Checking The List

I am what you would call a hopeless romantic. Ask any of my friends, they’ll tell you.

I grew up loving Jane Austin novels and their movie adaptations, and dreamed of my wedding - of course, I was going to wear a princess-style ball gown and probably a tiara.

I didn’t date in high school. Not because I wasn’t allowed, but because there wasn’t anyone in my circle that I was interested enough in (or was interested in me). So I made it into college before I started dating seriously.

I was in a long-term relationship with a classmate from college, and we genuinely thought that we were gonna get married and start an entertainment empire. But time (and therapy) helped us to realize that we weren’t right for each other in the long term. There were no hard feelings over it, and I’m glad that I had so many great experiences with him. But, after 10 years, I found myself in a dating pool that I’d never really had to get into. And let me tell you, it was terrifying.

My thoughts of what I imagined dating would be were not at all what I experienced. There were a few connections, a few conversations, a few dates. But I hadn’t quite found that one.

Sharing my despair with my therapist at the time, she advised me to make a list of the things that I wanted in a partner. It was a pretty extensive list, but she assured me that knowing what specifics you are looking for will help you to narrow things down. It is something that I wished I had done while I was younger - though, I'm sure that the list wouldn't be what it is if I'd made it back then.

In truth, there was an earlier version of the list. It was wholly unreasonable and based solely on what I read or saw in movies. I wanted him to be able to sing me to sleep, to be a good cook, to be able to dance. Specific, yet...not.

My new list was more tangible. Knows how to address my love languages. Enjoys both time spent together and time alone. Supports me in my goals. Shares some of my hobbies. Encourages me to get out of my comfort zone. Shows me physical affection and doesn't care who sees.

I tried to remind myself that there was a chance that I wouldn't find everything on the list, but if I found someone with a majority, I would be in a good place.

Imagine my surprise when I found him.

On Bumble, of all places.

It started as a physical attraction, of course; how else would it be online when all that you see is words and pictures? But slowly I began to appreciate the mind beneath the blonde hair and blue (gray, according to him) eyes. He always punctuated his messages. He shared my love of gaming. He had read voraciously as a child and was an amazing conversationalist. Sparks were flying, and we had several conversations that lasted late into the night. We were so excited to meet in person, so much so that we decided on a date in the middle of the week even though we had to be up for work the next day.

From that day on, something in me just knew. He was the man who I'd been looking for. And he's been proving me right ever since.

Not only does he cover everything on my list, but he also has things that I didn't know that I needed. He helps me to be rational when I'm overthinking. He reminds me that I'm capable of whatever I set my mind to, and helps me to get things organized so that I can get them done. He gets me things to help me be more productive. He listens to all my stories and doesn't complain about me talking too much. He encourages me on my fitness journey while also reminding me that I'm beautiful the way that I am.

When I was dealing with anemia, he was the calming voice that helped to keep me together. He was at my first iron infusion appointment when I was scared out of my mind, as well as at my surgery to correct the problem. Throughout it all, he was a gentle reminder that everything was going to be alright - which was needed, because my mind was trying hard to convince me otherwise.

I can tell him about my job and he gives me advice when I need it and a listening ear when I just need to vent. I can send him sections of my novel in progress and he'll give me feedback and point out grammatical errors.

In short, he's everything that I've ever needed in a partner.

When getting to know my coworkers at my current school and discussing our love lives, one friend asked, "Are you in love?"

I didn't have to think hard at all before I answered, "Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because...because I feel like every part of me is being loved."

That still rings true today, and the feeling has only intensified.

At this point, I can't imagine my life without him. And I'm so excited to have many more experiences with him.