Addicts Hurt Themselves and Others

Story 1

I’ve recently begun marriage counseling... alone for now. My therapist suggested I research and gain some insight from Al-anon as some of our marital concerns stem from alcohol abuse but after reading through many of your posts I am not sure I am in the right place or if Al-anon is the right fit for my situation. For those of you with experience would you consider someone who may not drink regularly (daily) but when they do drink they tend to binge drink an issue? The binge drinking tends to get excessive, often leads to driving when he probably shouldn’t, he’s verbally abusive if you suggest he’s had enough to drink or if you’ll drive instead of him, he’s defensive and just plain mean. The more he drinks the more he needs to drink over the years. The last few times this has happened he’s blacked out. He’s ruined my kids birthdays , vacations, anniversaries, etc. I’m typically his target so I’ve just learned to move out of his way. I’m grateful after hearing many other stories this typically only occurs monthly and not daily. After 30 years it’s old, tired and heartbreaking. I thought he’d outgrow the binge drinking, I always thought it was young immature behavior as I always thought of alcohol abuse as being someone who drank daily or something totally different than what was going on here. I now realize there are different types of addiction and ways they affect peoples lives. All that I know is that looking back on our memories and a life I had hoped to be a happy one I have vivid regular memories of a lot of drunken horrible tear filled ends to what should have been beautiful days and now my children are grown. A lot of time lost I won’t get back. I’m hurt and I’m angry.

I’m just working on putting all of that behind me now and finding my way to forgiveness for myself for allowing it for my children and myself and praying he finds a way to make a better future for himself. I’ve just been looking to these posts for any insight on how anyone finds the courage to be ok with letting go of their anger enough to forgive? I know anger is the weak answer but it feels like it’s going to protect me a little better than Nice Nancy.

Story 2

I started dating my boyfriend in 2017 and he was addicted to alcohol. I confronted him about his addiction and he stopped drinking and acknowledged he had a problem and his close friends and family said they knew about the problem but didn’t know how to say anything.

Now, he is addicted to weed.

He says that he smokes because he wants to drink and he is smoking about an ounce a week spending about $120 a week and we are on disability support we cannot afford this.

He acknowledges that he has a problem but says he doesn’t want to stop until he is able to find more mental health support.

I have noticed he has gotten much more angry over the past few months, he flys off the handle quickly and he will be upset for the entire day, even the day after sometimes.

💧Current problem:

The other day, we were fighting all day, I gave him his space and grabbed his crackers from his gaming room to bring upstairs to put a chip clip on them so they stay fresh. Once he noticed I grabbed the crackers he started yelling at me saying I was “stealing his food” I told him that I was putting a chip clip on the bag and that’s why I grabbed it and there was absolutely no reasoning with him.

He then got so upset that he grabbed one of my eggs, held it right infront of my face while yelling at me, and then dropped the egg on the floor.

I came from a very low income family, so wasting food that is paid for and can be eaten doesn’t sit well with me..

I asked him to leave the apartment and he came back with the “ I’m on the lease I don’t have to leave”

So I called his mom, asked her to come and pick him up because I didn’t want him in the apartment and he just chain smoked 4 bowls

As I’m on the phone with his mom he grabs the hot pan I have on the stove and PUTS HIS HAND DIRECTLY ON THE PAN to try to burn himself

I started screaming telling him to stop, hung up with his mom and called 911

I left the apartment with the help of my neighbour as I am agoraphobic, the police took 2 hours so show up and by that time my boyfriend was at his moms house.

🌱Thought process :

I have dealt with things like this with him in the past and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.. I thought I did the right thing by calling 911 and all of my actions but his mom keeps telling me that I did a bad thing by calling 911 and she keeps getting very upset with me.

I watched a video yesterday of someone saying that they had a child and the child broke a plate out of anger and instead of a parent screaming at the child they just looked at the child and said “I love you anyway “

Ever since seeing this video and ever since talking to his mom I really don’t know what is best for me or what I should have done or what I should be doing

So my questions are:

What would you do in the situation

What could I have done better

Should I kick him out for these actions

How do you know when it’s the right time to end it vs trying to stay and support

Thank you for taking the time to read, sorry I’m just very lost right now.