5 Truths I Want You To Know About Dating Yourself

I never get bored. Except when I am with people I do not vibe with

This is one of my philosophies. I love my me-time and need it like oxygen.

I have visited cafes, taken trips to parks, libraries, jewellery shops, solo trips all by myself and I schedule time for this in a week .

I am a bit of a realist with the whole idea of romance but things were not the same three years ago.

I was searching for a rom-com kind of love — In bus stops, in libraries, in cafes, in watercolour classes, in a rainy walk back to my hostel, in volunteering works, in the gym, heck even on a squeaky bridge in the evening with string lights — I had my reasons.

I was told since childhood, the way to live a life is this — study for 23 years, settle down in a career, make your parents proud, then find love (the guy your family, your neighbour, your high school principal, your wedding event planner would approve of). Having ticked the first three, I was on stage four. I thought it would be a breeze.

Till today, finding the person who devised this screwed up idea is on my to-do list.

Self-date ideas are also smart marketing campaigns. Have you noticed “self-date” ideas cropping up around February?

From beauty products, to cafes giving offers, to scented candles, greeting cards for self, it’s everywhere. You think the world suddenly woke up to celebrate singles — how naive!

Self-date promos are as critical as the valentine’s day campaign for today’s market. Come on, why would any business want to miss the well-earning singles crowd?

So, think twice before you invest in an experience that promises to celebrate you.

Here’s what half a decade of self-dating taught me:

#1 Self Dating is not about giving a f**k you to All the guys who didn’t ask you out

You are a gorgeous, brilliant, single woman Rashmi, guys failed to take notice of you (*sigh*). You are giving yourself the LOVE you were supposed to be given by going on self-dates. Oh, poor me!

That’s exactly how I started — with a passive-aggressive approach. It would take me 3 years to see that no one gives a damn.

Except my mother.

#2 You will meet amazing people not necessarily with date prospects

One of my self — date ideas was attending a Calligraphy workshop (yes, Steve Jobs inspiration!)

In the break time, a fellow participant started chatting up with me. She was the principal of a Montessari school. I asked her if I could give a session on astronomy for her kids. I am a Remote Sensing major, love astronomy and have volunteering experience teaching kids.

She believed me and gave me an opportunity. The kids were brilliant and it was a huge success. I was invited a second time.

I made wonderful memories and friends for a lifetime.

It was the most unexpected of ways — But I found my love.

#3 There is no right or wrong way to it

In the pursuit of getting outside your comfort zone, don’t risk losing your individuality.

I have never worn my little black dress, sat in a romantic restaurant and ate all by my myself. I would be freaking embarrassed. Though I am a huge romantic, I can’t write myself a love letter without feeling like a fake.

The only rule I follow — Do what makes me happy.

Anything creative lights me up.

I have been to cafes and basically munched on pancakes while revising Harry Potter for the 1000th time, I have taken my watercolour set to parks and painted to general amusement.I have been to the planetarium, to an Animal Hospital to play with puppies there.

I have also taken my dates to these places and made good memories. When you know what you enjoy doing alone, it helps.

#4 It is a lifelong ritual And essential to have loving relationships

There I said it. Self — date is not for singles only.

No matter how much we are loved or blessed with amazing people in our circle, we can only receive and give when we are full of love ourselves. Self- dates is the celebration of your company and teaches us an essential truth — we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness in this world.

#5 Jealousy and Frustration will hit you

All the inner demons will come up to meet you.

You will see loved up couples looking straight out of Instagram, children hiding under your table and asking you to keep mum, you will not get tables on a busy day and the guy you were planning to say a hi will turn up with his gorgeous girlfriend. The world will seem unfair.

You will also learn that what you see is just 1% of the story. Everyone has problems, longings and like us — are masters at hiding it.

You will learn to wish them well and continue eating your waffles in peace.

Like they would do, looking at you.

Final Thoughts

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.- Oscar Wilde

Self- dates are your precious time.

They show us mirror to facts if we need a relationship to complement us or to solve our loneliness problem.

So here it is for you — do this ritual for your happiness without an end goal, keep in mind it’s also a major market, be open to meeting folks while keeping safety a priority.

Here’s the thing — self-love like romance is a 365-day 24*7 process.

You need to put in the work on a regular basis and not hide your inefficiencies behind a bunch of expensive roses or scented candles.

The world is filled with too many of us who are inclined to indicate our love with an announcement or declaration. True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time. — Marvin J. Ashton

Article first published in the Medium.