The Beer Belly Brigade

John drained a cold can of beer and said, “This protest shit pisses me off. Anti-American leftest screaming for their rights, oh hell no! Those Arab Palestinians screaming death to America can kiss my ass.”

He burped up trapped beer gas and said “Excuse me, I can belch much better than that.”

Paul threw back a deep gulp of beer and said, “I agree Fuck those assholes.”

Simon or Sigh as he was known said, “And just what the hell you going to do about it John, Humm?”

He finished the beer he was drinking, smashed the can against his forehead, and tossed it into the pile with the other smashed cans. He grabbed another fresh can from the cooler of ice, water, and beer.

John said, “They are morons! Did you see the garbage can shield the fools had? Idiots leaned nothing from that school we are forced to pay all that money for. I’d have a team with linking shields to form a phalanx.”

Paul said, “What you going to make bullet proof armor from?”

“Books stop bullets all the time,” John said as he took a big swig off his can of beer, “I'll make my own armor from many layers of paper towels and epoxy.”

Sigh said, “It would take a lot of paper towels and gallons of epoxy to cover that belly, John.”

Everyone but John laughed.

John said, “We will see who will laugh when I show up with my Sun Tzu trained forces.’

Sigh said, “Can we have beer too?”

John said, “Sure, but you have to train together to form a unit.”

“Too the unit!”

Everyone clanked their beer cans together and drank.

Paul said, “Making linking shields is simple enough. What would you use as a pole weapon with the phalanx that you could get any where and yet fight with it with little modification?”

Ruth said, “A simple nice oak hat stand. With clothes hooks on one side and the heavy base on the other. One side to hook them the other side to bash them in their bicycle helmets.”

“No! One slick modification,” said Paul, “a surgical rubber tube sling shot mounted on it we could have a pocket full of glass marbles for ammo, the big ones, you know, boulders.”

John said, “And a laser dot to aim it in a fight.”

Sigh said, “What would we call ourselves?”

John said, “The Beer Belly Brigade.”

Ruth said, “Could we set up a boom box to play different songs wile we kick ass and take names so we can tell their mamas on them?”

Sigh said, “Yes, only songs without words like Frankenstein by the Edgar Winter Group or Wipe Out by the Safaris. That laugh will drive them insane, or maybe old TV show themes like the A Team and Peter Gun.”

“The kids don’t know Peter Gun,” said John. "Just how old are you sigh?”

Paul said, “Then play the Empire Strikes Back from Star Wars.”

Ruth said, “When they chant from the River to the Sea at us what do we say back.”

Paul said, “Make up something like and from which River and which Sea would that be? Can you answer me you crying little fucking babies.”

John said, “Nah, you can’t do that they are a bunch of pee pee babies they will just ignore you. Something better than a fuck you response. We’re better than that.”

Sigh said, “Yeah something like the Pledge of Allegiance.”

Ruth said, “That’s cool. To America!” she held up her beer can and everyone tapped cans and drank.

John said, “And we play it on the boom box at like 90 db 10 times.”

Everybody tapped cans and drank to that too.

Paul said, “Hey in the middle of the fight we can stop real quick for a Photo Op. Got to have pics to post.”

Sigh said, “Maybe at some signal we could all stop and moon them.”

John giggled and said, “Now that’s funny.”

There was the sound of two crushed cans hitting the pile at the same time.

Ruth said “You both get to make a wish but only one will come true.”

Paul wish to be a rich man. Sigh wished he was young again.

Sigh said, “The damn kids need to be taught a lesson. I think before you can get a loan for college kids should have to do two years public service.”

“Yeah that's going to happen,” said John, “Not!”

“No! Sigh is right,” said Ruth, “Something.”

“Kids now a days,” Sigh said, “couldn’t piss in an outhouse! The damn kids got it too easy they become a bunch of pussies.”

He smashed his empty beer can, tossed it in the pile of empties, and got a fresh beer from the cooler.

Paul said, “Now, now, now, Juror can ruff it. I’ve seen him go a whole afternoon without a phone.”

Everyone laughed.

Sigh said, "You can’t just give things to people they must earn it or you get no respect. No one has any respect for anyone right now.”

"There is no authority to respect," said Ruth, "Where do you start?"

Sigh finished another can of beer, smashed it and tossed in the pile of empty cans.

As he grabbed a fresh beer from the ice and he said, “Start at the beginning no one has anything.”

John said, "That is not fair I have more ... ah experience than some kid."

Paul said, “In the military they have service stripes one stripe for every four years of service.”

Ruth said, “Kids now a days use likes every so many at-a-workers and you get a coffee cup from the company store or something.”

Sigh said, “Then you need a fuck up pen. Fuck up and get your picture in the Coral of Dis Honor on the bulletin board.”

John said, “Nah, that always becomes a dis favorites threat. Do bad and it’s the bad workers coral for you.”

Sigh said, “What we need is for all the worthless politicians to come to our Friday night group session.”

They all clinked their cans together, drank and wished that could come true.