I Asked For Help, Doing So Cost My Job

I left a toxic job, or maybe it would be more accurate to say the toxic job decided to get rid of me. The days leading up to me leaving were full of stress, anxiety, and visits to the manager’s office. I had taken the job because I wanted to work at a company that held opportunities for me. I even left a job that I enjoyed because I thought this job would better me, but it worsened me instead.

The first clue that my workplace was toxic should was when a team lead told me that she couldn’t train me during back to school time. My sole source of training was outdated videos, and whenever I asked for help, I was told that I should already know whatever I had asked about.

Managers would often comment about the amount of money I made (13.50 an hour for over 14 years of experience). I think money was one of the reasons they wanted me gone, but the main reason was due to an issue with a coworker.

The situation I had found myself in (with this coworker) is entirely new to me. I’ve never had to go to management and ask them to keep someone away from me. I began locking up my water so that he didn’t put anything in it. I also made sure to leave after him so that he couldn’t follow me home.

Instead of helping, managers would make remarks about ‘my accusations’. It was clear they didn’t believe me, despite me showing them proof and him making a few of his vile comments on the sales floor. Despite this, I was told to let the management staff know if he decided to do anything else. Every concern I voiced was ignored. I was treated so poorly that I wished I hadn’t been forced to tell management. I began to wish I’d given him his way and gone on the dates when he asked me. It seemed like anything was better than the way I was being treated at work.

I later discovered that he’d told management (and most of our coworkers) that he was the victim of the situation. He claimed that I was trying to get him fired, although that was far from the truth. The management staff believed him and protected him, often at my expense. The only time my manager spoke to me, was when I was within eyesight of him. My manager wanted to make sure I didn’t have anything to ‘snitch on’ this coworker about. I had no one to turn to for help, especially now that the managers had started writing me up for little to no reason.

Whenever I was brought into the training room/office, my issues with the coworker were brought up. I had once considered him a friend, so home office inquired about whether I was dating him. They also accused me of leading him on when all I did was answer him when he asked me what type of men I liked. They also demanded that I go to the unsupportive store staff instead of using the aware line when I needed help. They were more concerned about the forty dollars each complaint costed them than what was happening within the store.

The staff within my store wasn’t any better. The lone female manager commented on how she had to discipline me because the male managers would need a witness to do so. She also commented that whenever a woman comes forward with accusations, she’s usually believed instead of the man. That wasn’t true in my case, despite me providing home office with texts, chat logs, and whatever else they requested. According to the management staff, I was the big, bad woman who was luring this innocent man into temptation.

I was treated as if the entire ordeal was my fault. I even asked why I was speaking to him outside of work. He was in a higher position than me and he wasn’t asked the same question. Management refused to keep him away from me, instead telling me that I would have to deal with working with him. I was even told that it was only a joke that had gotten out of hand.

I was written up for anything I supposedly did, even things I didn’t do. Once I was written up for disobeying a training video that didn’t exist. I was never warned about my behavior, so I began to fear going to work. I attempted to question why I was getting in trouble so often, but the management staff only told me that the write ups shouldn’t bother me because they would expire in a year. My gut feeling told me they weren’t going to let them expire.

My manager told me during one of these write-ups that I should come to him if I had any questions/concerns about my job, but he never made himself available if I needed him. He also would tell me that he didn’t know the answers to the questions that I did ask him. Every time I asked for help, he would act like I was a burden, and whenever he got the opportunity to write me up, he would claim that he had been available and that I should have asked him for help. He couldn’t fathom that someone who believed they were taking the right course of actions would continue to perform the actions that they believed to be correct without asking for assurance. I truly believe this person enjoyed writing me up, and I had no respect for him.

I observed people doing things that were much worse than what I was doing, such as yelling the lyrics to Cardi B’s WAP on the sales floor, ignoring customers, and staying in the fitting room to gossip during an entire shift. There was even a male associate who walked the store with earbuds shoved into his ears so that he could listen to music instead of working. I asked him if he was being treated the same way as I was, and he said he’d received four warnings and no write ups. I asked him which manager warned him, and it was the same one that was so eager to write me up. Why wasn’t I given warnings instead of going straight to being written up?

I avoided calling in at all costs because I knew that would be another reason for them to write me up. I found out one of my dogs died an hour before I went to work and still went to work because I was terrified of being terminated. I also missed saying goodbye to another of my dogs because she got put to sleep when I was at work. There were many other instances where I made personal sacrifices to be there. The one time I spoke up about staying late, I was told that my personal life wasn’t as important as the company. It doesn’t escape me that my experience is the literal embodiment of why you shouldn’t work yourself to death for your job, they’ll replace you in an instant. The kicker to all this was that I was asking for more work to avoid getting into trouble and I was so afraid of being fired that my hands would shake when I was at work. Why didn’t I quit? Well, I wanted to. Saying I hated the job was an understatement, but I wasn’t in the position to start a new one at the time.

I noticed pains in my stomach, and more greys appearing in my hair. I wasn’t sleeping well, and I was having issues with my memory. I stopped eating well and started skipping more meals. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I couldn’t even enjoy my days off anymore. The fear that I would be fired overtook every part of my life. It wasn’t long before It happened.

I had always been kind to customers, but now I was going the extra mile. I ignored kids throwing things at myself and the customers, tried my best to please the angry Karens, and went out of my way to further educate myself on workout shoes. I was doing whatever I could to please these people, but it still wasn’t enough.

I can still remember cringing as the woman threw a pair of flip flops on the floor and yelled about them being bound together by a security device. She seemed to think the store was accusing her alone of stealing by binding the flip flops together. She spewed off a line of profanities while complaining about this to her daughter as her daughter stuck her bare foot in one of the flip flops (there is no protective sock for trying on flip flops).

I know it may be considered poor customer service, but I didn’t approach her and ask if she needed anything. I knew whatever I did wasn’t going to be good enough for her, and I was trying to hold onto the only way I had of supporting myself. I probably should have gone to the bathroom or done something to get out of her line of vision, but I wasn’t quick enough. She zeroed in on me when I was pulling clearance from the men’s work boot section.

She yelled during her entire interaction with me. She asked me why the shoes were bound together and wasn’t happy when I told her that corporate made us do that because they were a high theft item. I also informed her that I wasn’t allowed to take them apart, and both her and her daughter threw a fit. The sting holding the flip flops together was thin and wouldn’t have made any different during the try on, but her daughter claimed it did. Her toes were hanging over the edge, but she still thought it didn’t fit because of the tag. I was polite to them during the entire interaction, but I couldn’t wait to distance myself from them and get back to work.

I don’t understand why it’s normalized to treat retail workers poorly. It boggles my mind that someone would be so entitled that they would demand that someone be fired because they were unhappy about flip flops being bound together. I would feel awful if I was the one that had gotten someone fired (especially during a pandemic), but this happens so often that people like her have been dubbed ‘Karens’. She went to the front of the store and told management she was going to corporate because I was rude to her. I was never rude to this woman, despite her yelling at me the entire time she spoke to me. The complaint wouldn’t have been a problem for any other associate, but I’ve already stated that management was looking for a reason to get rid of me.

About a week later, I was called into the manager’s office. A familiar feeling of dread formed in the pit of my stomach as I finished helping the customer that I was with and headed to the office to find the store manager and the lone female manager waiting for me. The store manager informed me that he was terminating me because of the woman’s complaint. He told me it wasn’t up for debate. It was clear he wanted me out of his office as soon as possible. He didn’t care that the woman who complained was lying, or about how hard I was working to protect my job. I was led out by the female manager, which caused my former coworkers to stare at me. I felt as if the management staff wanted to embarrass me.

For the entire first week after my termination, I was in shock. I felt numb and found myself having trouble concentrating. I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with me. All my interests seemed to be gone (as they had been when I’d left an abusive relationship), and I couldn’t do much more than apply for jobs and play Pokémon Shield. I was granted a handful of interviews, but I knew I wasn’t being myself when I attended them. My spirit was so damaged that I’d forgotten what to say during an interview, so I nodded a lot. There was also that dreaded question, “Why’d you leave your last job?” I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I responded honestly.

I hate to admit it, but I was afraid to find a new job. I wanted to work, but I was afraid. I couldn’t bear to be treated as I had been at my previous job. Luckily, I’ve found a job where I don’t have to endure toxicity to earn a living. I will never allow a workplace to treat me poorly again.