Happiness Can Hurt

What no one told me

when I started healing

is that happiness

can hurt

and a bitter heart is

terribly familiar.

When a friend

says they're proud,

tears sting and well

because it's never been

our turn for this,

has it?

And I don't want

to seem dramatic

or thankless,

but a love like this

is so foreign

that I'm dumbfounded

in its presence.

*

What no one told me

when I started healing

is that happiness

grows from corpses

of difficult lessons

and disrespected

boundaries,

that we aren't always

what we eat,

that, like vultures,

we can consume fading

stories and turn

them into tomorrow.

If you can learn

to endure this cycle

of rebirth,

you might actually

believe this story

is yours.

*

What no one told me

when I started healing

is that happiness

is fought for

every hour

we don't settle

for discomfort,

an open heart

comes from knowing

what makes you stronger,

and when it's your turn,

wholesome love may come

unexpectedly.

New beginnings

can be dreadful

but, almost always,

easier than completely

letting go of who we

want to be.