Sunday Guy

My tail taps against the perfume bottles on the dresser as I watch Zaya’s latest conquest. In his business suit, he looks out of place in our cluttered apartment filled with antique furniture.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he’s flustered. “You want me, to give you, ten thousand dollars? I’ve worked months to save that much.”

“If you want to see me again, Luis.”

“This is crazy.”

Zaya walks into the kitchen. I leap off the dresser and follow. Out of sight from Luis, she reaches for the highest shelf, pulls down a glass vial, and applies a drop of perfume.

I slink back to keep an eye on Luis in the bedroom. He doesn’t notice me. Pets are invisible.

Unbuttoning his shirt, well worked gym muscles bulge out, yet his face is strained in thought.

Zaya returns, now showing cleavage. “Come, Luis. Closer.”

He follows, sits closer and takes a whiff, “You smell great.” His look softens. “So, what do you need the ten thousand dollars for?”

“I’m behind on the electricity bill.”

“Electricity…” His eyes are glazing over. “Electricity. A check?”

“A check, like last time.” She massages his strong shoulders. He scribbles his signature on the bottom. “You don’t need to fill in the rest.” She takes the pen out of his hands.

Dizzy now with pheromones, he’s lost the ability to speak in long sentences. “You’re hot, Zaya.”

“You have to go now. I’m teaching Pilates this afternoon. You can come back next week.”

“Ah…next week?”

“Next week.”

She directs him slowly out the front door, closes and locks it.

“Monday date, ov~er,” she says sings, while turning around to look at me on the floor. “We women are alone in this world. But I can count on you, Cardamon.”

I energetically shake my tail. She may be overestimating pet loyalty.

“Now, it's feeding time for cute Cardamon-y.”

This is such great news, I jump on her, and nibble on her skirt. Rayon. After being in New York for ten years, she should have moved on to natural fibers by now.

Zaya pours a cup of dry kibble. Yuck. I haven't had moisy chicken liver cat food for months now. I'm nostalgic for our days in Medved where the servants presented a bowl of real chicken liver every morning.

Sadly, Zaya was banished from Medved for bewitching the royal treasurer, and told never to return without paying a ransom of 20 bars of gold.

Leaving the palace, she managed to smuggle Elixir of Yenot. Its scent intoxicates men. They lose all sense of logic, and do anything to please the wearer.

After Zaya goes out for the day, I decide I can’t handle dry kibble anymore. It’s time for revenge.

In the kitchen, the step stool was left out, and I climb up, and make a flying upward leap. My claws catch the top shelf and I pull myself over.

Out of spite, I nudge one of the vials over the edge. My hair stands as I hear it shatter. I never knew it would be so much fun. One by one, I flick them off the edge. The best feeling I’ve had for a long time. When the shelf is bare, I lie down, take a nap and dream of chicken liver.

I wake as Zaya is shrieking. “Did you do this Cardamon?” She’s looking at the broken glass.

Are there any other hungry pets here?

“All of my elixir is gone,” she shrieks.

With all four legs, I sprint under the bed.

Without the elixir, her Tuesday “date” goes terribly, with George realizing how much money he has lost to get so little. The week becomes a series of bad breakups and loud exits.

George. Dylan. Luis. Mason. Tyler.

On Sunday, Zaya tries to pull herself together and make things work without the elixir. Cody arrives and cooks dinner. Coq au Vin. And in a little bowl for me, a few chicken bones. At least he tried.

“Aren’t you going to leave too?”

“Where did that come from? I have no reason to leave.”

“Why not?”

“Honestly, I greatly enjoy coming over here every Sunday and listening to your knowledge of European history and Armenia.”

“Do you feel anything different today? Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Cody fidgets. “One thing, all those times you went to the kitchen, I lied about your perfume. I can't smell anything, a congenital defect.”

“Really?” Zaya looks truly surprised by this new information.

“Smell isn’t everything. The other 4 senses…”

“I still feel like there’s something I don’t know.”

He smiles sheepishly. “My last girlfriend was from Medved, I know how wild they are.”

“Oh, that's why...", she murmurs, then smiles. He smiles back and they laugh so loudly the neighbors across the street can hear.

I haven’t seen her this relaxed in a long time. “Smell is only one of the senses,” she says. “We can do a lot with the others.” She throws her arms around him and pulls his mouth to hers for a kiss. They move to the sofa and sip red wine and talk about faraway Medved. She giggles while stroking his hair, and murmurs sweet nothings late into the night.

Later, when I hear them snoring on the sofa, I sneak to the bedroom, and look at her safe, looking at its handle, I realize how useful it is we raccoons have opposable thumbs. I’ve spied her doing her magic a few times. I push the same buttons, watch the flashing lights. The door opens. Inside, I see at least 15 bars of gold.

“Bingo!” I whisper softly.

I take a gold bar out and push it down the front of my raccoon sweater, then sneak out the back window. I think a gold bar will be enough to buy a can of chicken liver. The guy I talk to down on the corner says he can give me the same deal as last time.