My Insidious Companion

There are days when her silence feels deafening and days when she won’t shut up. She’s the shadow self, the one who thrives on my own self-doubt. Her words, insidious and insistent, always trying to pull me under.

But today, I won’t let her. Today, I choose to fight.

Who are you? You’re me, but… different.

She smirks: We’ve shared every scar, every doubt. You know me. I’m the voice that whispers “give up” when things get tough. Remember? It kept you safe.

Safe? Or stuck? I’m tired of feeling like a failure! People care about me, I know it.

Lies! It’s easier alone. Trust me, nobody wants the real you.

Shut up! Back then, I had no choice. But not anymore! Facing pain is scary, but I won’t hide anymore.

Her voice dripping with mock pity: Too late now. You always give up. That’s who you are.

No! I choose different. It’s time to believe in myself, like others do in me. We can find happiness, together, but not like this.

Surprise flickering in her eyes: You… really believe that?

Yes, I do. I believe that we can do that.

It’s an inner conflict that resides within countless hearts, wearing a thousand faces bearing a million stories and hidden behind closed doors.

©Emika Oka

Thank you for reading 🖤

Previously published on From The Corner of My Mind

Your support holds immense significance for a disabled neurodivergent. If you’d like to show your support, you can consider buying me a coffee here. Your kindness is greatly appreciated.