The secret journey to regaining emotional stability

Do you feel that the anxious and avoidant types both seem to be strong and independent, but in fact they are sensitive and fragile. They often fall into emotions because of small things and start to be anxious and avoidant? If anxious and avoidant types want to change these, what they actually need is to compensate for their missing parts and heal their injured parts. In this issue, we will teach the avoidant and anxious types how to cultivate themselves again, making their emotions more stable, more rational in relationships, and at the same time gaining the ability to actively output emotional value. If anxious and avoidant types want to overcome the sensitive and fragile parts of themselves and obtain stable emotions, they need not only cognitive adjustments, but also need to heal the traumatized parts of themselves and compensate for the regretful parts of themselves. For example, the regret of the avoidant type is that they have not been paid serious attention to and have never truly rebelled. Therefore, the avoidant type will not fight for their own needs in many situations, resulting in uncomfortable situations and relationships, and they are always running away and wandering. The trauma of the anxious type is that they are trapped in unstable relationships and have been hurt by the instability in intimate relationships. The slightest fluctuation will make the anxious type feel nervous and anxious. Therefore, anxious and avoidant types are inherently fragile, sensitive, and unstable. In summary, these reasons are that something is missing during the growth stage, or they have suffered some trauma, so if you want to solve these problems, this is the time. Compensate when you need to compensate, heal when you need to heal, exercise when you need to exercise, just treat yourself as a child and raise yourself again. If the avoidant and anxious types re-train themselves, what kind of growth can they gain? First of all, emotions will become more and more stable. For example, you can be aware of your emotions at the first time, avoid emotions from affecting your thoughts and judgments, and learn to regulate your emotions. Secondly, you can truly understand yourself and know your real needs and fears. In the process of re-nurturing yourself, you can clearly understand your needs and fears, that is, you can know why you are attracted to a certain person, why you behave like this, and then you can better understand what you need.

How to choose the best one and what to avoid? The last thing is the ability to obtain the emotional value of the output. In the final stage of self-nurturing, I will extend from focusing on myself to focusing on the relationship between me and the people around me, that is, learning how to influence other people's emotions, how to appease other people's emotions, how to make others happy, excited, and superior, etc. wait. The growth of anxious and avoidant types actually consists of two parts, compensation and healing. Although in this process, we will also touch on many aspects, such as understanding our own emotions, understanding our own needs, and understanding our own fears, but everything actually revolves around two points, compensation and healing. compensation part. It is at a certain stage in the past that we should have had and experienced it, but due to some reasons it was missing. For example, the anxious type has not completed the part of getting out of dependence on others, and has not obtained stable attachment in adulthood. Another example is that the avoidant type has not obtained the care and preference in the family of origin, and has not gained the part of close relationships. The part that feels comfortable outside must be found and experienced again. The healing part is the shadow left by the hurt you suffered at a certain stage in the past. For example, the anxious type faces unstable relationships, moody parents and partners, and the avoidant type faces the suppression, belittling, and attacks that rely solely on compensation. Trauma cannot be healed, and healing alone cannot give a person what they have not experienced or received. Therefore, compensation and healing will occur throughout avoidant and anxious growth. The part that the avoidant and anxious types lack together is the part of exploring outwards in the castle. This part should be a compensation part, but it is also special because this process is not internal, but external, and involves a part of Acquisition of abilities. For example, if a high degree of security and some alienation types have stable emotions, then whether they need close relationships or not, they can at least complete the exploration of unstable factors. Because they have a stable family to rely on, they have completed a large part of their external exploration before they reach adulthood, and continue to understand different people and different things after they reach adulthood. When getting along with someone who is different from themselves, both the secure and distant types can allow the other person to do what they want to do to a certain extent, and then observe and understand the other person. But the anxious and fearful types, as well as the other part of the alienated type, do not have a stable family to support them, and their own emotions are not stable enough. So the focus is also internal, that is, we are always seeking approval without understanding the differences.

Therefore, anxious and avoidant types need to take the initiative to understand the differences between people in adulthood, that is, to protect themselves, to soothe their emotions in the process of exploration, and then to actively understand those behaviors that are different from themselves. so. Only in this way can you pull yourself out of your limited cognition. How to get along with different people, how to influence others, and how to export emotional value are the last steps in the growth of avoidance and anxiety. After completing outward exploration and understanding the differences between people, the avoidant and anxious types can improve their ability to output emotional value and influence others through imitation and training. One of the more controversial points in this part is that maybe the ability is correct, but after maybe this part of the ability, kind people will use the ability to influence others to comfort other people's emotions, and selfish people may use this ability to manipulate Others, achieve their own goals. Therefore, in the following chapters, I may only talk about the techniques and training methods for exporting emotional value, but will not fully explain the other half, which is the part of exporting negative emotions and influencing the other party's behavior. Finally, a collection of personal growth series for anxious and avoidant types. Raise yourself again and you will be there. It will continue to be updated in 2024, please pay attention.