Debilitating Depression and Severe Health Problems

Some people just do not get it. Some people never will get it. Then you have those who live with it daily and who totally understand it. What is it? The it that I am talking about is chronic illness and depression.

For most of my life, I've struggled with depression, usually keeping it at bay. Even when I couldn't keep from suffering the effects of it, I could generally keep from dwelling in depression for long periods of time, so I was never in a funk for long.

Then in 2017, I suffered from the effects of Congestive Heart Failure and ended up in the hospital by the early part of December. We soon learned that heart problems do not run on either side of my family. That I was exposed to several possibile causes. What I truly learned? I did not care what caused it, but how could we help me from getting worse. By April 2018, my heart was at twenty-three percent and I was sent to a specialist to have a Pacemaker/Defibilator put in.

Honestly, the last five years have gone by in a blur. There has been a lot of tears, a lot of pain and a lot of confusion. Somethings can be lived with but somethings need to just be forgotten. It seems the last few years I've chosen to forget most of what went on.

I can tell you that my Psoriatic and Osteoarthritis both have gotten worse. I now have degenerative disc disease. My heart has not improved much, if at all. My oldest daughter graduated high school and cosmotology school. My youngest is now an eleventh grader. My husband and I almost divorced, both refusing to compromise. We acquired five dogs, four cats and seven chickens (this I do not really know how it happened...). I've been hospitalized two more times. My GERD has gotten so bad, swallowing can be a chore some days.

The outer world kept on going too, not just my inner world. Presidents came and went. Elections were held. School years went by. Teachers retired from my daughters' school. Stores closed; stores expanded. Friends passed away. People went to prison. Covid happened, or did not happened depending on who you talk to. Quarantine and mask did happen, no matter who you talk to.

Seriously, though, what did a person not have to be depressed over the last few years without having to add all the health problems I have been suffering from. The whole world has been a madhouse of insanity. Threats of war. The spread of diseases as if we were in the Medievel era. The lack of human compassion and the greed rampaging the world today.

I wish I could say I was smart and got help sooner, rather than later. I wish I could, but I did not. It was not until the beginning of 2023 that I finally acknoledged I had a problem and I was not getting over my depression. By this time, I was completely debilitated between my chronic illness and my depression.

Depression lowers your immunity. It makes pain sharper, which in turn makes doing chores unbearable. Your mental focus is reduced. Sleep evades you, but you are tired all the time. Your get up and go has got up and gone. Nothing you enjoy anymore brings you the joy it once did.

By the time I was to this point, my pain was unbearable, my heart wasn't improving, and my depression was to the point that if I didn't have my children, I would have already committed suicided. Not that I believe suicide was the answer, but because I could not stand the pain and darkness anymore. I knew I had to do something and before I could lose all my hope.

So I talked to my health care practictioner, and she prescribed me some medications to assist me in alleviating my mood. Lord knows it is not the "cure" I wanted. Although, it is the "cure" I need. I was driving myself deeper into my depression by not getting the assistance I truly needed.

I strongly encourage anyone suffering from any symptom of depression to talk to the health care practictioner, and get the help they need to truly beat depression. Do not wait as long as I did, either. I waited almost too long. There is no shame in either being depressed or in asking for help.