"Aliens Invaded and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt"

It was a quiet Tuesday night in Middletown, USA, when the unexpected happened. The sky was clear, stars twinkled, and the air was crisp. I had just settled down on my porch with a cup of chamomile tea when a bright light flashed across the sky, blinding me momentarily. My heart raced as I squinted, trying to make out the source of the light. It seemed to be descending rapidly, straight toward my backyard.

Before I could react, a shiny, metallic spacecraft landed with a soft thud, flattening my mom's prized azalea bushes. A door hissed open, and a ramp extended. Out walked three beings with large heads, big black eyes, and spindly limbs. They looked like the stereotypical aliens you see on TV, except these had a peculiar fashion sense—they were all wearing mismatched T-shirts with Earth slogans like "I ♥ NY" and "Keep Calm and Carry On."

The leader, who sported a "World's Best Grandma" T-shirt, approached me. I was frozen, tea cup in hand, mouth agape.

"Greetings, Earthling!" it said in a surprisingly cheerful voice. "We come in peace."

"Uh, hi," I stammered. "I-I’m Mark. Do you always land in people’s backyards?"

The alien glanced around, seemingly oblivious to the azalea massacre. "Only when our GPS malfunctions. We're actually here for a mission of utmost importance."

"Which is?"

"We need souvenirs," the alien said matter-of-factly. "Our planet, Zog, is having a cultural festival, and Earth souvenirs are all the rage this year."

I blinked, trying to process this. "So, you invaded my backyard for... souvenirs?"

"Precisely! And as a token of our good intentions, we have brought you this." The alien handed me a T-shirt that read, "I Was Abducted by Aliens and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."

"Thanks," I said, unsure whether to laugh or scream. "It's... um, nice."

The other aliens were already rummaging through my garden shed, emerging with random items—a rusty rake, a garden gnome, and my old fishing rod. "Perfect! These will be a hit at the festival," one of them chirped.

"Wait a minute," I protested. "You can't just take my stuff!"

The leader waved a hand dismissively. "We only need a few things. In return, we can offer you advanced knowledge or a ride in our spaceship. Your choice."

Despite my initial shock, curiosity got the better of me. "Alright, I’ll take a ride in the spaceship."

"Splendid!" The leader clapped its hands, and two aliens guided me up the ramp into the craft. Inside, it was surprisingly cozy, with plush seats and glowing panels. They strapped me in and handed me a helmet that looked suspiciously like a colander.

"For safety," the leader assured me.

The ship hummed and lifted off smoothly. Through the viewport, I watched as my house—and my decimated azaleas—shrank below. Soon, we were cruising above the clouds, the curvature of the Earth visible in the distance.

"So, what do you do for fun on Zog?" I asked, trying to make small talk.

"We have a game called Glorpball. It's like soccer but with anti-gravity fields and a ball that occasionally explodes."

"Sounds... intense."

As we hovered above the Grand Canyon, the leader pointed out various landmarks, sharing amusing anecdotes about previous visits. "Last time we were here, Bob tried to take the Golden Gate Bridge as a souvenir. We had to explain it's not portable."

After what felt like minutes, but was probably hours, we returned to my backyard. The aliens disembarked, laden with their eclectic haul. The leader shook my hand—well, more like wiggled its fingers near mine.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Mark. We hope to visit again."

"Just try not to flatten any more azaleas," I replied, managing a smile.

With a final wave, they boarded their ship and ascended into the night sky. I stood there, T-shirt in hand, wondering if I’d just imagined the whole thing. But the trampled bushes and missing garden tools were proof enough.

The next morning, the local news was abuzz with reports of strange lights and UFO sightings. I just sipped my coffee, wearing my new T-shirt, and chuckled.

When my neighbor, Mrs. Jenkins, asked if I’d seen anything unusual, I shrugged. "Nothing much. Just had some visitors from out of town."

And that’s how aliens invaded, and all I got was a lousy T-shirt—and one heck of a story to tell.