The World Is Waiting For Me Patiently

Exposed.

Have you ever felt naked when you have started talking? I have.

Have you ever felt like what you have to say isn't really worth saying? Me too.

Shyness is pretty debilitating. Was it because I was the youngest of 5 children and I grew up feeling like what I said didn't matter? Maybe.

Perhaps I developed a complex where it manifested into having 4 elder siblings to do the talking for me -I kept quiet as it meant I didn't have to think for myself.

Why was sharing my thoughts so frightening?

Was it because it meant that people would see me?

Stripped bare.

As much as I disliked attention I found the odd kindred spirit where I could just say whatever I wanted and the people would still love me.

As time went on, I learnt to develop a sense for "a little thing called judgement". I would say what was really on my mind but the idea would get lost through hard feelings and argument. It was too tiring sometimes to bring up the idea I was conflicted with while also being aware that the other person was not ready to discuss my idea -so I just didn't say anything.

Watched.

Have you ever felt like you are being watched? I do.

I also do the watching.

Watching people very closely is pretty interesting. Watching people's reactions to certain things is in itself a mini anthropology study. If you take a sample of people and watch the way they react to certain things, it is pretty eye opening stuff.

There are some people out there that don't handle good news very well when it involves anyone but them. Watch out for these people. They don't mean to be a jerk but they darn right act like jerks.

Being listened to.

I combated shyness as I became a better listener. Instead of freaking out with worrying what to say and sounding like a normal person who could have a lengthy conversation, I instead, preferred to listen than to talk. This saved me a lot of anxiety.

When people were talking, I would listen. I would ask questions if I was intrigued. Otherwise I remained quiet and accepted the fact that this topic of conversation was just very boring.

Engaged.

Over time my listening skills became quite an important key part in developing a broader perspective.

I learnt that no one person has it all figured out and that no one is actually more worthy of speaking than another.

We all have something to say.

I'm worthy.

As I dismantled my shyness over time; I learnt that my shyness gave me a great feeling of insecurity. I didn't think my words were worthy of saying. However, the more I held on to those emotions, the more I became disconnected from people.

Being engaged with people is in itself a masterful craft. Being engaged without being judgmental and sharing as much as you are given by someone else is the beginning to developing a healthy relationship.

To become engaged with someone by using your authentic voice, is the key to understanding your worth.

The more I engage, listen and share, I receive feedback from the people I engage with.

I have received some negativity when I have been working with people for instance and it interests me to know why they have these attitudes with me. I wouldn't ask them directly as I think it will throw them off a bit and I'm not sure if I entirely trust these particular people.

Usually, I will be sitting without saying anything and I get a comment which I don't really think is fair. I wasn't doing anything or saying anything.

Although it is difficult navigating other people's minds at times, if the feeling of worthiness is present, it is almost always guaranteed that the way you will engage with them is the correct manner for that moment.