Why nobody is helping you.
It's important to treat others, especially people who you don’t know with the utmost respect, showing them the same concern which you expect.
I received recently a message from a stranger on LinkedIn which I found very rude and misguided, so I thought I’ll write an article about it. This total stranger after a quick “Hello” message proceeded to send me a good bunch of messages asking me to help him any way I could, he was very persistent on me finding a job for him. I was taken aback by all these messages, firstly because this was a total stranger to me and secondly even if I felt like helping him, his very aggressive approach left a sour taste to say the least.
There were just so many things wrong with his message and his approach so in this article I will explain to you why nobody is helping you and how you can change that. This isn’t an isolate event, sometimes on the streets people meet us and ask for help, and yet again the request might come from our inner circle of friends. Basically, whenever people feel like you can be of help, they automatically assume you should be of help and its your duty to help others
What he did wrong
For starters, one thing social media does a terrible job at is to attribute respect and authority proportionately. On social media, everybody has the same age and status, and we can all talk to each other like mates. Right now I could easily write to any CEO of any company like we were old buddies, I could talk to someone twice my age like we went to the same school together and so there is no respect and appreciation for neither age difference nor status difference. We are all just pictures and a profile, and so we can all speak to each other like we see fit. So this young man as I could see from his profile picture was emboldened for one reason or the other to write to me in search for a job.
It wasn’t much of a surprise because this happens a lot online and I often come across persons like these on Twitter most of the time, but it was a first on LinkedIn. What I made out of the whole situation was that he probably was in a desperate situation and would just send all these messages to as many persons as he could, hoping to get positive feedback from an altruistic person out there. Basically, it's just the online version of begging, nothing more.
What he did wrong was simple, he was just a selfish person asking for a handout. His message clearly showed that he didn’t care about the person he was talking to, he didn’t care how it was going to be done, all he was interested was someone else showing pity on him and giving him what he wanted. Which is kind of ironic, you are selfish but yet you expect others to be altruistic.
The right thing to do
I won’t speak specifically on how you can find a job but I’ll rather touch on how you should approach other people online. It's important to treat others, especially people who you don’t know with the utmost respect, showing them the same concern which you expect. Social media definitely brings us closer but this shouldn’t embolden us to do the wrong things or act in the wrong way. You can’t realistically expect others to show concern for you when you didn’t even return them the favor, you didn’t even show some concern for them nor even take the time to build a relationship with them but rather wanted them to show empathy for a person who showed them nothing but disrespect.
In your quest for help you must be willing to help others, you must be ready to show concern and to come to the aid of others as well and likewise, they’ll do the same for you. Its hypocritical for you to expect something from others which you didn’t show to them, why expect love when all you gave was hatred? why expect care when all you did was disregard them? why expect pity when all you showed was arrogance?
Financial assistance isn’t the only thing you can do for others, your value isn’t limited to what is in your pockets and you might be asking yourself, what can a small me provide as value to somebody like Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg who are billionaires. You can begin by asking them how they are doing and taking interest in what they are doing, then they’ll do the same for you. Then you can follow up by asking them if they need anything and how you can be of help, then they’ll ask you the same question and BINGO, there you go, but coming at them listing out all your problems and concerns like they owed you something isn’t the way to go.
Conclusion
Nobody is helping you because you are self-centered and you care only about your own interests, the moment you start caring about others then you can expect reciprocity but until then you will keep getting what you have been giving to others which is disregard.
Thanks for reading ☺️
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About the Creator
real Jema
If you could say one thing and be heard by the entire world, what would that be?
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Comments (15)
Congrats on Top Story!🥳
https://fb.watch/qau98DNqJV/?mibextid=2JQ9oc
Hi, let's subscribe to each other . . . . I gotta type, the dramatic irony is hilarious. The universe has a sense of humor. I've been in these types of situations before. It's a drain when people not just expect, but demand help and generosity from You as if You owe it to them. I had some guy ask me for gas money before so his daughter and him could drive home. He said that his daughter was in his vehicle, so I gave him a gift card for a gas station right across the street. He kept saying, "Sir, I need money!" Dude would not leave me alone. I was about to yell at him and demand that he give me my gift card back, but I had better things to do at the time with my family. Another example is when I was on Facebook and some guy replied to my comment telling me that I should buy his book about spirituality and the law of attraction in how to grow rich with the universe. I wasn't friends, with him, didn't know him, and wasn't looking for anything like that. Do I respect the hustle? To a degree. There's a difference between a proper sales pitch (which I've done before as I have worked sales), and trying to shove Your product in people's faces and down their throats. It's even happened at local malls where guys are trying to sell us their movies and say, "From one Black brother to another, don't You want to support us? Cause we only got each other." Dude was only trying to holla to fetch a dollar. You get the gist. Whether its LinkedIn, FaceBook, real life, or Vocal, as You've typed it, "Nobody is helping you because you are self-centered and you care only about your own interests, the moment you start caring about others then you can expect reciprocity but until then you will keep getting what you have been giving to others which is disregard."
An interesting post, but sometimes the employers are as selfish as these people , but sometimes you are lucky enough to get someone who listens, as long as you approach them, as you say, with due respect
amazing work! Keep it going
This now needs to be possibly taught in a formal setting. Many have lost the 'skill' (I will err on the side of caution and say some didn't have it modeled) of speaking to another person with mutual respect and kindness. Imma be writing something on that tip soon hopefully. Few things rub me the wrong way than being spoken to without regard and respect. I consider myself a relatively patient person but that does wake the dragons that I try to keep in deep R.E.M. This is an excellent topic to highlight and just goes to show how even negative experiences can be made into teachable moments. Kudos on the top story!
Right on, thanks for sharing! Congrats, too.
Couldn't have said it better myself. It's a huge problem. I've had similar experiences. People aren't doormats for others to step on. And the worst of them are the ones who also guilt those for not helping them. It's a toxic mentality. Idk why they think it's acceptable?
The bit about "no respect and appreciation for neither age difference nor status difference" strikes me as a little strange. I'm pretty sure the point you were trying to make is that the semi-anonymity makes such people bolder, or encourages them to speak more casually than you feel they should, but to frame it the way you did comes off... iffy. Connotation matters.
I kind of know what you mean. The way some people ask for help makes it look like they somehow feel entitled to be helped. It could just be that they don't know how to convey a good tone in text (something I've always disliked about text communication in general). I think if you are looking for help like this, the least you can do is figure out how to say it properly. Some people just don't really feel shame, which is not good. Shame sounds like a negative emotion, but it does help with regulating how we act, and it's definitely needed. Great article 👍🏽
Hi Jema - Reminiscent of an Eddie Murphy film: As he was just recently released from prison. He approached a woman blatantly asking for sex. Her reaction, "Whew, can't you ask any nicer than that." People without 'Grace'...a 'Biggie' with me. 'Percolate' your OMG sized Starbucks on that. Nice to meet you, Jay, Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -
Well-deserved congratulations for your work—keep it up!
Sound advice. I too have been bombarded by people wishing for things without me knowing them. Well written Congratulations
Thsi guy is a troll. They think writers have a lot of money and can help them. I get similar requests from time to time. next time delete and don't engage.
I have 'people', not being specific.....who keeps calling me for money, they never enquire to my health or if I am in a position to help. Just you owe me for being born...I had nothing to do with your beginnings...we may be related or something...but still. I so get where you are coming from Jema. I worked for a while in the nursing homes and people would say "I don't know how you do it". Meanwhile i am taking care of their parents. Meaning, no way in hell would they take care of my parents, or me for that matter. People are too proud to do what others will.