'In My Element'

I have always fancied myself some sort of writer. Instead of writing journal entries in elementary school, I opted to write chapters of fantastical stories, combining worlds and characters from my favourite TV Shows and Videogames. Teachers would always ask me to write about what I did at home, or over a weekend, but once they caught wind of what life at home was like, they let me scribble whatever I wanted. In fifth and sixth grades they even started critiquing my story progression and making suggestions.

When I started High School I started writing the most angsty poetry. I posted them on DeviantArt and Xanga, the other Emo kids told me how great they were, so I kept writing. I wrote short stories rich in fantasy and world building. Some of these worlds erupted to take over my hometown. I brought these to the same teachers who critiqued my writing when I was young, and they seemed to enjoy them.

I started writing skits and scenes for drama class. I wrote scripts for film. I took part in improv. I did my best to use every creative outlet I had. When I ended up in film school, it was my scripts and pitches that were selected to be created. I hoped to turn this into a career.

I started entering contests, submitting to open submissions, always asking for feedback. My writing was always good, but not good enough to be selected for anything. The feedback was always the "shit sandwich" approach, two good things bookending something bad. My job in the industry didn't allot for much creativity, and slowly, I fell off writing regularly.

The pandemic set the world on fire, and I, like most of us, had to discover new hobbies. I delved into the world of DnD, and once more I fell into the world of fantasy I felt so comfortable in. I quickly shifted from being a player to a DM and began bringing my own worlds to life. My wife told me it was the first time in a long time she had seen me truly in my element.

I ran some modules for my first few attempts, not ready to introduce my worlds and stories to friends yet. As we wound our last campaign down, I pitched it, 'How'd you like to run a homebrew? This is the overarching story, pick whatever race/class you'd like to get the proficiencies, attributes, and bonuses from, but you're all effectively human, , and will be using real life locations from here.' I could see the excitement.

It didn't take long for their character sheets to be completed, it was quicker still to work their backstories into the campaign. With everything ready to go, I waited...and waited...and waited. Things sat at a stand still.

As any DnD player will tell you, the hardest thing to a session is scheduling. Schedules change, babies are born, things come up. In the last few months I've found myself without a group to run for, or a campaign to play in, and again I feel the dust starting to collect.

To make this into a career had been a hope since I was nine. I realized maybe too late that my internship and early career choices were poorly chosen, and that path may not be easy to get back on, or possible. However, the world of TTRPG's had given me an outlet I desperately needed. Now I find myself lamenting my one creative outlet, the career I had hoped to have by now, the ideas swirling around in my head, while I watch reboot after reboot, sequel after sequel be spit out by the entertainment industry, and reprint after reprint of campaigns from the world of DnD.