Mother, Therapist
Partner, Daughter, Friend, No one
As I became a woman I was streetwise at six
Men drugged me I knew where to hide
And raped me I knew when not to fight
And told me I was good I held my head up as I bled
I hid my brother under the bed If I was drinking
I heard my mother screaming More than a child should
I couldn’t keep her safe It was because I needed help
But I kept him safe They kicked me out
I know he wants to hurt me I know I should not be here
So I never leave, not alone I am alone, I am unwanted
I hear him through the walls I see nothing ahead
No one listens hard enough Except for signs of my abomination
I am no one, paid to be, trained to be
No one. And someone who counts.
These are not my stories.
Let me hold them for you.
Listen. I will emphasise the pieces you missed.
And, bowed, I will miss the pieces of these
Which are not my stories
But make mine whole
And carve out how I open from being
To being someone.
Just let me hold your hair At work today something happened
In my fisted fingers And I feel angry as a result
Let me feel your heartbeat Or small. Proud. Uncertain.
Against myself Let me open my heart.
Do you know anybody who can help? I tell you my obsession
(Can you help me?) Because I love you
I hurt so much Witness me.
(You can make it right.) I need to know you won't look away
My daughter, the doctor, wants I have made a world for you
Too much from me Out of grass clippings
She is a mother herself now Out of dolls
I need her to need me less Out of words.
Comments (3)
Ah! Safe hands you thought. But no! This one made a lot of sense to me writing it but WAY less reading it all this time later. It reminds me of viewing a piece of modern art where you go "Well, I get what they were trying to say, or the gist, but was this necessary? Why are there crisp packets and tampons stuck on?"
Wow. This has a lot to unpack...Was looking for something...maybe less involved and intense...but this is sterling work, Hannah. Like LC...those split sentences really make it powerful!
The split sentences are so clever and powerful ❤