Letters to Nadia

Nadia,

The last few weeks have been rough. Mom and dad are arguing more than ever and I just want you to come home. I wish I knew what happened that night. I remember being woken up by slamming doors at 2 a.m. and looking out my window to see mom and dad driving off. I looked over to your bed and it was empty, and that’s when I knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just sat on the floor and waited. Dad didn’t get back until almost two days later. He didn’t say anything when he walked in, just motioned for me to come with him. We drove to the hospital where mom was waiting with you. By then, you were asleep, and the doctors didn’t know what had happened. It’s already been three months since the accident and so far nothing seems to be changing. I still visit you every day after school. Most of the time I just sit and do my homework. I write you letters every day too. You’ve got quite a few waiting for you when you wake up. I don’t really know what else to write today. Not much happens anymore. When mom and dad aren’t fighting they’re at work. The house feels so empty with them always gone. This morning they were arguing about apples. Dad ate the last one for breakfast and mom started yelling about how he always takes whatever he wants without any thought for others. I hid in the bathroom during this, I thought it was best not to get involved. They still treat me like a child, they think I don’t notice how our bills are always a little late, or how we never have more than a couple days worth of food in the cabinet. They stay up all night arguing about money, hospital bills are expensive, grocery prices are increasing, and school costs too much. But I hope things will get better soon. I miss you every day.

Nadia,

Things are the same as always. Summer is ending soon, school will be a welcome break from the arguments at home. Mom and dad spent the entire evening yelling, I hid up in our room. Right now dad is off driving, he does this every night. They argue, mom goes to do chores, dad goes to drive until he’s calmed down. It’s been a tense summer. I’ve started learning French, it gives me something to focus on… and it reminds me of you. I remember two years ago when you went to France for the summer. You made me help you study common French phrases every night for seven months. I always enjoyed our time together. You helped me through every assignment I had, and somehow made studying fun. Going back to school this year will be a welcome distraction, but it won’t be the same without you there. You will always be my favorite study partner. But we never know what will happen. Doctors say your condition has been the same for the last three months, but things could always get better. There’s a little less than a month until school starts, I can only hope a miracle will happen before then and you’ll be okay again. I know you’re two years older than me, and because of that I’m kinda perpetually your annoying younger brother. But I love you a lot, and I would do anything to have you back. I miss you always.

Nadia,

For the first time since the accident I’m writing to you from your hospital room. Usually I wait until before bed, so I can write all about my day. There’s been lots of times I really haven’t known what to write, but I always do. I don’t know exactly why. I’m sure you aren’t going to want to read hundreds of letters when you wake up, but right now these are all I have. At least when I write to you I feel like you’re not entirely gone. The desk in our bed has been covered in half written letters for months, I’ve realized how indecisive I am when deciding what parts of my day to tell you about. There’s also a couple of drawings I did that I thought about sharing with you, but I don’t know if they’re any good. Writing to you has become my nighttime routine. I finish chores, get dressed for bed, then sit under the window and write to you. But I can’t do that tonight, so I’m writing from right next to you. I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, and I guess I don’t really, but I want to be honest. You don’t need to worry, everything is going to be alright, but I’m not sure where I’ll be staying tonight, or any night for a while. I got home from school to pick up some flowers to bring you and Mom and dad told me not to come back. I guess I should have seen this coming. Money has been a problem for a long time. Dad and I got into a fight this morning over you. He says they can’t afford your hospital bills while they have another kid to take care of. I yelled at him, said some bad things that I regret. But I’d rather have been kicked out than have them give up on you. I don’t really know what I’ll do now, but I know today might be the last time I can visit you for a while. I’m going to need to look for a job, and a place to live. But I promise I’ll come back. I miss you every day, and I won’t stop looking for a way to help you. To bring you home. I’ll write again as soon as I can.

Nadia,

I’m sorry it’s been so long since the last time I wrote. I spend most of my time wandering around the city. I work occasionally for a small grocery store. Nothing too big, stocking shelves or cleaning bathrooms. They pay me a little bit, but not much. But I've been doing alright. I sleep wherever I can, on warmer nights I usually find a park bench, on colder nights public bathrooms are always an option. Dumpsters also keep warmer than being outside. It isn’t a great way to live, but I get by. I also spend a lot of time at the library. I’ve been reading every medical book they have, trying to find something to get you back. I still have no idea what happened to you. Your doctors aren’t exactly sure what put you into this coma, and mom and dad would never say anything about how they found you. I haven’t talked to them since I left. I walk by the house occasionally, just to see how things are. Everything seems okay. I see them leave to go to work, and sometimes if the curtains are open I can see them doing work around the house. They seem to be fightin less now. With me gone they don’t have to worry as much about money. I do miss them, not the yelling or throwing things, or the three hour long drives that make me wonder if dad will ever come back. But I miss having a family. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get that back. I do know that it can’t happen with you gone. So I’ll keep reading, keep searching for anything that could help us. It might sound silly, but I’ve even considered magic. Other people seem entirely convinced that it’s real, I’m not as sure, but I’d try anything. Miss you every day.

Nadia,

The past months have been really hard. I’ve never felt more afraid and alone than I did over the past months. But I think things are finally getting better. I was walking around like I always do and I passed this adorable cafe. I really think you would love it, I’m going to have to take you there sometime. But as I was passing by I saw a new guy taking out the trash. The bag looked heavy so I offered to help him. We got to talking and I told him about how I had been kicked out and had been living on the streets. I told him about you too. About how much I missed you, and all the great memories of us together. I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but I felt like I had known him all of my life. After talking to him and explaining everything that I had one through, he invited me in. I tried to tell him I had no money, and couldn’t afford anything. But he said it wasn’t necessary. We went upstairs to his room, and he showed me a poster for a college about three hours away. He said he was leaving in a week to go there, and said I should go with him. Of course, I had to say no because there was no way I could ever pay for it. But he was insistent, saying he’d take care of all of that. I started to ask how he could possibly afford to pay for both of us, but he shook his head and said it was better not to ask. While I know this all seems like a bad idea, or some kind of scam, I’m going to go with him. Until I can get you back there is nothing for me here. And going to school would be a great opportunity for me. I’d have a place to live, and food, and I could study medicine! Anything that might help you. I’ll write soon, I’m sorry for leaving, but I promise it won’t be long. I’ll always come back for you. I miss you always.