How To Deal With The ‘She Said, He Said’ Problem In Relationships

This article will explore key aspects of relationships and offer ways to find happiness in being together.

While most people get involved in a relationship for the right reasons, they turn around and leave that relationship for the wrong reasons. You probably know people who have been guilty of doing this at one time or another by demanding that they get their way.

Likely you’ve fallen into this trap yourself at times and tried to make the relationship all about you. In this scenario, things often devolve into the classic ‘she said, he said’ syndrome, thus resulting in an unpleasant power struggle. So why do we so often fall into this trap?

Let’s consider some possible reasons. One important one may be that we make unhealthy choices in our relationships. We have a natural desire for love and companionship in our lives.

Unfortunately, we get in too big of a hurry and wind up making an unwise choice by settling for the “next person” that comes along to satisfy our longing for love and companionship.

Going down this road often results in an unhealthy compromise because we still don’t know the person well at the beginning of the relationship. As we do get to know them, we realize we may have made a mistake, but by then, we’re not courageous enough to admit that we were wrong.

To avoid hurting someone, we wind doing our best to rationalize in our minds all the (actually) irrational reasons we are with that person. That’s not a good thing to do and almost inevitably leads to problems.

In setting relationship goals, you need to focus on being aware of yourself, your habits, desires, and likes and dislikes. This focus shouldn’t be on the relationship itself; instead, it should be on the relationship goals, even in a dating context, because it could lead to something serious.

What kind of relationship goals do we mean? Things like: What do you want in the relationship? What role do you want to play? What do you think you need from the relationship? The bottom line is that you should take careful stock and keep yourself open to discovery, improvements, change, and more.

If you can answer these questions with some reasonable clarity, you’ll be able to understand what you can contribute to a relationship and thus more wisely choose your partners. As a result, you’ll be able to communicate more honestly and openly because you’ve made things less about you and more about the relationship itself.

And the other person in this equation will be able to listen better because the focus is on the relationship and not so much about them. Any needed adjustments can then be made much more quickly and smoothly from both sides by having positive, non-judgemental communications about the relationship.

So look at things with you on one side and your partner on the other. Don’t start by looking critically at one another. Do your best to imagine the relationship end-state you’d like to have so that you can be teammates rather than rivals.

That should be your goal, as well as your partner’s goal. Look at yourselves in comparison to the relationship goals you’ve set. By doing this, you’ll then be able to work more effectively together as real partners, communicating as equals to discuss and address whatever life happens to toss your way.

Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about the relationship. So do whatever it takes to set and achieve realistic relationship goals. If you do, the chances of a successful relationship will increase dramatically.

As we all know, having a successful relationship certainly can be a challenge to achieve at times. And it often requires some hard work on the part of the parties involved in the relationship.

But don’t let that deter you. Just be sure to avoid falling into the counterproductive ‘she said, he said’ trap. That’s the best way to keep the peace in a relationship and achieve happiness, something we’re all pursuing every day.

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