Everyone Has at Least 5 Deep Dark Secrets

Everyone has secrets. A Columbia University study found that all people have a minimum of five deep dark secrets they have never told anyone. The same study revealed that some people can actually count up to 13 pieces of personal information that they have never shared with anyone. Some secrets are kept from outsiders. Some secrets are kept from family members. Some people have so many secrets that Lifetime and Netflix could make a good movie about them.

Types of Secrets

Psychotherapist Gillian Straker says there is nothing wrong with having secrets. She added, "We are definitely entitled to have our own inner subjectivity and our own inner lives." However, keeping some secrets can eat people up.

A secret can be anything that people feel they have to hide from others. While secrets vary, there are common secrets. About 92% of all secrets fall into one or more of the following categories.

Finances

Infidelity

A child’s adoption status

An illness

Alcohol or drug use

Sexual orientation

Political beliefs

Criminal behavior

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Unemployment

Flunked out of college

Anything people choose to keep silent about

Reasons People Keep Secrets

Most people keep secrets to protect themselves and their relationships. They believe people will think less of them if their secrets were revealed. Many times, secrets are kept because people can't trust others to keep their secrets even when they are told in confidence. People are afraid their secret will be used against them to make them look bad and ruin their reputation.

No matter what the deep dark secret is, people do not share it with others to avoid judgment, punishment, embarrassment, and shame. For those reasons, some people carry secrets to their graves.

Why Some Secrets Should Be Revealed

A study on secrets in the Journal of Experimental Psychology concluded that holding on to dark secrets makes a person feel like he is carrying a heavy burden. Keeping things can also lead to stress and anxiety that result in headaches, muscle tension, and digestive issues.

Revealing your secret to the right person can be very therapeutic if the person is trustworthy, non-judgmental, will not use your secret against you, and will not use your secret to gossip about you with others.

On the other hand, telling your secret to the wrong person can do more harm than good.

Why Some Secrets Should Remain Secrets

Consider the reason you want to reveal a sensitive matter to family members, friends, or to the general public. What purpose would it serve to reveal to everyone that you were arrested when you were a teenager? What purpose would it serve to post on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram that you flunked out of college?

Revealing a shameful secret could result in a tarnished reputation and lead to social rejection.

How to Reveal Your Secret Safely

If you feel the need to reveal your secrets, do it the safe way. If you are leery about sharing your secrets with family members or friends, there are other ways to get some things off your chest.

1. Write about the secret in a private journal in encrypted language in case someone sees it.
2. Reveal your secret anonymously online through one of the secrecy websites, apps, or forums.
3. Your therapist, psychiatrist, doctor, lawyer, and pastor should keep your secrets if you are willing to trust them.

Some people are so private about themselves that they will not share minor information about themselves that isn't even considered a secret. For instance, women typically do not reveal their age or weight. However, that's their right.

The bottom line is that it is entirely up to the individual whether to share or not to share a secret.