Accepting a Victim Mentality

Accepting Yourself as a Victim

I get a lot of confused facial expressions when I tell people to accept their victim mentality. Having a victim mentality is seen as such a weakness and hindrance that no-one wants to take on the label.

“Stop using the victim card.”

“Victim mentality is an excuse.”

“You’re not a victim, get up and fight.”

“Accepting yourself as a victim is defeat.”

Words like THAT are what caused the weakness and hindrance in my case.

Victim Mentality is not to be used as an excuse, but as a reason (self-awareness is key.)

I dealt with a desire for suicide, genuine social anxiety, and constant (1-3x per week) migraines for years.

My first suicidal thought (that I can remember) came about when I was around 12-13 years old. Social anxiety grew after high school (I dealt with enough untreated trauma to cause intense anxiety) and the migraines began when I was 19 years old (today, I am 33 years old.)

A few years ago, I accepted myself as a victim to life.

I had a difficult time being dependable at work because of my 3 burdens. I had a difficult time making friends and keeping any that I did manage to make. Being a mother was difficult as well (she is definitely my saving grace.) I had no time for studies, socializing, and building any type of life for myself.

I was constantly fighting 1, 2 or all 3 of my burdens.

Acceptance. What I needed was acceptance of all types.

Accepting that I was a victim. Accepting that I needed help. Accepting that I couldn’t succeed unless I accepted making a change along with accepting the process of this change.

I accepted that I had not been able to succeed in life because of the burdens. I accepted that I wasn’t the problem, life was a problem. I accepted that others couldn’t judge me (though many thought they could) and therefore their words and opinions were nothing to me.

That was when life began to change.

4 years. 4 years of acceptance caused a major change in my life.

It’s been 2 years since I last really considered suicide (though I experience short moments here and there.)

It’s been 2 years since I lost control of any type of anxiety (it happens, but I’ve learned to manage.)

And it’s been 2 years of reduced migraines (1-2 every few months.)

I have been a better mother, a better employee, a better friend (still working on improving this,) and better at accomplishing things in life overall.

I’m at a point where I am no longer a victim.

I am available to help others who are (reach out any time: [email protected] : subject : Victim Mentality)

I am available to succeed and no longer be hindered by these burdens.

I am available to put my efforts into regular life goals and achievements instead of the ones I had before.

• Past goals:

o Not going through with suicide

o Taking a shower and brushing my teeth

o Making sure my daughter eats and gets 15 minutes of my attention

o Let her skip school AGAIN to stay with me so that I don’t kill myself.

o Don’t lash at something simple such as dropping a fork

o Getting out of bed and surviving the day

o Talk to more than 1 person today

o Don’t cancel the appointments with doctors/therapist – push through

o Take medications

o Eat something – anything

o Don’t harm yourself – especially out of anger or self-hatred

o Say something nice to yourself or about life. At least one thing.

o Migraine care – migraine care – migraine care

o Find something to laugh about – so you can experience a different emotion

o Try to not call out of work for 1 full week

o The list could go on…

• New Goals

o LIVE – Experience – Enjoy

o Never forget my victim experience

o Always be there for any victims of life

*I am not a professional therapist of any sort. I am someone who has a great deal of experience with suicidal thoughts and efforts, depression, high anxiety, and migraines. I am a friend, I am non-judgmental, and I have a love for humanity. Life is tough, but we are tougher — especially when together.