Your Reaction To Harry’s Book, Spare, Speaks Volumes About Your Relationship Issues

Everyone has a reaction to ‘Spare.’

Every person alive, who knows of the British Royal Family, has an opinion about the fact one of the senior royals is dishing everything.

And it’s not just anyone; it’s Prince Harry, arguably one of the most famous modern royals of all time. His departure from royal duties has been much talked about ever since it happened.

It’s even outshone some of the more vile stories that have come from the palace. Let’s not get into Prince Andrew, agreed?

Now, this has nothing to do with having read the book or even reading the articles about him. Your reactions to the headlines say it all.

When you see his name in the newspaper, when you hear a headline on the evening news, you have a reaction. Some people will say they don’t, but we all react somewhere deep down inside.

What I’ve found fascinating, more so than the stories themselves, are the reactions. People who’ve commented online. The tweeters. The conversations I’ve had with the loved ones in my life about the topic of what is happening.

In my opinion, everyone’s reaction is an indication of their relationship values. No matter how you react to “Spare,” you’re giving away a part of yourself to the rest of the world. How you feel about the book speaks volumes about your relationships. Harry has flicked a switch or tripped the switch for some.

And after reading Spare, I can't ignore these reactions and what they seem to say about people.

You think: He shouldn’t air his dirty laundry.

Your immediate reaction stems from the fact Harry is speaking at all. It’s not what he’s saying; it’s the idea he is telling secrets about his life.

He’s talking about things that most people keep behind closed doors. They’re essentially secrets, and we’re taught never to tell them to anyone.

You’re worried about what would happen if someone spoke about you

When this is the first reaction you have, one of the reasons could be that you wouldn’t want it to happen to you.

Privacy, sure, we all understand that.

But in the case of the Royal Family, privacy isn’t such a luxury they can afford. The world has to know some things about them.

But you wonder what would happen if someone said this about you.

And perhaps it’s because you’ve been the aggressor in your family, the one who has rubbed people the wrong way.

Perhaps you know it’s because if someone was telling a story about your family, you would be the one who looks like the villain. You immediately put yourself in the shoes of the other royals and hate to think it was happening to you.

It might not be that you’re worried about how you will come off in the judgemental eyes of public opinion.

But if someone like Harry makes this type of family secret exposing socially acceptable, then what does this spell for you?

Does that mean every family member is free to spill your secrets?

You think: Harry is annoying and whingy

Your immediate reaction is, “Shut up.” You’re sick of hearing what seems like an entitled man speak of his shortcomings by pointing the finger of abuse at other people.

The media won’t let up on stories about him, and you’re tired of him fueling this coverage.

The more he speaks, the less Harry you want.

You’re into victim shaming

Ok, so that’s a bit harsh, I must admit. Saying you’re into victim shaming sounds like you’re into murder.

It’s not that severe.

But your reaction does indicate a lack of sympathy for people’s hurt and pain.

I’m not here to defend Harry. Be the way. But it doesn’t take an expert to figure out the man feels hurt by his family and their relationship with the press.

He clearly feels like he’s owed an apology by many people and a change of behavior towards him. It’s obvious he has experienced trauma, deep trauma that follows him around.

I would say he is hurt, plain and simple.

But so many people seem to take exception to people saying what happened to them. It’s this hate for the whistleblower.

Those who seem to harbor this hate seeming lack the ability to put themselves in the shoes of someone suffering.

Because if they could put themselves in those shoes, they wouldn’t begrudge anyone telling their story, knowing it could happen to them someday.

It’s not a surprising reaction, by the way. A lot of people grow tired of other people’s pain quite quickly. It’s what happens in a fast-moving world with so much suffering. It’s sad but true.

Yet, when the roles reverse, it’s a different story. Empathetic people tend to remember that.

You think: Harry shouldn’t talk badly about his family

Blood is thicker than water, right? Or perhaps it’s ‘never go against the family’ is a motto you live by?

You object to the way Harry is talking so badly about the people he’s meant to love. How could he speak about his family like this, right?

Family is family, and this is something you don’t do.

You’re too forgiving in relationships

This is one of those things you learn when you let go of toxic relationships in your life; not everyone deserves your love.

Despite how they’re related to you, forgiveness, loyalty, and respect are qualities everyone needs to earn. No matter how they came into your life.

There isn’t a blanket free pass for your family to treat you like dirt because you’re related by blood to them.

It would seem from your reaction that you let people walk all over you. If you think it’s ok for his family to remain unaccountable for their side of what they did, it suggests people can do the same to you.

You think: Harry should keep talking.

Entertainment factor aside, you think Harry shouldn’t shut up at all. What he is saying is important for any person who has been through this to say.

You also think it’s important for people who’ve done wrong by others not to get away with it. You might feel like this is a teachable moment, too, where society can learn from Harry and his inability to accept this treatment.

You’re holding onto an abusive past too, and you’re a little jealous

Everyone goes through relationship trauma at some point in their life.

And it’s naive to think a family member won’t be at the centre of this trauma. I have it with my father, who was abusive to my family and me.

Despite the fact he has passed, it doesn’t make the pain go away.

Feeling like Harry should keep talking directly reflects how you wish you could do the same.

In some ways, you’re jealous of his ability to unapologetically keep telling his story, getting it off his chest the same way you wish you could.

You wish you could tell people how much your family has hurt you. You wish it were more socially acceptable to air out your grievances like this. Or to tell people how much they’ve hurt you with seemingly such ease.

What do you do with these reactions?

As you can see, this has nothing to do with Harry’s revelations, the book or anything to do with him at all. Harry’s situation is an example of many stories we hear about people in this big wide world.

This is about hearing about other people’s situations and reacting to them. And as I read his book, all I could think about was the noise, what everyone was saying, and the impact he had on society. It's a moment in time I will never forget, a book's legacy I can't quit contemplating.

Everyone’s reactions are completely normal, by the way. And there is no wrong reaction, either. I also might not have these reactions completely right either.

But no doubt the way you react says something about your relationships. When you see someone else going through it, of course, it triggers the issues you have in your life. It’s only normal.

The next time one of these celebrity headlines hits a nerve and writes a book like this, try asking yourself why? Why do I have this reaction to people I don’t know?

You might learn something remarkable about yourself thanks to the people making headlines.

And if I could offer some advice, don’t ignore these reactions. It’s easy to write off these reactions as trivial because the stimuli seem trivial in your life.

But it’s from the little moments in life we learn a lot. Keep learning for the sake of your relationships.