To Be Single & Childless

Ah, let me guess...

You're single. Check. And, *gasps* CHILDLESS*

Those two words together scrape against the involved and those with children.

Cues eye roll.

If you're anything like me, then there are three things that you can't do, or rather be good at by societal standards without a significant other or a mini version of yourself running behind you. A mini you that changes your name to "mom" or "dad".

I did say three things.

Yep.

Tres. Three.

Here they are:

1. You can't give relationship advice

People who are coupled up usually feel that people who are single can't speak about relationships they aren't in.

I speak for all single people on this one, because of prior relationships that I've been in and those relationships around me that I've witnessed to let me know that I'm not missing out on anything. Do I think relationships are bad?

Not at all.

I have just learned and reflected on my life--things I accepted when I didn't want to for the FOMO. The only thing that I missed out on was my dignity, peace of mind, and the love and respect I didn't truly feel that I deserved.

The only person who has ever disqualified me from being able to give sound relationship advice was me. I had to learn to trust in my own ability to actually perceive what was right in front of my face the entire time.

Everyone thinks they're right. And, you know what?

They are. We are all at different levels of awareness, some of us ascending and elevating, some aren't, and that's okay. Everything is okay.

2. You can't speak on parenting

I have chosen not to bear children in this lifetime. You'd never believe the reactions I get just from that simple statement. It's like throwing hot grits on people.

Most, if not all people always insert their notions of me still being young and changing my mind, telling me that I still have time. I use to get really defensive about this, but now I don't.

I know why I feel the way I do about not wanting to carry and birth children.

I watched my mother go through so many things with me and my brother. Going to work every day at a place she hated, making daily sacrifices to pay bills and earn money to take care of us--all while struggling to find suitable childcare until I was old enough to take care of myself and babysit my brother.

I am thankful for my mother making those difficult choices for me, so that I could have the opportunity to have a different life.

I choose me. I want to be selfish and pour into myself. All my friends, family members, and people I know with children glamorize having children through social media videos, pictures, and status updates.

I am really happy that they enjoy being parents.

I've dealt with several assumptions made by people saying that I'm "going to need someone to take care of me when I get older". First of all, not all children take care of their parents in old age.

We need to stop putting people down because they choose not to have children. You have no idea what people face and the mask they wear to deal with it in public.

3. You can't be happy being single

"Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them". Mandy Hale

This is by far the biggest misconception on the list of things I've heard. It's assumed that a person can't be happy without being in a relationship, marriage, or having some type of romantic connection outside of themselves.

WRONG.

I love my solitude. Any person wanting to connect and create with me has to be worth allowing in my space to share my energy.

I'm not a casual, hook-up type of person.

I know full well how capable and powerful I am, even though I haven't fully experienced it yet. Some people haven't remembered that yet and I don't have time to constantly pour to the point of emptying from me to fill their reservoir.

Final Thoughts

I have no regrets about any relationship that I've ever been in.

I wouldn't be the person I am today without those lessons and experiences. Growth is usually very uncomfortable and uncertain. The only certainty in growth is that will emerge a new being.

I appreciate each and every experience that has led me to where I am today.

My soul called forth these contracts and lessons in the cosmos before I incarnated into an earthly body. Though there was a lot of coldness, pain, and what seemed to be brokenness, the renewing "end" result becomes more and more beautiful after each shatter.

From the concrete of the hard streets of love, grew a rose.