Answers that have lost their meaning

In our state of stress when something altering happens, we turn to others for answers for comfort, not everyone can say the exact thing that happens in a twist of events. I've included certain scenarios that some people can relate to. Some of them are my own experiences to pertain to this exact range of situations.

I'm not saying this in a negative perspective, but from my experiences from the answers I've received that don't help me out or give me a sense of comfort from a friend or family member. Sometimes it's made it harder to want to be around someone that won't listen and only gives shallow answers. I wanted to make this if anyone else was feeling this way about the struggling with various replies from our peers that just don't come off as helping and it has the opposite effect.

"I just can't find someone."

"That's the way life is."

Life doesn't always turn out the way we expect, its true, everyone knows it. But it does sting when someone has to tell us something we've already known. Most sensible people have that pre-cope in that moment, it's known and anticipated. Even if there is nothing wrong, but for someone to say that. I feel that it has no comfort and it's generic to say. The saying can go either way if it was for the good or the bad. But I feel it turns a good thing into something bad. Because it was already met with negative aspects, not approached with a neutral aspect or faith in the other person.

"I want to do that idea, but I don't feel comfortable doing this, not quite yet."

"Oh come on, you can do anything when you put your mind to it."

Or

"Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it"

It's a positive statement, but if someone says it without hearing the concern over it, at that point it's pushing something onto someone that may not want to even go through something that interested them. If there is someone who wants to support, the support should be calm and understanding to the other person's decision. Not push them towards it and say, "Ok go get them tiger". If the other individual that is using this positive affirmation may not think it is coming off pushy may or may not know what is going on personally, that is understandable since no one can read minds. But even so, there needs to be neutral and equal to ask questions, to see exactly why they are on the fence about it. Sometimes the case is that positive affirmation doesn't always work on it, so saying something that they won't believe is not going to work, it just makes the other person feel small. Then it saves the stress on the other knowing there was an understanding instead of pushing. It does sound positive, but if someone is still trying to get confidence, then maybe it's not time yet. Like me, it takes a while for me to approach a certain idea. I have to access it, prepare for it. Some people can't just jump in the fray. I like to be able to look back and say I did something unique, but that I approached it calmly because that is the person I am. If you are like me in that sense, and you have the same ideals, and someone has told you this without seeing your side. Then you shouldn't be seeing them at all if they refuse to see your side of the stress spectrum. Risks are apart of life, and it is nice to have people in your corner, but still your people should know where your comfort is at and now exactly what your anxiety and stress is over pursuing something out of comfort range.

"You look beautiful today, I bet all the boys/girls are lined up at your door"

"No, I just did it for myself."

"Oh I don't believe that."

"No, I just-"

"Stop saying that."

Everyone is different in attraction, all of them are not lined up at my door. I'll use myself as an example. I have some attractive parts to myself, but I am no object of desire to everyone. It doesn't work that way. It's a nice compliment but when I try to explain to someone that it isn't the case for me. I'm cut off from my own answer not as a negative retort, but to reason that the times have changed. Society with the idea of attractions has changed, saying something that is positive but has no comfort in the answer that will not pertain. It doesn't help in the long run. In my case, I have a difficult time with my self-esteem, so when someone tries to tell me something that I am beautiful, I find it hard to believe. It's just the way I am in how I view myself. When someone has told me to stop saying that, it doesn't make me un-think what I thought of myself. It is a nice gesture that someone sees something I don't, but I just can't stand it when someone is forcing a compliment and stopping the answer I try to say, as if I was trying to be negative. I was only offering an explanation. If someone can't or won't let you explain your stance on how you feel about yourself or relationships, then don't let them waste your time or sanity to be driven to more anxiety.

By no means, am I saying that these examples mean that all people are terrible, heavens no. But it needs to be even on both sides, I've felt the better route for either side is for the latter of the person who said these answers to not say anything but instead ask questions. Problems don't have to have answers all the time, but it does help the problem knowing someone doesn't understand the stance you've taken and will be willing to co-operate. But on the latter, if someone continues to say these answers without hearing you out and dismissing your answer, please see less of that person. It won't make you a terrible person to not give someone time of day if they won't have the decency to understand your problem with respect and courtesy.