A Christmas Whodunit
For The Vocal "Whodunit" Challenge
The Prompt
Write a crime fiction story.
The Night Before Christmas
"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."
Well, something had stirred given the mess under the Christmas tree. Who or what could have done that? Every wrapped present had been shredded and anything edible had been consumed by the perpetrators.
What an absolute mess.
The kids were upset at first, then not too bothered as they could see what their presents were, but all the chocolate was gone, and the only option to get something to replace it was the local garage, and that would be a limited choice and very expensive on Christmas Eve.
But someone or something was responsible for this. The kids were down the list of suspects although at times they could be very nefarious in order to get their own way or what they wanted. The mess though didn't say the kids had done it, it looked like an animal, but the animal and been very thorough in disposing of the chocolate and sweets in the packages.
The dog looked doe-eyed with a "Who Me? Never" expression. The cat just didn't care but had never shown a predilection for chocolate and sweets.
But that was it. The house had not been broken into, so the only suspects were mum, dad, son, daughter, cat, and dog, but none had any reason to have destroyed the presents.
So to try and find out the culprits, a plan was hatched.
Dad would go to the garage and get replacement sweets and chocolates.
They would clear the mess, then rewrap the presents and the new sweets and chocolates, then place them, once more, under the tree.
Next was the installation of their security webcams, focussed on the presents under the tree.
So mum, dad. and the kids knew that the presents were being watched. The dog still looked like the dog looked and the cat still didn't care.
Christmas Morning
They all came down together to find another mess under the Christmas Tree. There was no chocolate, no sweets, and the Christmas paper was a shredded mess.
This time though, they had proof of the crime being committed on film and evidence of who the criminals were, or so they thought.
They looked at the video and had about three minutes where they saw tiny figures coming out from holes in the skirting board. The holes were actually doors, that they had never noticed and these creatures were like tiny human rodents. They had claws and while they were shredding the paper and stealing the chocolate to take through the doors, there seemed to be a conference going on, and then one of the creatures came up to the cameras and smeared chocolate over the lens.
That was it.
The family now knew what had done the damage but wondered why the dog didn't bark, but they knew the cat couldn't care less.
They knew the chocolate was going through their skirting boards then either into the walls or under the house.
Dad had a trapdoor and ladder to go under the house and see what these creatures were. He went down with his torch and saw the creatures with their stash of chocolates and sweets:
Dad: "What The F..."
Creature: "Don't hurt us, we are lost and hungry"
Dad: "What are you, where did you come from?"
Creature: "We are Kabouter, and our home was swept up in the storm, and we landed next to your house, can you help us get home?"
Dad: "If you stop stealing our chocolate and sweets. Where do you live? What else do you like to eat?"
Creature: "We live across the see in Lowland, and we eat tulips and cheese normally but chocolate and sweets are good"
Dad: "Well come up and join us, eat with us, and I assume you mean The Netherlands or Holland when you say Lowland"
Creature: "Yes we have heard it called that, thank you so much for not hurting us"
Dad: "I had never heard of Kabouter, but come up, tell us about yourself, and then we shall get you home"
So the crime was solved.
The family and Kabouter ate and talked together and they would drive the Kabouter via the ferry home to Holland and have an unexpected European Christmas holiday.
The dog looked like the dog, confused at the small creatures at the dining table, and the cat didn't care.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Comments (25)
Very good lesson even in the story, congrats on the top story
Well done on your Top Story, Mike! Why didn't the dog bark, though? Mine would have gone batshit 😂
Such a cute Whodunit Top Story... so relieved the dog (clearly not a Labrador) didn't eat the chocolate! Unbeakable writing rule... don't harm the dog! Happy New Year!
Congrats on Top Story!
Loved the ending. 😂😂Congratulations on top story!
Congratulations on the top story!🎉🎉🎉
I love cats. They just don't care. Now I have to go rewrite my story, it is so not this one. This story was so gosh darn great. Wonderful job and holiday congrats to you.
I liked the creative way you formatted the story. And the call out to the guilty dog look haha that's one of my favorite memes/gifs.. A Compilation of Guilty Dogs:. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtUwu1fJgok
Yayyyyy so happy you got a Top Story for this! Congratulations!
Haha I loved the ending, and the cat didn't care. Great story!
Hahah!! This was great Mike!! I love the way you characterized the cat and dog!! Such a fun story! Are Kabouter inspired by anything from real life/ mythology? Also, congrats on Top story!
This was such an inventive and creative story. I like how the creatures eat tulips!! Very good brother 👌❤️💕👏 congratulations on your top story! It could be a cute short story for kids
OMG!! LOVE IT! what a fabulous TS for Christmas. Awesome..... can't say enough good things about this.
🤣🥰 Really cute!
Ah that was so good! Congrats on the top story (I hope this wins the competition). Loved it! X
Haha. That was great. Congrats on the TS.
nice one reaally enjoyed it
Congratulations Mike,
A little Christmas tale with a good heart and lovable ending Well done
Supercute! Wonderful job Mike!!
"Who, me? Never" hahahahahahahahaha I loved that! The dog looked like the dog and the cat didn't care 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have cousins from Netherlands and I'm gonna call them Kabouter hahahahahaha!
Stuart Little has kin in the Netherlands! Surprisingly sweet for such a story. (Though I guess I should have expected it, knowing your predilection for uplifting,lol! Well done.)
I love a happy ending 🥰
Wonderfully written whodunit!!! Loved it!!!💕❤️❤️
I would never have thought rodents would have done it! It is very good!