The Echoes

At last the stillness and peace of God's places calms, relaxes me.

Being alone, I almost forgot the calmness of being free.

"Can I stay here forever in peace?" I ask my Jehovah.

"Do I have to go back where we escaped, the hot supernova?"

Everything feels distorted as those invisible voices converse

Forgetting would be a blessing, right? Or perhaps it'd be a curse?

Going forward into the unknown I can't help but still wonder,

Have I done my best job being there or did I simply plunder?

I ask my counselor to be honest with me... what does she say?

Just hope, pray, breathe, doing your best, do whatever needs done each day,

Keep getting up, moving forward, digging yourself out of the hole,

Let go of all the things, big and little, outside of your control.

My voices agree, seeming smarter than I feel, with intense passion

Now I just have to attempt to give myself love and compassion.

Over yonder is the battle field I left... the place I escaped.

Please don't make me go back there, where my emotions are videotaped,

Questions I have become scrambled in my mind, as he twists and turns.

Reasons he gave for it to be my fault, as my safety net burns.

Stupid girl, you shouldn't have stayed so long... depression whispers.

"Try to remember not to go back to him." say all my sisters.

Unless he changes, right? Because everyone can change, be set free

Virtually no one stays the same forever, and he loves me...

Without him is an unknown, scary future; leaving me with dread.

X-rays prove he never really hurt me, it's all in my head.

You must act completely appalled to find out what I felt and thought...

Zero accountability, simply distraught at being caught.