The idol: Tedious, pointless, cringe-inducing

In the opening scene of the Max show-business melodrama “The Idol,” Lily-Rose Depp’s half-naked pop star Jocelyn is doing a photo shoot in her mansion as the photographer issues a series of off-screen notes: “Give me some innocence now … some doe-eyed looks … now mischievous, play with the camera … OK, pure sex now, that’s good, give me vulnerable … and now emotional …”

The camera eventually pulls back to reveal the small army of managers, handlers, publicists, assistants, et al., whose lives revolve around the career fortunes of Jocelyn, who is clearly modeled after

Within a few scenes, it’s obvious “The Idol” is going for a 1990s erotic thriller vibe a la “9 ½ Weeks” or “Showgirls”, but based on the pilot that premiered Sunday on HBO, “The Idol” doesn’t even have the campy trash factor of those films. It comes across as cynical, condescending, exploitative and flat.

Lily-Rose Depp has a captivating on-screen presence and does her best in the role, but she's forced to play a mediocre variation of the stereotypically tormented pop singer we've seen in "The Rose" and many incarnations of "A Star Is Born."

Nearly every snippet of dialogue is cringe-worthy, e.g.

Then there’s this: When Jocelyn says, “Pop music is just superficial,” Tedros replies, “I think Prince would disagree with you.”

Oh yeah? I think Prince would want to send a cease-and-desist letter demanding they never mention him in this series again.

The first thing I screamed after the 1st episode is 'I WANT MY 54 MINS BACK' it is that bad.

I knew from the first episode that The Idol will be ripe for cringe-viewing in future. Watching over the first episode, it already felt a little like some kind of pulpy box-office flop rescued from the archives. And I’m profoundly indebted to the show for one significant reason: it gave us World Class Sinner, a Jocelyn hit that’s meant to be bad but which I – and many of my friends – just can’t stop listening to. Unlike much of The Idol, World Class Sinner is camp, ridiculous fun – a send-up of dumb pop music that still has all the shiver-inducing thrills of the real thing. If only The Idol had been half as good.

Among the images of Depp sulkily smoking by the pool were some brilliant moments. Although a tad cartoonish, the sequences of music industry satire in which aged execs drooled over gratuitous nudity, mental instability, and controversy sounded essentially accurate. The joke in this episode's musical showcase, which started with Roth and Adams' characters about to write off Jocelyn and her band of weirdo stragglers before they each received lapdances, was a little on-the-nose, but it was pretty funny and, regrettably, indicative of the way major label reps see dollar signs in their eyes the moment any performance becomes slutty and orgiastic.

When I suggest that entire episodes — not just scenes — seem to be missing from The Idol's first season, it shouldn't come as a surprise. Individual arcs may have been adequately developed on paper, but the condensed five-episode run makes everything feel hurried. However, Levinson and his group of knowledgeable specialists make every effort to pull off a cover-up. Although its European artsy-fartsiness can be briefly enjoyed, the show's perplexing editing technique ultimately serves little purpose. If anything, the editing frequently gives the impression that characters can live in multiple temporal planes at once.

But this is emblematic of The Idol as a whole. It’s always pretty to look at; the film grain gives it the illusion of importance, but it’s an empty, often revolting experience. For a show that attempts to satirise how out of touch successful celebrities can be, it’s a bit ironic to see just how embarrassingly pleased the people who created this seem to be with themselves.

The most extensive damage of all, though, might be to HBO. Long considered the gold standard of prestige TV studios, the network behind Succession has dropped a clunker for the ages. One bad Weeknd could ruin its reputation for years.