5 Relationship Tips for Queer Couples

Maintaining a successful relationship is never an easy task. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to share your life with a long-term partner—a fact that holds true for both straight and queer couples. But for queer couples in particular, there are some additional, unique challenges that can place added pressure on new or ongoing relationships.

In our heterosexually-dominated world, LGBTQ+ couples constantly face judgment and disapproval that can weigh heavily on their relationships. At times, it might be hard to break away from the seemingly endless list of societal norms that try to dictate the “right way” for people to act when they choose to be with someone. Meanwhile, you might still be trying to figure out your own identity and how that fits into a relationship in the first place.

If you identify as queer and are looking for some tips on how to navigate the ins and outs of an LGBTQ+ relationship, this is the article for you. Read on to find out our best relationship tips for queer couples to help you enjoy an authentic and fulfilling partnership.

Tip 1: Go at Your Own Pace

Whether this is your first queer relationship or your 20th, make sure you and your partner go at your own pace. Focus on your connection to each other, and do not under any circumstances compare what you and your partner have to other queer or straight relationships.

There is a stereotype that all queer or WLW (women who love women) relationships move super quickly, but you don’t have to let stereotypes dictate the speed of your relationships. Especially if this is your first queer relationship, try to take things slowly. Really get to know one another and make a conscious decision about what you want moving forward.

It can be scary to navigate your first queer relationship. It might take you some time to get comfortable with things like public affection in a society that can be so harsh and judgmental. Just be patient with yourself and try not to give in to feelings of shame. The right person will be gentle with your heart as you figure things out.

Tip 2: Learn Your Partner’s Love Language

For a budding relationship—queer or straight—it is incredibly important that you and your partner are on the same page about how you both want to give and receive love. Taking the time to learn your partner’s love language (and understand your own love language for that matter) will help you build intimacy so you can be there for each other through the ups and downs that are sure to come in any relationship.

For those of you who have never heard of a “love language,” it is basically a way to understand how a person naturally gives love and how they yearn to receive love. There are five love languages including physical touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation.

Look at it this way, if all you need is to hear that your partner loves and accepts you to feel safe in your relationship, but your partner never takes the time to verbally express their love for you, it is going to be hard for you to get what you need from your relationship. But don’t worry! All you and your partner have to do is take the time to learn about each other's love language, and you will be able to build a solid foundation for your relationship to stand on.

Tip 3: Be a Good Listener

Of course, we have to bring up communication when talking about relationship tips. In order to have a successful relationship, you and your partner will have to communicate—through the good times and the bad times.

Even for same-sex couples, you cannot assume your partner is going to know exactly how you’re feeling if you don’t take the time let them know. Give them a chance to understand you, and maybe more importantly, go out of your way to find out how your partner is feeling on a regular basis. When they do open up, truly listen to what they tell you with an open heart.

When our partners share their feelings, and we truly listen to what they have today, we are able to build trust, which is key to any successful relationship. You can also take the time to openly listen to advice from other queer/lesbian couples who are going through a similar experience.

Tip 4: Communicate About Your Sexual Preferences

Speaking of communication, it is also going to be incredibly important for your queer relationship to openly communicate about your sexual preferences including kinks, desires, and of course, boundaries. Make sure your partner understands what you like in the bedroom from the start.

When you are able to openly communicate about sex and get over the shame that sometimes comes when engaging in sexual relations with a partner, it will only enhance your sexual experiences together.

And once you are more comfortable with one another, you can start to really spice things up. Maybe you bring some sex toys into the bedroom or introduce role-playing or even bondage. Not only will this help you have better orgasms, it will also help you and your partner build intimacy.

Tip 5: Let Go of Societal Norms

Lastly, if you are going to have a healthy queer relationship, you have to let go of what you think a queer relationship should look like. There are so many stereotypes out there about gay and lesbian couples, but the fact of the matter is our identities our fluid, and they change with time, so we cannot be expected to fall in line with those stereotypes.

But those aren’t the only stereotypes we have to avoid. Even in queer relationships, it can be easy to fall into gender roles because of how our society portrays relationships in movies, on TV, in books, etc. We cannot escape gender role relationship stereotypes no matter how hard we try, but that doesn’t mean we have to carry them into our queer relationships if we don’t want to.

There is never going to be a “right way” for one to act when they choose to enter into a queer partnership, so ditch the societal norms, and figure out what works for you and your partner instead.