Enough

She couldn’t discern the moment it happened; suddenly there was too much air, too much light, too much life.

It was too much air for her to breathe.

He wanted more than she could promise;

She needed more than what she could admit.

And without any transition, the pounding against the soles of her feet struck harder than the pounding drums of her heart; she wasn’t devastated, she was broken.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing that reality is more dangerous than the stories they tell us when the lights flicker out.

How the seconds fall when the sand seeps through your fingers; did you realize how sensitive the truth was before you opened her eyes?

Her fears and self hatred scratched and clawed at the pillars and walls she had constructed; you can build and establish a thick skin with the strength of giants, but nothing can stop the power of insecurity and judgements.

Especially when the ones you meet on the road are more frightening than the ones hiding under your bed.

There is no question or resolve; there is only flight and escape for air to breathe.

Because nothing is more excruciating than the tears streaming down your face, knowing that you should know better.

She knew better until you told her she didn’t.

Pretty words glitter until the sun shines on their altruistic behaviors.

And the stinging pinpoints from the raindrops that prick the surface of her flesh mean nothing when compared to the words she created within her own head; because no one hates themself more than the girl with the crying mascara in the pouring rain. Without the rain, she’s just pouring inside but you can’t see it.

And then the soul shaking punch of the metal against her gut as she threw herself against the edge of the border, screaming out with every fiber of her being; nothing is more strict and solid than the boundaries of reality and breaking what you realize is make believe.

The waves crashing down below are way too familiar and louder than the teenage angst she never could brush away.

Knuckles screaming louder than the waves below, she allowed her chest to break open to the universe of hurt she wanted to refuse, but couldn’t say no to... Her cries were silent, but the brokenness, the sadness, the absoluteness of knowing how she asked for it- they were louder than the sirens and her friends' fears.

God forbid the alchemy of society.

Damn propriety.

She was suddenly pressed against the edge; her heart was racing faster than the seconds speeding past- she couldn’t pause, she couldn’t breathe, and she couldn’t understand how the world suddenly threw her against the fence.

His voice was far too smooth and comforting to be real - “...Who would win if you really did it?”

The initial reaction was to bite back, but her pride kept her from looking him in the eye.

It was all she could do to hold on without falling.

“No one wins in a fight,” she muttered, still refusing to acknowledge this new human being, knowing the seconds were speeding by until they hurt her again.

She saw his hand slide softly down the wooden ledge, somehow avoiding the splinters and the ragged edges until his fingertips touched hers.

“I would like it very much if you won yours,” he said, barely above a whisper

It was more than barely enough.

It was enough.