Send Help

"Reset your password."

"What?" I lied.

"I said, I want you to click on the 'forgot your password' icon, and then you need to reset your password."

"Oh, yeah, okay, I'm clicking it now."

"Did you click it?" The exasperated IT guy asked over the phone.

"Where is it again?" I asked as I tried to keep a confused tone in my voice. Kat was laughing louder now, and tears started to fall from her clenched eyes.

"Under the password box. Right under it."

"Oh, that, I answered, surprise in my voice. "Yup, I clicked it."

( I did not. )

"Now, what do you see?" Karl asked. I knew his name was Karl, although he just told me it was Bill. He was the only IT guy on call this weekend for our firm and happened to be Kat's cheating ex-boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend once she got home to dump his ass.

"Bill" was quiet for a minute more before he spoke again.

"Hello? Are you still on the line?"

I bet he was praying I had hung up. Eight minutes I'd had him so far.

"I am here," I said.

"Did you click the button?"

"What button?" I asked incredulously.

I wondered how long I could keep this up. When Kat arrived at my office crying an hour earlier, I did not feel as kind. I wanted to fire his ass. But of course, I couldn't. It wasn't work-related afterall, and to can him for fraternization would mean I'd have to fire my best saleswoman too. Kat's only been on the floor for three months, but she was leading our team in profits by a fair margin. Suffice it to say, not an option.

"The forgot my password button," he said more forcefully into the phone.

"Yes?"

"What do you see?"

Oooo, I could tell I was getting under his skin. But then again, maybe he should not have been all over Sara's skin.

At this point, it is worth a mention; Sara was the big ol' boss's daughter. Messy right?

"I see a black screen."

Complete and utter lie.

"Black? The whole screen?"

"Did I say black? Oh no, I meant blue."

"Blue?"

"Yup, I announced happily. "But don't worry, not dark blue. No, it's more of, like, a robin's egg blue? That's good, right?"

I turned my head to look at Kat. Tall, gorgeous, blonde with bright blue eyes, and the darkest sense of humour I've ever heard. Screw Karl/Bill, I thought.

She had stopped laughing, but was still smiling her sad smile as she wiped mascara off her face.

"Or it could be purple?"

He audibly huffed. "I think you need to restart your computer."

"Why?" I asked.

There is no way he would have still been on the phone if I wasn't in management.

"To get rid of the blue screen," he sighed.

I guess he didn't think it could be purple.

"Turn it off, count to ten, then turn it back on. "

"Okay." I agreed, and after putting my fingers to my lips in the universal shhh, don't talk signal, I clicked the phone over to speaker mode. Getting up from my chair, I moved to the bookcase and poured myself and Kat a dram of bourbon from my secret stash. Neat, so he wouldn't hear the ice. I winked at Kat before returning to the phone. It was 6:08 pm, and I knew from his future ex-girlfriend he was supposed to be off work at 6:00.

Let's keep him late. Shall we?

"Okay, it's unplugged."

"What? No, I didn't say unplug it. Just turn it off, he grumbled. "It's okay, he assured me anyway, "plug it back in and tell me when it's back on."

I didn't say anything. Another minute passed.

"Hello?" He asked, full of hope at the dead air.

"I SAID OKAY," I yelled into the receiver.

"Oh, I am sorry," he replied. And, the poor sack really did seem sorry. Now, if only he was sorry for hurting Kat.

"I plugged it in."

It was never unplugged.

"Is it on?" Bill/Karl asked.

"What?" I asked. I was running out of things to say. Twelve minutes in.

"Is it on?" He spoke up louder.

"It's just coming on," I replied.

"Okay, good." He sounded relieved.

I waited for what seemed to be an absurd amount of time while Kat poured us another nip. I smiled and took it from her. Her smile seemed less sad.

"It's back on," I announced.

"Okay, now I want you to enter your username and password."

"But I, ugh, don't know my password?"

"Oh right, he exclaimed, obviously flustered. "Now, I need you to click on the reset your password icon below where you'd normally type your password in." He spoke slowly enunciated each syllable.

"Okay," I replied.

"Now, does it ask for your email address?" He inquired.

"Is an orange screen bad?" I responded.

He hung up.