I used to be more involved, once upon a time, but life happened and I fell off the radar for a few months. When I came back to Vocal, I turned into a recluse, interacting with only those I knew, or that made Top Story. I stayed within this barrier I constructed, sheltering myself, and I don't know why.
Okay, that's a lie. I do know why. But the iron armor is firmly back around my chest for this one, as it rolls into my personal life.
Anyway, my resolution this year outside Vocal is to slowly edge back over that boundary line I created. I'm adding this effort into the list of Vocal's resolutions as well. I'm going to branch out more, make new friends, and learn from other writers on this platform. After all, that was one of the reasons I joined Vocal to begin with.
And that's it for me, straight to the point, hitting the word count with a bare minimum, giving little effort, and not refining it- as promised. Look at me improving already!
About the Creator
Brin J.
I have a few stories and poems inside me that I want to share. Maybe, if I'm lucky, they'll reach people who'll enjoy them. 📖
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Comments (33)
Congrats on TS! Well done & well written. I can relate to the perfectionist within. I find my own inner critic is trying to help (but is not) & so I cajole & vanish her with kindness & gratitude. Thanks for sharing this part of your self with us!
Haha, I had some similar thoughts and subsequent self-reflections about the challenge, as well as perfectionism. I, for one, appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this!
Brin I love the narrative you gave yourself with this!! The unveiling of the woman behind the curtain was eye opening and soooo relatable!! I loved this and I hope you do learn to be kinder to yourself this year and let some things slide!! I can totally relate to this and I appreciate your brutal honesty with yourself and us!! 💚
Keep going! You are doing wonderfully, trust me your numbers are better then mine. Just keep having fun with your writing. Congrats on Top Story!
Brin, you have always been one of my favorites on the platform :) Not only for your writing skills but for you thoughtful commenting and honesty. Your profile has been linked on mine for many months because I believe in you. I did notice when you backed off for a bit and was saddened to see you go, but I think we all cycle at some point. I know I have been off more than on the last few months. I continue to appreciate your skill and your kindness, not always a common set. Whatever goals you set for yourself, I've no doubt you'll fulfill them :) Thank you for sharing yourself.
Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable piece! I'm sure it wasn't easy, but your words were convicting and encouraging!
This was incredibly insightful and I appreciate your transparency. Thank you for writing this story :)
So Amazing! contrasts
good article, of course it takes time to get everything right
Excellent effort! Keep up the superb work—congrats!s
Congrats on Top Story. Relate to a lot of this and this is a fine entry or that odd little challenge they've set us. I know how hard you find it being personal but whenever you do...you do it so well. Well done, Brin!
I struggle with my perfectionism as well so I totally understand what you mean. I write my stories in less than a day and then I go back to it to proofread and edit it every day for a week. Then before publishing I'll proofread and edit a few times as well. And even after it's published, I'll still not be happy with it. So yea, it's a real struggle and I'm so happy you're ready to let go of it and be free! Perfectionism is a prison! Fly away little birdie! I'm so proud of you! Whatttttt? Like what the actual hell do you mean by "those numbers aren't impressive"?! You wrote 90 pieces and that's a hugeeeee achievement! It may not be as many as you would like or targeted for but it's still an achievement! Same goes for your 1000 reads! Even the tiniest step is progress and all progress is good progress. So, congratulations! You better take it, else I'll stuff it up your nose! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 As for reading on Vocal, always remember that you're not obligation to read someone's work. You don't owe anyone anything. Yes, reciprocity goes a long way and in turn helps you build an audience for your work. But at what cost? So only read what you want to and write what you want to. You have to put your well being first. But I'm happy that you wanna cross over that boundary that you've created. Please know that we'll always be here for you, cheering you on! 🥰🥰🥰
I was about to congratulate you and then I kept reading down Lol! I love the honesty in this. Congrats!
There is a saying; one man's trash is another man's treasure. Your idea of good will be different to someone else's. This means, perfection is an impossible goal. You have to like what you create and when you do, others will also. I don't always understand where I get what I write and it is probably not good technically, but I love everything I have written.
Be honest with yourself and you cannot lose. Thank you for sharing this!
Do not lower your expectations. It is a goal to score, but change the timing. Follow the path towards it, make changes, improve skills but keep the goal in mind. Setbacks are meant to adjust the course, to return to the right path and as I understood you, the direction is still right, but you stopped. Restart the engine and move on and set small goals along the path. In short: changes are good but never lower your expectations.
This is a personal reflection piece, so you are well within rights to ignore what might be unwanted advice, but I'm not sure the lesson is to put less effort in because that's what's being "rewarded" on here. If you feel you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, that's one thing. Perfection is a moving target, because how do you even define perfection to begin with? But if the primary motivation is less effort = more engagement, then I think the larger lesson is that you shouldn't define the value of your stories solely on external factors. Didn't win the challenge? A human was judging, and for whatever reason one story spoke more to them than another. Another judge might have cast that one aside and picked yours. Nothing inherently right or wrong about that. That's just how it is. Didn't get a massive reaction to your latest story? Who knows why someone reads one story and not another. Maybe they never saw it in this massive content stream that is Vocal. Maybe they missed the new story notification. Maybe they prefer poetry to fiction. Maybe the title didn't catch their eye. Maybe they meant to read it but it got lost in the hustle and bustle of their life and they forgot. It's neither a condemnation of your story or that person. That's just how it is. My point is I wouldn't treat this all as a science. There aren't many objective measures when it comes to "quality writing" (excepting grammar and challenge requirements when applicable). Instead, I'd remind yourself that you *liked* the idea enough to write the story in the first place. There's an intrinsic value there that no one can take from you, comments and ❤️s be damned
Definitely resonate with this! I definitely find myself chasing perfection, which is impossible. Good luck with your goals this year! Great writing 😊
Wonderful. Love your honesty in this. And you now have a new subscriber. Congrats on the TS.
Hard to be honest with ourselves. This is a great goal all the best to you. Congratulations
Very authentically written, Brin. I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines 👏👏
It's the vulnerability that does it, every time. Authenticity, too. Bleed a little of you into it to bring it to life ❤
Impressive, from the initial introspection to the final resolution. As a working editor, I can relate to the tendency to want to write perfectly. Interestingly enough, I've gone completely off the rails in that respect here on Vocal. I don't agonize over a story here, I write it and publish it. On the subject of interaction, I regularly do that within a small circle here, but I have to agree with Thavien: It's not going to be the major factor in generating reads. Don't feel as if you have to reciprocate. (That doesn't mean you cant, and making friends here will certainly improve your outlook.) Create, create, create and promote yourself. Share your stories on social media. Join a few of the Vocal social media groups. Write. The readers will find you.
Love the honesty. You are a great writer. Cheering you on here!
Congrats on Top Story! "*Breathes in anxiety*" Yes, I agree with you there.