Emperor's Empiric Expansion Exposes Entities

"Randy! Heads up!" The radio blared.

"No problem, Chester! Accelerating past eighty, now! No way this freak's getting past me!" Checking his mirrors, the suspect moved effortlessly into his blind spot, paced Randy for a bit, then peeled away. Jaw slack, eyes wide, foot easing off the gas, Randy pulled over. "HE JUST WALKED MY 800 HORSEPOWER CHARGER LIKE I WAS STANDING STILL! WHAT THE HELL!"

"Easy Randy, you ain't special. That five meter tall naturist's even out ran the copter."

At headquarters they were examining paperwork, "Why can't we contain him?"

"More importantly, what're his motives?"

"Everyone he deliberately touches suddenly becomes allergic to all forms of clothing: hide, textiles, inorganic materials; you name it."

"So, we're lucky then?"

"He's smacked half our sergeants and troops..."

"And first lieutenant Jenny."

"Thought my ears were ringing," she strolled in.

"Geezus!"

"Oh, shit!"

They looked elsewhere.

"At ease. Just don't ogle. Any insight, lieutenant Randy?"

"Maybe..."

"Out with it, chief."

"Look out the window with me. See that mom nursing her baby?"

"Yeah?"

"She's only clothing her in kisses and love."

"K'ay."

"Professor over there's clothing his students with knowledge."

"Alright?"

"Those kids playing catch..."

"Yeah?"

"Just being kids."

"Your point?"

"Uhhh..."

"He's not stripping us," Chester interjected, "he's making us be ourselves. Even you in your," he gestured, "new police uniform."

Jenny rolled her eyes, "Hardy har har. Nice hypothesis though, least it makes sense."

"You cold?"

"Chester," she snapped, "eyes up here, paperwork's over there."

"Sorry."

She sighed, "Can't blame ya'. If I were you, I'd stare at me too."

"Seriously though, it's chilly outside. You're not?"

"Yep."

"Congruent with every affected victim thus far," Randy perused the files.

"It's mid spring, bought any bug repellant."

"Nope, haven't been bitten."

"'Skin's impervious to minor damage,' checks out."

"What about any form of coverage?"

"Stings like the dickens, leaving a temporary rash."

"'Similar to patients affected by stinging nettles,' everything's consistent."

"What's his angle, though," Jenny pondered. "He's done this across fifteen states."

"Maybe he's peeling away all of the physical, social, layering labels we cast onto others and ourselves. What's left afterwards?"

"Were you always philosophical?"

"Possibly."

"Maybe our 'emperor's' trying to amass his empire?"

Thavien's Token: Microsoft Word, Google Documents, and WordCounter all count 364 words with 2358 characters. Vocal says 366 words. I started typing this on Vocal, completed a rough draft in my email, used the outline and completed typing everything here on Vocal Media. Vocal still says 366 words, yet the other sources read 364 words. I'm too tired for this nonsense.

Small update: There were unnoticeable or invisible characters lingering around near the bottom of this story. Vocal, give me a break. Why didn't they get deleted the first fifty times?!

This story is crafted for L.C. Schäfer's "Fucked Up Fairytales - An Unofficial Challenge."