The Monthly Madness

Day 68/366 of writing in 2024. Happy International Women’s Day. I wrote a more uplifting piece a few days ago that you can read here. This is what I’m feeling today so I’m going with it. Some days it’s hard to be a woman.

Why the hell do I have to bleed every month, please enlighten me?

Oh, what a delightful time of the month, can't you see?

The cramps that make me want to rip out my uterus,

And the bloating that makes me look like a pregnant hippopotamus!

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, I'm dying to know.

A crimson flood ruining my clothes, what a show.

Oh, the stains on my favorite outfits and sheets,

It's like a Picasso painting, except it’s like total defeat!

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, tell me again.

Hormones going haywire, it's a real fun train.

One minute I'm happy, the next I'm a sobbing mess,

Emotional turmoil, thanks for the PMS!

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, I beg of you.

Cravings hitting me like a freight train, it's true.

Chocolate and bread become my best friends,

Eating my weight in junk food, where's it all gonna end?

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, make it stop.

Hauling tampons and ibuprofen around like a damn gift shop.

Always ready for the surprise leak, what a thrill,

It's like a twisted game of menstrual skill!

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, tell me once more.

But hey, let's laugh at the absurdity, what a bore.

It's a reminder of my womanly strength, so grand,

Dealing with this monthly crap, like a badass in command.

Why the hell do I have to have a period? Please, I need to know.

Oh, the wonders of womanhood, what a show.

Embracing the mess and the madness with a smirk,

For this monthly nightmare, I'm ready to go berserk!

And to top it off here comes perimenopause, the jerk.